Single Mother Sex

Me: So I met a guy
Relative: Oh, how nice. Tell me about him.
*Proceeds to spill with wonder and excitement*
Relative: How wonderful? Does he know about the kids?
Me: Yes, he knows.
Relative: Has he met the kids?
Me: No, not yet.
Relative: Do you plan on introducing him to the kids?

Yada, yada, blah, blah, blah

For the life of me, I still cannot figure out why one might think you would attempt to hide the fact that you have children who live with you nine months out of the year from someone with whom you have the potential to become seriously involved.

But anyway…

Rules, Rules, Rules

When I first became a single mother, I already knew that navigating sex would not be the easiest task. Along with the physical body changes came a full blown lifestyle change. Complete with a list of “single mother dating” rules to accompany. Mostly hetero-rules like:

  • Don’t bring too many different guys around your children.
  • Wait awhile before introducing a new guy.
  • Be careful of the things you do and say in regards to dating around your kids.
  • Be careful of PDA in front of your children. (You don’t want it to become a situation of a new guy every month; it confuses the child *INSERT SARCASM HERE*)
  • Bringing different men around your daughter presents the wrong ideals.
  • Bringing different men around your son leaves an impression

I kinda went along even though I couldn’t decide whether these were good rules for myself. After all, I don’t quite adhere to the hetero-normative narrative of society. My greatest dilemma became, so when do I get to have my time? As a single mother, I share a large chunk of my free time with my children. Besides when I am at work, where ever I am, so are my children.

As you may be able to imagine, single parenting can be extremely stressful. For me, sex is a huge stress release, and not being able to have regular sex can compound that stress and add frustration. Sex became a ritual of sorts, occurring only a few times a year when I could get the kids to sleep early enough and have my company out before they woke in the morning. These rituals turned into a full on sexual splurge when my children were away during the summer and winter breaks which contributed to how this blog was conceived, no pun intended.

I soon grew exhausted of this process and decided to reserve sex only for the breaks and sleep overs with my girlfriend. This was still difficult because, it takes some time to find someone you desire to have sex with regularly all summer long after not being involved with anyone for the entire year. A game of Tinder swiping, random hook-ups, and dating uninterestedly so you don’t seem too hoe-ish cause all you’re really looking for is sex is like shopping for the perfect pair of shoes to wear to the party of the year that you’d rather not attend.

It is certainly an equally exhausting process.

“My sex drive is way too high for the amount of sex I’m not having.”

Excuse me while I toot my own horn, but I am a great lover (with lots of valuable experience) who absolutely loves sex in its many facilities. Sex for me is like the study of the person with whom I am engaged.

But I digress.

Sex-Positive Single Parenting…I Guess

As my children grow older, I am more open with them about my sexuality as a single mother. Do I sit around having conversations with them about myself as a sexual being? In fact, I certainly do. Mostly with my nine and a half year old prepubescent daughter. I need my children to understand that having a partner does not validate or invalidate your sexual desires as a human person.

I’ve learned through the ascension of my own mother that understanding your mother (and other persons) as a human being is more important than understanding or following the rules of society.

The decision to meet your own physiological needs is nothing to hide, or be ashamed of which we have been conditioned to believe about many physiological needs, especially sex. I don’t bring many people around my children anyway, whether there is a romantic involvement or not simply because I’m not of that personality type. I’ve learned of myself as a single mother that it’s unnecessary to take all these extra-exposural precautions (Yes, I did just make that word up and it seems absolutely appropriate for what I need to say so I’m going with it). In addition, I am certainly the type to be involved with individuals who are just friends. So, how does that work? Do I then decide not to bring my friends around my children just because we’ve had sex?

I think not.

Sex with Friends- it can work

Although, there have been great debates online and abroad, I am a testament to the fact that sex with friends is absolutely and wonderfully possible. Some of my very best, most loyal friends are individuals with whom I have had some sort of sexual contact.

I can say that my participation in this little game of navigating single mother sex has brought forth a profound appreciation for the sex that I am able to have. I have become much more discerning about whom I have sex with and much more keen about cultivating the sexual experience that I desire with precision and intention.

I find that I need sex, in general, a lot less than I need AMAZING, MIND BLOWING sex which is much more likely than it may have been had I not been selective due to single parenting. It certainly takes you a lot further during times of drought. All things happen with purpose.

I’ve come to understand that simply having the opportunity to have sex is not always worth the efforts of having to create that opportunity; Paying a sitter, renting a hotel room, having to adhere to a schedule and not being able to sleep in to truly enjoy the experience. To have it only end up being a mediocre experience can be stressful in itself, and feels like such a waste of time that could have been spent well…writing which is never a wasted of time.

My theme for sex in the most recent two years has been the T.I. song, “I don’t want no mediocre.”

