What's Killing Your Libido
Relationships,  Romance & Intimacy,  Sexual Psychology

What’s Killing Your Libido?

After giving birth to my daughter, my libido went flat. 

I cried because I had no desire for sex. Nothing it seemed was getting me in the mood. I enjoyed sex so much I really felt like, “WTF! Is my sex life really over at 22!?” I wasn’t depressed about it, however I was personally certain that if I wasn’t getting in the mood and desiring and enjoying sex the way I had before, I would not be participating in it. I was pretty bombed, but not too much because there also wasn’t anyone I wanted to have sex with including my child’s father whom I was still with at the time. I did consider how he might feel about it…briefly. I figured I’d give it some time and perhaps it would pass. It didn’t for a while.

Discovering the Culprit

I wasn’t sure why I was having this experience with my libido. I thought for sure it was because of all the hormones and changes in my body. It was the only experience I could physically or mentally connect to what was happening or what wasn’t happening rather. 

Then one day a year after I had given birth, I was in the library at the university I was attending and decided to check an old email account I had had since high school. It was an account checked occasionally, perhaps even rarely. By now, I hadn’t checked it in months. When I logged in, there was an email from my ex. It read,

“Hey. I wasn’t sure if you’d get this message. I don’t know whether you still use this email or not. Anyway, this is Brent*. Call me if you get this message 911-769-3298.” 

I froze in shock. My Ex and I had a deeply intimate relationship in our time. Folks might call it a soul tie, although I’m not sure whether I believe in such things. I told myself I wouldn’t call, but when I looked down at my phone, the number was already there, and before I could walk through the automatic double doors leading from the library to the courtyard, my fingers had pressed the green send button.

Crashing like the Ocean

Soon, we were crashing into one another like swelling tides on sandy shores. What-Libido-Issues? They had suddenly and magically disappeared. I felt a gush as I straddled Brent on the chocolate suede leather loveseat that was now beautifully ruined. We both stopped surprised by what we felt. This was new for me and it was also new for him. It was my first time squirting!

Ultimately, I recognized that the thing that was making me stop…that was making my libido go flop was that I wasn’t being cared for and considered in my relationship with my ex husband. When I was pregnant, my ex-husband refused to care for me in the way that I asked…at all really and would often complain about caring for me; he’d ask me to call someone else to do it. Why did he tell me that? 

Ocean crashing gif

I didn’t realize in that time that all of that was a huge turn off. It was turning my pussy into the Sahara during the dry season. Oh but my ex…when my ex husband asked me to call someone else, it was Brent that I would call. He’d rub my belly and my feet and walk the trail around the park with me as I prepared to give birth. I hadn’t seen him in over a year since my daughter had been born. 

My body was absolutely turned on by the memory of him caring for me during my pregnancy. Even more turned on than I would get even when we were together as a couple.

Come As You Are

Later, after other relationships, and reading the book Come As You Are, I learned that there are things that make you go and even though you’re mentally ready to go, there is something else that may cause you to come to a screeching halt no matter how much you’re revved up and ready to go.

I’ve since learned that not being cared for and not having my needs met in my romantic partnership is a huge libido killer for sure. I slowly, but surely become less and less interested in my partner, the relationship, and the sex altogether.

What do ya’ll think about it? Let me know in the comments. I’ll be uploading a detailed video on my YouTube Channel The Qu33n Coven on this topic. 

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