Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Burning the Midnight Sage: 3 Ways to Clear Toxic Sexual Energy

The evening is my sexy time. I’m such a morning person but I cannot deny my lifelong love affair with the night. I come in from work and take care of my evening duties. I shower to rinse the day away, kindle my tea light oil diffuser, and smudge in the nude.

Ideally, my favorite time to have sex is between one and four am. I say ideally because given my current work schedule, unfortunately, it is likely that I’m long asleep at those hours.

Being both clairsentient and clairaudient, it is the time when I feel the deepest and hear the clearest. It is the time I feel most connected to my creative, sensual, and sexiest self. My thoughts roam openly with minimal interruption as all the world is quietly sleeping.

In case you missed it, I recently had my guest post cherry popped. I had the honor of writing an amazing piece on whether sex can be spiritual. In the post, I talk about toxic sexual energy. As an empath, I realize how easy it is to become inundated with emotional information whether through intercourse or other means.

I would love for you read it and let me know whether or not it resonates with you.

I wanted to share these ways that I limit, manage, and discharge toxic and excess energy that I take on throughout the day.

When it comes to my spiritual upkeep, I prefer to keep things simple. Everything has energy and because I’m still learning about myself as an empath, I still haven’t quite learned to manage these energies.

In light of this, I gather spiritual materials as needed; I keep few things on hand. For the sake of simplicity, as a rule of thumb, I follow this guide for managing, limiting, and discharging toxic sexual energy or any toxic energy for that matter.

  • Water for cleansing
  • Salt for protection
  • Sage for clearing

They can be used interchangeably and I’ll share the ways I use each.

Water for cleansing

Water is life; water is refreshing; water is rejuvenating. We are made up mostly of water.
In the early stages of my sexual debut, particularly as a college-aged young adult with open space and complete freedom to have sex with whomever I desired, how often I preferred, in whatever manner I choose, I enjoyed showering with my partner before and after intercourse. I could tell from their surprised reactions that apparently this was not a normal gesture. But of course, they didn’t turn it down.

I felt it for sure, but I didn’t know then what I know now about how those pre-sex rituals were affecting my sensual energy exchange. I don’t doubt they contributed positively to my amazing sexual journey even when I had limited knowledge about spiritual cleansing.

I’ve always been who I am even when I didn’t always do me the way that I do me now.

There are many cleansing water rituals to try; do a simple Pinterest search and you’ll discover this for yourself. I’ve looked into quite a few that I’d like to try.

In the meantime, a simple shower infused with positive, high energy and mindful intentions works amazingly. I just visualize myself rinsing away any stress and excess energy that I’ve collected throughout my day. And if you’re able to, as often as I’m able to, I love to swim in the nude; also known as skinny dipping. It completely enlivens your beingness.

I convinced my friend to go skinny dipping with me last summer. Although she’s a bit timid and reserved, even she admitted that she enjoyed the experience.

I am a huge fan of crystal charged full moon water for its healing power. Depending on what I need, I usually infuse it with oils, herbs and of course mindful intentions. I plan on sharing a recipe very soon. I usually collect rainwater for such occasions as the more natural your water source, the more potent the healing potion.

I’ve heard great things about rose water and I’m looking forward to trying this recipe I found on Pinterest very soon. I feel like you need to create a certain atmosphere when you’re making such a thing (as with all rituals, right) which is why I’ve been postponing it; timing seems off.

Salt for protection

I don’t use salt very actively but I use it daily and consistently as my Himalayan salt lamps release an aural, hypnotizing glow. I love them for meditation. Sometimes my kids unplug them and I can always tell when they do.

Salt is amazing protection against low energy sexual experiences. Low energy sexual experiences are caused by ego and not spirit. All higher being experiences are benevolent anything else is ego using energy in a negative way. So regardless of how evil or how angelic a person might seem, we all have the capacity to be the complete opposite of that within ourselves. It is all about choice and balance. Make higher choices. Regardless, spirit and ego are yin and yang in our physical form, one is nothing without the other.

