Single Mother Sex

Me: So I met a guy
Relative: Oh, how nice. Tell me about him.
*Proceeds to spill with wonder and excitement*
Relative: How wonderful? Does he know about the kids?
Me: Yes, he knows.
Relative: Has he met the kids?
Me: No, not yet.
Relative: Do you plan on introducing him to the kids?

Yada, yada, blah, blah, blah

For the life of me, I still cannot figure out why one might think you would attempt to hide the fact that you have children who live with you nine months out of the year from someone with whom you have the potential to become seriously involved.

But anyway…

Rules, Rules, Rules

When I first became a single mother, I already knew that navigating sex would not be the easiest task. Along with the physical body changes came a full blown lifestyle change. Complete with a list of “single mother dating” rules to accompany. Mostly hetero-rules like:

  • Don’t bring too many different guys around your children.
  • Wait awhile before introducing a new guy.
  • Be careful of the things you do and say in regards to dating around your kids.
  • Be careful of PDA in front of your children. (You don’t want it to become a situation of a new guy every month; it confuses the child *INSERT SARCASM HERE*)
  • Bringing different men around your daughter presents the wrong ideals.
  • Bringing different men around your son leaves an impression

I kinda went along even though I couldn’t decide whether these were good rules for myself. After all, I don’t quite adhere to the hetero-normative narrative of society. My greatest dilemma became, so when do I get to have my time? As a single mother, I share a large chunk of my free time with my children. Besides when I am at work, where ever I am, so are my children.

As you may be able to imagine, single parenting can be extremely stressful. For me, sex is a huge stress release, and not being able to have regular sex can compound that stress and add frustration. Sex became a ritual of sorts, occurring only a few times a year when I could get the kids to sleep early enough and have my company out before they woke in the morning. These rituals turned into a full on sexual splurge when my children were away during the summer and winter breaks which contributed to how this blog was conceived, no pun intended.

I soon grew exhausted of this process and decided to reserve sex only for the breaks and sleep overs with my girlfriend. This was still difficult because, it takes some time to find someone you desire to have sex with regularly all summer long after not being involved with anyone for the entire year. A game of Tinder swiping, random hook-ups, and dating uninterestedly so you don’t seem too hoe-ish cause all you’re really looking for is sex is like shopping for the perfect pair of shoes to wear to the party of the year that you’d rather not attend.

It is certainly an equally exhausting process.

“My sex drive is way too high for the amount of sex I’m not having.”

Excuse me while I toot my own horn, but I am a great lover (with lots of valuable experience) who absolutely loves sex in its many facilities. Sex for me is like the study of the person with whom I am engaged.

But I digress.

Sex-Positive Single Parenting…I Guess

As my children grow older, I am more open with them about my sexuality as a single mother. Do I sit around having conversations with them about myself as a sexual being? In fact, I certainly do. Mostly with my nine and a half year old prepubescent daughter. I need my children to understand that having a partner does not validate or invalidate your sexual desires as a human person.

I’ve learned through the ascension of my own mother that understanding your mother (and other persons) as a human being is more important than understanding or following the rules of society.

The decision to meet your own physiological needs is nothing to hide, or be ashamed of which we have been conditioned to believe about many physiological needs, especially sex. I don’t bring many people around my children anyway, whether there is a romantic involvement or not simply because I’m not of that personality type. I’ve learned of myself as a single mother that it’s unnecessary to take all these extra-exposural precautions (Yes, I did just make that word up and it seems absolutely appropriate for what I need to say so I’m going with it). In addition, I am certainly the type to be involved with individuals who are just friends. So, how does that work? Do I then decide not to bring my friends around my children just because we’ve had sex?

I think not.

Sex with Friends- it can work

Although, there have been great debates online and abroad, I am a testament to the fact that sex with friends is absolutely and wonderfully possible. Some of my very best, most loyal friends are individuals with whom I have had some sort of sexual contact.

I can say that my participation in this little game of navigating single mother sex has brought forth a profound appreciation for the sex that I am able to have. I have become much more discerning about whom I have sex with and much more keen about cultivating the sexual experience that I desire with precision and intention.

I find that I need sex, in general, a lot less than I need AMAZING, MIND BLOWING sex which is much more likely than it may have been had I not been selective due to single parenting. It certainly takes you a lot further during times of drought. All things happen with purpose.

