Welcome to Day Two of The Joys of Fellatio blog series: Words Unspoken. Yesterday, I told you all about my special playmate in, I Love Giving Head, who allowed me to satiate my curiosity and interest in the male anatomy, and I previewed a bit about what we would talk about today. Here goes everything.
When I initially got the idea for this series, I wrote out the topic, I love giving head, and as I read those words, I realized I’d never spoken them out loud before- knowing they are 100 percent true; knowing they have been true since my very first opportunity to give oral pleasure to a man.
It’s not for everyone. Yet when you say these words out loud to others, this is precisely the assumption. It is automatically assumed that because you love giving head, you’d love to do it for anyone who asks, and you’d do it for everyone who asks essentially, when this could not possibly be farther from my truth.
Terms and Conditions Apply
Guys who haven’t got a chance in hell (mostly because it doesn’t exist) suddenly believe they do. The context and the conditions must be ideal for me. After all, I give head for my own personal joy, and as much as the guy might be enjoying it, I give fellatio primarily for my pleasure based on my desire to give and not anyone’s desire to receive. Yes, selfish, I know
As much as I love it, giving head is very special to me.
Consider something you love, no matter what it is because we tend to believe sex is different when really it’s not. We’ve been duped into believing it can somehow become lesser through our actions which is a total myth. It is just as sacred and as coveted as anything else we love or care for deeply, no matter how one might present it; prude, slut, or anything in between.
Any way, whatever it is that you love, you might also love to share it with others. Perhaps having the opportunity to share what you love expounds upon that love which makes it even more enjoyable. You love camping; You don’t camp all the time; you don’t camp just anywhere; you only enjoy camping with others who enjoy camping for the same reasons you do.
Well, I don’t share my love of giving head with everyone in that very same way. I believe this assumption has much to do with misogyny being ingrained. Something we desperately need to overcome as Isabelle talks about in Can We Overcome Misogyny.
You can learn a lot more about misogyny and how to spot it from Ani at The Story of A.
An Act of Endearment
On a large scale, sex and this includes oral sex has become hugely objectified; reduced to a simple act of physical pleasure and nothing more. I choose not to share something I enjoy endearingly on such a shallow premise.
During sex, I’ve had a guy ask me whether I enjoy giving head in which case I simply answer yes or no. Yet, I’d never before even uttered the sentence, I love giving head. I prefer to answer under individual circumstances. If I’ve learned nothing from reading Emily Nagoski’s Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, it’s that context is everything when it comes to sexual preferences; the things that make you go and things that make you stop.
That way, it is never assumed that sucking your dick is automatic. FRIES remember FRIES. Just because I love giving head does not necessarily mean I love giving you head or that I even want to or that just cause I’m in the mood for intercourse, means I’m also in the mood to give (or receive oral sex) because sometimes, that is just not the case. Just because one loves to do a thing does not mean they want to do it at every opportunity placed before them. That is also a myth. You know what they say about too much of a good thing.
Thank you all for tuning in to today’s post in The Joys of Fellatio blog series. Tomorrow’s post is all about Learning the Ropes in which I talk about the very first time I performed oral sex on a guy and the things I learned from that experience. Please remember to subscribe.
This post contains an affiliate link to the book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. Thanks for reading!