I have this enchanting ability to read through ego to the innermost desires of a person’s sexual beingness and I still have some wondering how I do it. It is the power of seduction. From a sexual perspective, I love showing a person this version of themselves. Essentially, I do it by simply mirroring their “thought” energy. Another awesome empathic ability that I have often taken advantage of even when I didn’t know I was an empath. A person is much more open and unguarded in their sensual state.

If you couldn’t tell by now, intimacy is my favorite way to use my empathic abilities. Because of them, I have had a totally different sexual experience than that I had been taught to expect. An experience I have come to crave over and over again, which is one reason I’m so against the social narrative of sex as it currently exists. People are missing out on so much because we are all empath, you know.

I use this ability to draw on high energy emotion in combination with salt, to ward off low energy emotion, for a higher sexual experience even in a casual context.

I use salt to line entrances to my home: doors and windows. I use salt circles during meditation, card readings, and consulting with spirit (which I do often). I use salt around my bed. Not only does it protect you from low energy sexual experiences but it also keeps the nightmares at bay along with the added protection of my dream catchers.

In general, salting usually follows cleansing and smudging for me. Unrefined salt works best. Paakai or Hawaiian salt is my personal preference; no specific reason that I’m consciously aware of. If you want to learn more, I found this article about the spiritual power of salt to be very useful, and I’m certain you will, too.

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Smudging for clearing

Since discovering the why of my longtime, uncanny ability to read people, I have been slightly obsessed with developing my psychic gifts. I almost feel like I attract more energy now. Either that or I’m just more sensitive to the energies I attract and carry. Because of this, smudging is my favorite method of clearing energies. It covers a larger area over a shorter period of time. There’s less residue. It’s quick, easy, and it lingers.

I love watching the smoke rise as it dances to energies in the atmosphere.

I stick with White Sage and Palo Santo. Simple is easiest for me, however, there are so many different types of herbs for smudging. I smudge very often, as often as necessary, rarely going a week between smudgings.

You can do it anytime. I’ve discovered that the best time for me is evenings around midnight hence the title burning the midnight sage. This time is perfect because, at this point, my children are asleep, the businesses in my area are closed, most of my neighbors are asleep, my cleaning is done, and the world around me is still.

It is a good idea to smudge anytime you move into a new place or if you will be staying in another place, at a hotel or as a guest in someone’s home, etc. As a cutesy, ask if it is ok. It is also good to smudge before, after, and between all rituals; before and after house guest. I don’t just smudge my space but everybody in my home including my children and pets.

Lately, I’ve been having crazy dreams so I do a Palo Santo smudge before bed. Being an emotion magnet has its benefits, however, residual effects are not fun at all. It can be overwhelming in many cases.

It’s an infamous movie cliché to smoke a cigarette after sex. Me, I prefer to light up the sage and enlightenment my lover on its purpose and benefits. Burning sage is calming. I’m up writing this post right now as my children sleep, but I’m sure I’ll be editing later and finding other mistakes long after this.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Can Sex Be Spiritual? 

It is often questioned whether sex can be spiritual. Well, I am here to set the record straight, once and for all. No, sex cannot be spiritual. Sex is spiritual. Every single act of sex is spiritual. Mindful acts of sex are high energy spiritual experiences. Less mindful acts (coerced, forced, passive, obligatory etc.) are low energy spiritual experiences.

Believe it or not, we have the exact same high and low energy experiences with every other act we perform: eating, grooming, daily tasks, raising our children. Even something as simple as walking is experienced as high or low energy. You ever notice how much more confident you feel with a raised head and little switch in your hip? Maybe it’s just me. This is why self-care and self-compassion is so important.

In the realm of what is spiritual and what is not, sex is no different than any other act. What is different is our cultural perspective. Sex is however, experienced at a different energetic frequency but this doesn’t make it better or worse, just different. Like light and sound, one travels faster but neither is more spiritual than the other. Each has its own role to play. Like running compared to walking, you’ll cover five miles faster running than walking however, you cover the exact same distance with either.

This has been my experience with sex and spirituality.