I’ve come to understand that simply having the opportunity to have sex is not always worth the efforts of having to create that opportunity; Paying a sitter, renting a hotel room, having to adhere to a schedule and not being able to sleep in to truly enjoy the experience. To have it only end up being a mediocre experience can be stressful in itself, and feels like such a waste of time that could have been spent well…writing which is never a wasted of time.

My theme for sex in the most recent two years has been the T.I. song, “I don’t want no mediocre.”


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Pinterest for Sex Bloggers

Dear sex bloggers,

In the world of Pins, boards, and group boards, we are largely non-existent. Let’s change that!

First things first, what do I mean when I say “sex blogger”.

Sex blogger is used as a catch all for almost any blogger who blogs about topics related to sex including, sexual health, empowerment, advocacy, education, toy and product reviews, relationships and dating, BDSM, kink and world of micro-niche sex topics.

Slow to Go

Pinterest Beginner's guide for sex bloggers. How to get started on Pinterest growing your blog audience

I’ve heard bloggers say they have no clue how to use Pinterest and therefore do not use it very often. I completely understand because I was there only a few months ago as you can tell from my only fifty something followers. I avoided using Pinterest because perhaps like you, I didn’t know how to use it. Once I did learn the basics, I was like Oh my gosh, I’ve been missing out on so much and I’m still learning!

Pinterest is still changing as they learn new things from contributors so there is still much to learn. I am there often, discovering all these things that I’ll be sharing with you today.

Pinterest has been a huge asset in the launching of my sex blog as I researched the “how tos” of successful blogging for newbie bloggers. From generating post ideas and customizing my blog to information on being an affiliate and general ideas on how to grow online presence, Pinterest has been an invaluable resource to building my blog. Just check out my Building Brilliance Pinterest board to see for yourself.

I’ve been pinning like a mad woman and I check most of my links (you know, for spam) before pinning, so they are legit, dependable resources.

A Leading Search Engine

I’ve heard that Pinterest is the #2 search engine in the world getting over 2 billion searches a month and 100 million active users. Pinners are also more likely to purchase from a link they found on Pinterest than any other search engine. I’ve seen many popular lifestyle bloggers boast Pinterest as their number one source of traffic and attribute much of their success to the social platform.

Now I don’t know about you, but I plan to generate success and popularity through any authentic means including Pinterest. And while this post does say Pinterest for sex bloggers, it’s really for any bloggers who might benefit from the information.

Get the Business Account

If you’re like me and started out with a personal account, you can convert it to a business account by clicking those three dots and selecting “Access Business Tools”. Once you’ve completed those steps, go ahead and confirm your website so you get access to your Pinterest Analytics which I like to call my Pinterest back office. It gives you the who and the what on your most popular pins.

Keyword Rich Descriptions

Make sure to complete your profile information using keywords to make you more discoverable in your blogging niche like adult reviews, sex education, sex positive, or sexual empowerment. Make it concise (160 characters max) and make it count.

The first board you should create is a board exclusively for all of your own blog posts. Here’s mine. Next, create other boards for other interest related or unrelated to your blog. If you don’t want boards for other interests to show in your profile, simply make it a secret board. Once you have created your boards, start pinning and following other boards. Aim for a keyword rich description when completing you board information.


Search & Pin

You can search for boards to join by searching keywords and selecting “Boards” from the dropdown at the end of the search box. You can also create new boards as you discover new interest, which I’m quite sure you will, trust me. As your board grows, you can reorder them by selecting and moving them to the row you’d like them to be placed.

Pinterest works very similar to other search engines, the more popular your pins are the more valuable your profile is to Pinterest users causing your pins to appear more frequently in searches. Be sure to pin a variety of quality content and invite others to follow your boards via your blog or social media platforms.

I love that Pinterest is such an awesome source of a mega variety of information; you could get lost for hours in that place.

There you have it, now you are a Pinterest basics pro. Go test out your new skills. Later, I’ll be posting about Pinterest Group Boards for Sex Bloggers and Creating Images Optimized for Pinterest.

Here are a few good sex blogger posts to start pinning now Hot Sex Without Melting, Ovo E3 G-Spot Vibrator Review, & Sexual Magic, DESIRE

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