 

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To Be a Sex Positive Parent

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

I strive to raise sex positive children and as much as I strive for this, the reality is I don’t really know how. Contrary to what this blog may project…I am not a sex expert. The idea of being sex positive in general is relatively new to me so the concept of sex positive parenting is completely uncharted territory. However, it is not outside my experience and there are some resources like this piece by sex therapist Kristin Hambridge, Sex + Parenting. And this one, This Is What Sex-Positive Parenting Really Looks Like, that I can’t stop rereading.

My children are young, nine and four, as I write these words. Discussing anatomical names and physiological locations for body parts is easy, but what about everything else.

When I’ve asked people, mainly women, they tell me that sex education was largely absent in their upbringing. I believed I’ve mentioned before that my parents never talked to me about sex. Fortunately, I liked to read and had a keen curiosity when it came to my body and sex in general.

The first conversation I ever had about sex, I was in middle school with a group of high school aged girls who took it upon themselves to educate me once they noticed all of the attention I was getting from guys that were in high school.

Being a sex positive parent means giving my children the knowledge and experience I wish I would have had if I had it to do again. And taking all of the high energy experiences I appreciated having and gifting that to them as well.

Confounds of Conditioning

I speak very openly about my desire to educate my children without restriction when it comes to sexuality. There are few people who agree with my methods. I can confidently say, this is mainly due to their own conditioning. The same conditioning that teaches us that sex is mostly (or only) for a man’s pleasure. The same conditioning that accepts double standards as the standard. The same conditioning that teaches a woman that it’s ok for a guy to touch her, but it’s gross to touch herself, or that sex is something you do behind closed doors and you certainly do not discuss it openly. Yes, I experienced the same conditioning. Even though I did not subscribe to all of it personally, I was going right along with it.

However, this is not where I am coming from. First, I am actively questioning and revolutionizing every ideal within my awareness about sexuality (because there are things that I am still unaware of). I am deciding which of those ideals resonate with me, which ones are counter productive to who I am, and which of them are my own formed beliefs. So few of them are my own.

One of my friends said to me, “Victoria, for the sake of your children, I hope you are doing this right.” I’m sure they meant well but I didn’t hesitate to let them know that my decision to raise sex positive children is not about being right or wrong. My children are not some social experiment in a “Most Successful” parenting competition.

Life is about giving your children all the things you never had, right? (Maybe…) For me, I did not have the knowledge to make a well-informed decision when it came to my own sexuality or even the decision to engage in the act of sex, which has had some unwarranted effects on relationships that were very important to me.

I was not very sexually empowered and occasionally found myself in situations I had not been prepared to deal with. Of course this happens in life, but it happened significantly more often for sexual encounters. Situations I had not been prepared for and had not been taught to properly navigate.

Desexualizing Nudity

I believe this is the most important component to raising sex positive children.

I walk around my home completely nude. Yes, in front of my children and so do my children. I can’t tell you how many people have gasped at this revelation. My son, who is four years old, occasionally plays with my boobs and crawls underneath my dresses. So did my daughter at that age. I mean, why not, it’s completely non-sexual: boobs are fun to play with and ankle-length dresses are like tents. When I was a child, I used to play with my dad’s boobs (Yes, my dad had boobs!), and I’ll hear you say that that’s different but only because we make it so.

My children love on my nudity all the time and I allow it because not only is it good for them, it’s also good for me. When my daughter runs her hand across my tummy, she doesn’t think how gross and ugly my stretchmarks look. She questions where I got them and when she might receive her own. This helps me recognize my own conditioning towards my postpartum body.

When my son nestles his face into my breast, it is simply his way of comforting himself. He nursed from my breast for the first thirteen months of his life, that memory is not so far away for either of us. Motherhood has helped me see that a body is not just reserved for sex. And of course, I knew that already but it was not a part of my conditioning. Therefore nonsexual bodily interactions that occur between me and my children are indeed normal however generally may be perceived by others as inappropriate.

Sexualizing children is one of my greatest pet peeves but it’s something we’ve been conditioned to do. We do it without a second thought as to the origins of such a thought.

Empowerment to the Children

Even though I found myself in those situations, I was thankful that my mom taught me that it is perfectly acceptable to say no in any situation. Although she did not say so explicitly, in my mind, sex was not different.

Now being in a situation where I didn’t know whether I wanted to say yes or no was a whole other issue and a bit trickier. No one ever taught me how to listen to my inner self to make these sort of decisions. That’s a post in itself though.

When I sit with women and talk about these things, most experiences are relatable however outcomes may differ. I try to figure out where our experiences diverge. It is through these conversations that I’ve learned so many women were not taught to explicitly say no. (And I’m still exploring the why of this: Why aren’t women taught explicitly to say no?)…and of course I’m aware of the whole, “Why is the responsibility placed solely on the woman?” I’m so there although I’ve learned to navigate this thing one question at a time…the overlap will eventually reveal itself.

