Women’s orgasms matter because…
as I wore my #WomensOrgasmsMatter t-shirt down the aisles of my local Wal-Mart both men and women commented how awesome my shirt was and inquired about where they could get one, but one black man said to me, “That’s a hard shirt to wear.”
In the time it took him to read my shirt and respond with that statement, he had come to the conclusion that me being in support of Women’s Orgasms (and equal rights for women in general) was somehow in conflict with me being in support of Black Lives or better yet me making a mockery of the Black Lives Matter movement. With that, I can safely say, he misunderstands my message.
Women’s orgasms matter because…
last night as I attempted to recount my experience of being a BLACK woman, a BLACK man begin to over talk and out talk me in what felt like an attempt to invalidate by experience under the guise of BLACK men have it worse instead of just listening to what I had to say about my experience as a BLACK woman, something he knows nothing about.
He was so enamored by HIS story that he didn’t even notice I had exited the conversation and was now scrolling through my Instafeed completely ignoring anything further he had to say. I wasn’t interested in arguing. There is nothing to argue. My experience as a black woman is valid.
He immediately turned an opportunity to listen and learn into an “us against them argument” and on top of all that, he dragged the white man into it and then blamed black women for our own plight because of the way we treat ourselves, the way we carry ourselves, the way we refuse to conform, and take control of the situation.
I still haven’t figured out what that has to do with the action of BLACK men and the way BLACK women are being oppressed by both white privilege and BLACK men. Like they don’t understand that oppression doesn’t just happen between races but within them as well. I mean, if you can understand the light skinned, dark skinned theory of racism why is it so difficult for you to just hear women out on the male female theory of oppression within black culture. This whole “But us first” mentality is weak.
The Great Debate of Sex and Race
I hear people argue that I’m black first and then I’m a woman. I am a black woman…those facts coexist equally. I don’t feel it necessary to choose. I cannot fully address the issues I face by choosing one over the other when we are being marginalized in both being black in this world, being a woman in this world, and being a black woman in this world.
Just the other day I told a friend of mine that talking to a (black) man about my experiences as a (black) woman is a lot like I imagine the conversation between a white man and black man in regards talking about our experiences and he agreed. I breathe a sigh of relief to know that he understood.
The way one feels like instead of working together for equality, you immediately label the scenario “Us against Them”. In the way that you feel like your experience is being invalidated instead of considered.
But I don’t have many conversations on the issue of black and white because the truth is I interact way more intimately with the BLACK man. Therefore, this experience resonates more with me. I have been oppressed more personally and on a more consistent basis by the men in my life than any other entity in this world. I feel the oppression of my feminine experience to a greater depth than that of being black. Though in large, I feel they cannot be separate. When someone sees me they see me as being both black and a woman. While others might disagree, I am only speaking of my experience.
Understand that I am for everything that I am and I am not against any of it. In fact I am not against anything at all.
Women’s orgasms matter because when I told him I had reached orgasm long before I reached puberty, his response was, “Wow, women can do that!?”
Women’s orgasms matter because I’d often been told to make sure I get mine first because once he came, it was over.
Women’s orgasms matter because we teach girls about their sexuality as it relates to men and boys when it can absolutely exist separately.
Women’s orgasms matter because some people believe that just because many women don’t reach orgasm it also means that they can’t.
Women’s orgasms matter because there are women who have experienced the joys of childbirths but have never experienced the pleasure of orgasm.