Transcending Shame

On my current spiritual journey, I kept running into spiritual blockages. It was frustrating and mildly discouraging. I wasn’t sure what the issue was; then suddenly it became clear. FEAR; what was I afraid of; what of myself was I holding back? I had renounced dis-serving cultural beliefs, acknowledged my spiritual gifts, and began exploring my own truth and creating a custom experience around that truth. So, what was missing? Something definitely felt missing.

Then one day a friend of mine, whom I had not spoken with in some time, asked me a very simple question. He asked, what I had done over my summer break. All of the wonderfully, euphoric memories came flooding back however, I was hesitant to provide him with a true answer. But why? And there was the answer to my spiritual blockage.

I had been afraid of the judgment and shame that accompanies those epic acts that I had the privilege of taking part in over the summer. I had not fully accepted myself as the sensual goddess that I know myself to be and was thus afraid of presenting this sexually liberated woman to others. I knew that I no longer wanted to be a prisoner of my own fear so I told him everything I had done over the summer. I told him that I had been hesitant to reveal this to him and I also explained why. His response was beautiful, reassuring, encouraging and quite inspiring; a message directly from spirit. I receive it.

Shortly afterwards, I started the Pretty Pink Lotus Bug blog to be a beacon of courage to guide others on their spiritual journey of unabashed sexual exploration; to embrace their sexuality, and redefine what it means for them.

Just recently, I visited my good friend Bree to have an oracle reading done that truly spoke to my spiritual awakening and sexual reveal. The cards spoke directly to severing ties with old beliefs and relationships that do not serve my journey as well as embracing the sexual being that I am (going with the flow) and discovering inner peace. My final card said, “Stand tall, don’t give up”, a highly reassuring message. If you are interested in learning more about her readings, I encourage you to visit MagicallyBree.com. Let her know I sent you.

Sexual Debris

We often speak of or see memes floating around the Internet regarding the exchange of toxic energy when engaging in sexual intercourse. These memes often present the idea that energy exchange through intercourse is more menacing than other forms of exchange and that we should be more careful and limit our engagement in energy exchange of the sexual type.

This doesn’t resonate as my personal truth.

sex and spirituality

Any energy exchange, including toxic energy, can happen under a variety of circumstances, not just sex, not necessarily more with sex, but it can definitely happen faster through intercourse. As a clairsentient empath, I know that we exchange and absorb energy from others without ever coming into physical contact with them.

Often you can limit or manage the exchange but we cannot prevent it whether we are having sex with a person or simply sharing an office space at our place of employment. Because of our social conditioning, we like to convince ourselves that there is a difference however, that is not fact. Simply put, you may claim it as your personal truth however; it is not a universal truth and should not be dictated to others.

Here, I’ll give you an example from my own life, unrelated to sex.

My marriage was a toxic and abusive relationship. Once my family discovered this, they quickly encouraged me to leave even though I had no income, no job, and essentially no other place to live.

A few years later, I was employed by a toxic and abusive employer. Even so, friends and family discouraged me from leaving out of the necessity for a source of income to care for my children.

From a cultural perspective, I get it. We are encouraged to leave toxic romantic relationships and tough it out with toxic employers at least until we find another option. From a spiritual perspective, it made absolutely no sense to be encouraged to leave one toxic relationship yet remain in another because of the cultural context when they both have the ability to inflict an equal level of harm from a psychological perspective and result in similar consequences (even when we tell ourselves otherwise).

For me, this scenario applies to sex and sexuality as well. The depth to which we are affected by certain experiences is highly influenced by our cultural perception. Declare that your spiritual perception vibrates higher than your cultural perception and it will be so.

It’s not about being careful about whom you exchange energy with, sexual or otherwise, it’s about learning to limit, manage, and discharge toxic energy effectively. Regardless of how it originated, this needs to happen across all social interactions and not just sex.

Am I telling you to be more promiscuous and engage in sex in a way that you wouldn’t usually? Not at all, unless that is what you feel compelled to do. I am telling you that one form of energy exchange is not more important than the other. Having fewer partners does not give you the increased ability to attract a more positive spiritual experience just has having more or multiple partners does not decrease this ability as we are often guided to believe.

