What to expect: My first kink/fetish event

I’ve been inching my way into the fetish life scene little by little over the last couple of years. I got my first taste of it when a stranger in a chatroom asked me to step on food and in exchange he paid me cash. 

It was also my very first sex work transaction. I think…? Yay, me!

Since then I’ve done a little bit of experimenting particularly with flogging which I enjoy. I’m not too keen on pain which has left me a little bit reluctant to dive into all things fetish. For some reason it just seems to me that a lot of folks are into painful experiences. 

Anywho I’ve spent a lot of time in the workshops of a variety of conferences learning all about rope play and wax play, swings, flogging, electro stimulation… E-stim for short which I recently wrote about here, hooks and pins, clamps…yeah. allat 😜

There is an endless list of fetishes floating around the internet somewhere and when I find it, I’ll link it here.

I must admit I was cautious yet intrigued. I’m so in the business of allowing things to happen that I never just forced myself onto the Fetish scene I just told myself that in its own time it’ll happen if it’s for me because that’s what I believe about most things.

And guess what? It did!

I got invited to my very first fetish party about 2 weeks ago by this cute guy I met on a dating app. Mind you he had asked me out to this party about a week prior. A lot of things happened and I honestly didn’t expect that I would be able to attend. However, everything managed to work itself out. It was meant to be 🥰.

Things went well. I absolutely enjoyed myself. It was a special kind of high and a very positive experience.

So without further ado here’s what you should expect of your first fetish party.

1/ You should expect to do a killer pregame. You know the part where you party before the party. That just gets everybody relaxed and loose and breaking the ice. Especially because I was meeting two of the people attending with us for the first time. 

2/ You are expected to dress sexy AF! Because a fetish party is the perfect place to do that.

3/ You should expect to take a ride share. You may not want to drive after all that fun. There was butt plug tail and an anal Hook involved. I left the playroom with a soaked skirt… Sorry Uber driver about your back seat. 

4/ You should expect to be attracted to way more people than you probably would be attracted to in a general setting or maybe that’s just me 🤷🏾‍♀️

5/ You should expect your partner to be supportive because it is your first time. If they’re not, get rid of them quick! Having a supportive partner with me was what made it half the fun. And if your partner loves fetish as much as you do or believe you would love it, then that’s always a plus.

6/ You should also expect a whole lot of civilian amateurs. Many of the folks floating around fetish parties didn’t go to workshops at conferences that told them how to properly do these things because there is a proper way to do these things. In fact, some of them aren’t into kink or fetish at all. They have ulterior motives. Proceed with caution.

7/ Expect that there will be someone there rampantly violating other people’s consent. Don’t be afraid to call them in or call them out if necessary. I had to physically push a person away for whipping out his dick very near my face while my partner and I were playing…twice. I protected a friend who was being accosted from behind in the middle of play. Never once did they ask for consent.

8/ You should expect to be open and observant and at least have some micro willingness to try out or learn something new. I mean, for the best quality experience. We watched some rope and wax play as well as textured body stimulation.

9/ You should expect to be able to navigate consent, giving and obtaining for yourself. I mean, this was a skill I didn’t even know I had in the realm of fetish.  Anyone who wanted to do anything to me or with me had to get a quick little interview on their expertise. 

10/ And although this is not an expectation, being well-versed in proper flogging techniques can also be useful as it was for me! Because of my knowledge and experience with flogging I was able to convey what I enjoyed and how I enjoyed it. The person flogging me was also a great sport; he listened well and he executed wonderfully.

11/ And finally, you might expect to run into another partner if you’re polyamorous like me. Yes, that happened. I wasn’t expecting them to be there and they weren’t expecting me to be either. We hadn’t even discussed our interest in fetish.  It was a beautifully pleasant surprise!

This was a pretty lit list! Either way it was definitely fun to write. 

I had a really awesome experience and my first fetish party and I’m excited to go to my next one. I’m also scared of being disappointed because I did have so much fun at this first one.

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I am an advocate for every womxn who has ever been hoe-bashed or slut-shamed into believing there was something she needed to do or be in order to acquire the love and respect she deserves. Sexually Empowered, Millennial Mom. ProHeaux Sex Witch. Intuitive Empath. Sex Writer + Orgasm Advocate + Community Healer.


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