Reviews,  Toys, Toys, Toys

This toy SUCKS so hard it hurts

And I mean that literally.

This is an adult review. The product was provided to me by an affiliate Best Vibe Toys. All of my reviews are honest and unbias regardless of whether I am being paid or whether the item is provided at no cost. They also have an affiliate program for those who might be interested. You can see ALL of my affiliate memberships Here. This post contains links to affiliates.

I was able to choose which toy I wanted to try, and this is one of the toys I chose for three reasons.

Reason one: I thought it pretty cool that you can use both ends of the toy and I was excited to try that part.

Reason two: The flickering tongue thingy seems interesting and I was curious to see how well it actually works.

Reason three: It is an odd-looking toy and I’ve never tried one remotely like it. Although I’ve seen others that look similar.

When I saw it on the website I said, “Oh, I wonder what this one does.” Well, found out exactly what it does and unfortunately what it doesn’t do (give orgasms).

This is why toy reviewers are so necessary and awesome. It keeps you from spending money on whack ass toys that don’t get you the results you DESERVE. Unless you’re not looking for orgasms. Anywho…

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The IZUMI by Acmejoy comes in a nice and sturdy pink box. It is very well packaged. Everything on the box is written in east Asian characters…Mandarin, Cantonese…idk.

What to know

I liked that it does have three different pleasure modes:

  • The thrusting vibrator at the bottom
  • The suction cup
  • The vibrating flickering tongue thingys that are located in the suction cup

Each mode works independently of the others. This means you are able to turn on the suction cup only or the thrusting part only if that is what you prefer. Each mode also has several of its own individual settings.

Ultimately, I am disappointed in this toy so this review won’t be very long. I’ve tried it three times so far because that is something I do before writing up a review. I’ll continue to try it and do an entirely new updated post if anything changes…ONLY IF.

First, I don’t like the charger port. It’s ugly and too mechanical looking. I mean, we already know it’s a machine, must we be reminded. It’s in such contrast with the rest of the soft, pink, attractive design of the toy.

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The thrusting part only moves the suction part that is outside the vagina and when you hold it in place, it stops moving altogether. I don’t know, maybe my vagina was holding on to it too tightly.

ORGASM BLOCKER ALERT

The suction part of this toy sucks so hard it hurts and this is a major orgasm blocker.

On several occasions, I came close to orgasm and the sucking just got way too intense. I’d start moaning, “Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh; then that would turn into, “Owww!” I’d have to gently wrestle my vulva out of the grips of the suctioning. The suction doesn’t seal on closed labia. There is way too much adjusting as you work to open your labia while positioning the tongue thingys on or over your clitoris.

Those would have been cool (the flickering things that I’m not sure what to call). Except they really were a tease, because they could barely reach my tiny clit. That was the best thing this toy had going, so that was unfortunate.

The sound of the toy isn’t quiet, discreet, or pleasant. It’s clicking, buzzing, and whizzing all at the same time. I think I described that last sound right…?

This toy is not waterproof and should not be submerged or splashed. Remember this when cleaning, however, I don’t recommend purchasing it to even need to clean it. And it’s definitely not one you want to take to the shower.

In conclusion, this toy was an epic failure and I did not reach orgasm any of the three times I tried with this toy. DO NOT PURCHASE! RUN.

Despite this disappointment, this company has a really awesome collection of affordable toys and you should check out the Best Vibe Clearance.

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