We carry spiritual debris from all forms of social interaction simply because we do not discharge it appropriately. We must take care in all forms of energy exchange and not give sexual intercourse such a hard rep when it comes to aural energy. The law of attraction works the same with sex as it does with all other nonsexual acts regardless of your number of partners. Focus on the negative and that is what you will receive. Channel the positive and that is what you will meet completely unrelated to how many people you have or haven’t had sex with.

Culturally, we have taken on a very negative perspective when it comes to sex, and it is time for us to relinquish this dangerously self-critical perspective. Such a limited perspective of sexuality invalidates the experience of non-monogamous individuals. Know that these and other restrictions on our spiritual essence is simply the human mind’s way of making sense of its own reality by attempting to confine unbridled divinity.

Human is your form. Spirit is who you are. Sex is spiritual. I encourage you to embrace who you are in your current form and inevitably you shall transcend it.

This post was originally posted on House of Hathor. You can view the original post by following the link provided.

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Free My Postpartum Sexuality

There is relatively universal consensus that pregnancy and motherhood is a beautiful and blessed journey. For the most part, it is a common belief that “A child is a blessing from God.” That is how I’ve always heard it, but you ever notice how pregnancy and motherhood is a huge source of cultural shame?

The Dome of Shame

The moment I became visibly pregnant at 21 looking every bit of 17 as a black, unwed expectant mother, I could feel the difference in energy of the way I was perceived in the world. I could feel the stares and I could hear the whispers. Some of it didn’t come in whispers, just outright questioned expectations, disappointment, blame, ridicule and the like. I was excited to become a mother within myself but as I heard the words “Your life is over,” as I’m sure many women and girls had heard before me, all I could do was cry in spite of the joy that resonated from my womb. I felt weak, vulnerable, and strapped inside the “dome” of shame, referring to my taut, dome-shaped pregnant belly. I felt like I could not fully embrace the spiritual jubilance of carrying my child.

There is so much shame and blame associated with becoming a mother coupled with the details surrounding your journey: How many kids do you have? Do your kids have the same father? Were you married to their father? How old were you when you had your child? Did you graduate college? The list is endless. It was like I had less privilege without a man to validate me, without a marriage as proof of that validation.

God forbid you have three or more children with different fathers, be unwed, and never married. You carry the scarlet letter of shame. This was exactly the case with my own mother. I, her only daughter and eldest child, had to watch as she toiled in the psychological damage that resulted from her self-criticism and the constant judgement she received from others. Somewhere, I made a promise this would never happen to me.

Are you a bastard?

In 8th grade, a girl walked around the class pointing at students asking, “Are you a bastard?”, “Are you a bastard?” “I know you’re not a bastard.” “I’m not a bastard, because my parents were married before I was born.” She stood in front of me, pointed, and asked, “Victoria, are you a bastard.” I recall rolling my eyes and ignoring her as she walked over to the next student and posed the same question.

Of all the things that had happened to me in middle school, why do I remember this so vividly; why was this particular incident so effective that when I think of this moment, a part of me says, “Ha, now I have two children with the same father and all of her five children have different fathers,” despite the fact that I know in the grand scheme of life, it matters not at all. Why do I think this way? Because this type of cultural shame has been reinforced in our lives as women, as mothers over and over and over again.

Sex positive and body positive blog, Subscribe to PrettyPinkLotusBud.org for a refreshing perspective on sex, relationships, and spirituality. Tearing down social constructs one patriarchal perspective at a time.

Postpartum Bodies

Then comes the postpartum body judgement. Your lovely new “kangaroo pouch”, for those of us that don’t snap back or who were never snapped in the first place, means you are no longer suitable for male consumption.

Oh yes, let us not omit the infamous “Ewwww stretchmarks”. Yet another scar-let letter of shame. Pun intended. I watch mothers on Instagram, who flaunt their postpartum tummy (@powertoprevail) get grueling insults hurled at them so much that an entire campaign (Love Your Lines) uplifting the journey into motherhood and the bodily changes that come with it, was erected in their honor.  We shame mothers into hiding through the idolization of perfect bodies and the condemnation of what we categorize as imperfect ones, after they have emerged from the perilous yet miraculous labor of childbirth.

Honor & Celebrate Transition

Author Emily Nagoski proposed a beautiful idea in her book Come as you Are. “Let’s invent a ritual where women celebrate the transition into their postpartum bodies.”

When Maya Angelou traveled to Africa she stayed with a tribe who bathed communally. She said the women began to weep and console her and she didn’t know why. They thought she was childless because she had no stretch marks. In their society, marks are a badge of honor. They said that even if the baby died and she was kidnapped into a new village, if she passed away and could not speak for herself, the marks would tell her story and she would get the proper rites at her burial.

We must guide in a different way, uplift, honor, and empower ALL women and girls on their journey into motherhood. ALL of them and not just a select few who did it the “right” way. It is imperative that we love and embrace our transition into motherhood both physically and psychologically. Now more often than ever, we hear reports on the rise of postpartum depression. I do not wonder why.

The lack of appreciation for being the giver of life is beyond disgusting.

Welcome to postpartum motherhood, the land of “damaged goods”. The place where your shitty baby’s father threatens to leave because no one else is gonna want you anyway. I actually heard one of the guys from TeenMom say that to the mother of his child. All I could think was, “Oh wow, is this what we think of our child bearers?” The place where you get likened to an old car that has lost its value with your “high mileage pussy.” I swear I didn’t make any of this up. Why do we treat women like they’re property and products; An asset that decreases in value over time and sexual experiences?

Postpartum Sexuality

As a mother, how can I be socially barred from being associated with sex when it is the very act of intercourse that brought me to this place of motherhood. To be a mother and to also be sexy creates a feeling of cognitive dissonance from both a personal and social perspective, a dichotomy that artist Michael explores quite nicely in his post “Cognitive Dissonance: Hestia vs Aphrodite.” In his post he talks about Hestia, Greek goddess of the hearth who is a virgin and Aphrodite, Greek goddess of love, beauty, pleasure and procreation. In summary, it mentions the way the goddesses represent two extremes of a single spectrum which mirrors the way women see themselves, the way that men view us as well as the way we are expected to exist in the real world. Essentially, it is difficult to accept us as being both; A feeling I can readily identify with as a woman, as a mother, and as a former wife.

There is such a dissociation between sex and motherhood that the thought of a mother having sex and being a sexual being is complete taboo. The idea of fucking someone’s mother is a repulsive turn off and she should tread carefully on any consideration of having sex with anyone who is not her child’s father or any other sexy behavior for that matter as not to be labeled a slut, whore, sorry excuse of a mother, poor example for her daughter, and an embarrassment to her family. And please don’t let a child result from such a union without a solid commitment to redeem her respect. The postpartum period of a woman’s life is a laundry list of things you shouldn’t do, clothes you shouldn’t wear, and people you shouldn’t be.

Free my postpartum sexuality.

Mother Slut

Get you a girl that can do both. We are not one dimensional. Yes, I am a mother. I am still fucking sexy and ****NEWS FLASH**** I also love to fuck. I still wear crop tops, booty shorts, and bikinis,  my stretchmarks proudly on display. Body dresses, stilettos, and brightly colored lipstick, fly by romance and one night stands are still a valid occurrence in my life. I twerk, I flirt, and in the bedroom, trust that I werk *snap, snap*. I wear what I want. I do what I want. I’ll be who I want. I embrace my postpartum body as my version of sexy. I am a single, sexy mommy. Yes, I am a fused duality of Hestia and Aphrodite; mother lover, mother goddess, mother slut.

Get you a girl that can do both. @juiceboxxqueen

Artist Feature

Eve” by artist Eric Heard.

To learn more about Eric’s work and how you can give his art a new home visit his IG. Check out his beautiful work, like, share, and buy, buy, gift.

thatsharveyson

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Creating the Sexually Liberated Woman

I remember my mother telling me a story of her first experiences as a parent. So vividly, I recall the one where I was playing in the bathtub as a toddler when I discovered my vulva. According to my mother, I was intrigued. I poked, prodded, and pulled at it. I even invited her to come see the new treasure I had discovered. Concerned, my mother asked my pediatrician if this was normal behavior. My pediatrician responded, “Perfectly, so.” And with that, my mother left me to my journey of self-exploration. My fascination with my feminine anatomy has yet to end.

I learned to please myself long before anyone else had the opportunity. Way back then, masturbation was not a sexual experience for me. At least, I did not see it that way. In sexuality, as with all other things, perception is the reality. Back then, I’d lie in the darkness, place my hands between my opened legs and gently massage my clitoris until my entire body would quake in pleasure. I’d feel so relaxed and fall quickly asleep. I use it for this very same purpose even today yet, it has served as climactic role in exploring the full range of my sexuality.

While researching and contemplating whether or not I would even launch PPLB, I did at least fifty Google searches on various phrases relating to female sexuality. I came across one post in particular on the blog SexLoveLiberation.com where its author, Ev’Yan Whitney, explores 14 Qualities of the Sexually Liberated Woman. I love that post so much. In fact, I love her entire blog, and I encourage you to visit. I also discovered an interesting piece on Female Sexuality, “How I became a sexually liberated woman” by author Wendy Lustworthy.

I, on the other hand, am more interested in exploring how the sexually liberated woman comes to be; how the sexually liberated woman is created. Is she in the words of the famous Lady GaGa song “born this way” or is she in some way, carefully cultivated?

Tweet: Is the sexually liberated woman born this way or is she created? https://ctt.ec/z4cIf+ @pinklotusbud

Tweet: Is the sexually liberated woman born this way or is she created? https://ctt.ec/z4cIf+ @pinklotusbud

 

As long as I’ve known my sexual self, inhibition has been almost nonexistent. Perhaps this can be attributed to my mother allowing me to explore myself without ridicule or judgment. I grew up in a small town filled with religious folk so in spite of my lack of inhibition, I was very, very cautious. In retrospect, I couldn’t really verbalize it but I knew exactly the type of person I wanted in my life and that has brought me deep intimacy with people who love, respect, and support me. That does not mean that I have not been without some choices that have resulted in epic failure.

Unlike the stories I have read about other women, I did not think sex was wrong in any context. I did not feel guilty about the desire to express myself sexually nor was sex this awful, non-orgasmic experience lacking in psychological stimulation. Not at all. From the earliest moments of my sexual debut, although a bit insecure about the act itself, I was open, comfortable, and confident in who I was and what I desired. I was fortunate to share my experience with individuals who were excited about my openness and eager to assist me in exploring my sexuality at all depths and detours.

Sex positive and body positive blog, Subscribe to PrettyPinkLotusBud.org for a refreshing perspective on sex, relationships, and spirituality. Tearing down social constructs one patriarchal perspective at a time.

There may be no road map to how one becomes a sexually liberated woman however, there are several parallels in the experiences of sexually liberated women. Those include:

  • Self-Love in its psychological and physical form
  • Being open and confident
  • Granting yourself permission to explore your sexuality
  • Having a genuine, separate interest in sex and love
  • Communicating your desires clearly
  • Having the courage to be sex positive and stand for open sexual expression

The journey of exploring my sexuality has been overflowing with the most amazing thrills and pleasures that every woman should experience before ascending. I’ve only been hesitant on whether I would share these experiences. Although I am a woman who has actively sought out my desires in the sexual arena, I still hold many of the concerns that most women hold. The concerns of being slut shamed, disrespected, or feeling devalued. Favorably, I have had the support and encouragement of those I am closest with and know me as the beautiful, intelligent, empathetic, open, loving, smart, amazing, maternal, sensual spirit that I am.

“Hypnotize”

The piece featured above has been created by artist Jessica Ryan Walker. To learn more about Jessica Ryan be sure to visit her website, admire, and purchase her beautiful art.

 jessicaryanwalker

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