It’s weird to have been taught to stand up for what you believe in and trust your intuition except when it comes to sex. I was always taught that your hormones will deceive you and your emotions will betray you. BLASPHEMY! I know that now.

I was not taught to acknowledge my body at all in any way. Perhaps if I’d been a dancer or an athlete that may not have been the case, however, that is not my story. I was only ever taught to hide and cover myself: skirts below the knee and shirts up to my collar bone. My physical and psychological pubescent changes were never directly acknowledged outside of my menstrual cycle. These conversations occur regularly now between me and my own daughter.

I want to empower my children to explore their sexuality however they choose. I want to teach them that it is perfectly acceptable to reject experiences that do not resonate within. If a thing does occur, willingly or unwillingly, it is not something you need to feel guilt or shame about.

Fearlessly Open

Whenever I encounter bullies in my life, the first thing I’d do is tell somebody. Put them right on blast so everyone would know. I wish I had been taught to be so fearlessly open when it came to exposing the “bully” of conditioning in my own life. Hell, I didn’t even possess the awareness to be so vigilant. I would like my kids to have a different option. Does this mean they’ll make all the right and great decisions? I’m sure they won’t. But once again, that isn’t the goal.

I want my children to know that it is perfectly acceptable to challenge the status quo. You don’t need to go along to get along. Let’s talk about it. What’s done in the dark must be brought to the light or else people will go on just pretending it doesn’t happen. PERIOD.

I’ve had someone say to me, if you teach your daughter to be as sexually liberated as you are, aren’t you concerned about predators. Nope…they exist regardless of whether she is sex positive, sexually liberated, or totally oblivious. They may still come for her and while I cannot change others behaviors, I can make her aware of her every option and right as a human person.

Encouraging my children to use their words, to write what they cannot say, to draw what they cannot write, and to simply be still if they need to is so important to my endeavors of sex positive parenting. No form, of the way you choose to express yourself, is greater than another.

For me, this is so much deeper than intercourse. It’s about fostering healthy attitudes, and relationships, first with your whole self, in order to choose healthy sexual experiences and boundaries with others. By whole self I mean physical, psychological, spiritual, as well as sexual (which embodies all three).

**SIGH**
I could go on and on because the freedom to explore one’s sexuality, openly and safely in the way that they desire, is so important to me. I desire for my children to find strength and sensuality in sex instead of shame, objectification, and health stigmas.

Yes, I could go on but I won’t. I’ll just stop right here and you can subscribe to keep abreast of my sex positive parenting adventures. After all, this is just theory.


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Why My Sex Positivity is Not without Fear, Shame, or Trauma.

Sex positivity, like social justice, like self-care, is becoming a catch phrase that is being used sometimes loosely and without a multifaceted understanding of the phrase’s function. Frequently, sex-positivity is often used to categorize or define free spirited, and fun sexual behavior. I myself have used this word to describe my message around masturbation and its benefits to Black Womxn or to provide context to my nude art.

While I think this understanding of sex-positivity should be a part of its definition, I do not think it should be the sole way that we interact with “sex-positivity”. I have been recently reminded or challenged rather to reconsider the meaning and function of sex positivity. My homegirl recently sent me a picture that Traci Ellis Ross posted on her Instagram that defined sex positivity beyond the meaning of someone who beautifully owns their sexuality. I was challenged to think about if one doesn’t “beautifully” own their sexuality does this make them sex-negative? Or more relational to me, does one whom owns their sexuality “beautifully”, somehow without the residue of sex-negativity or sexual shame? I can tell you for certain the answer is no!

Why my sex positivity is not without fear, shame or trauma

Since doing this work, I have been confronted with people’s judgements, praise, and confusion of why I do what I do, and their projected definitions on to me. Given this, I have come to realize how uncomfortable I have become with the sometimes valid misconceptions that are fixed upon my body, my message, and my business. Because I am pro-Black nudity, pro-Black sex, pro-Black femininity, pro-Black masturbation and etc., folks validly assume that I am a sexual goddess freak bitch whom is able to make balls disappear in my throat. They assume that I am a pro at pleasing someone sexually, that I am a confident sistah who knows how to spin around on the D and keep it inside, as Trina said on her hit single “Look back at it”.

Sex positive Art by Favianna Rodriquez

Favianna.com

They look at me as if I am sexually perfect and without insecurity, shame and trauma. Some of this is my fault, as I have internalized some shit over the years and thus showcased these internalizations, but some of this is assumptions, and perceptions being placed on me. This is my critique of the word positive in general is that it negates the presence or possibility of negativity, and the energy that exist between positivity and negativity. I blame Eurocentric and/or westernized culture for it conditioning us to only honor binaries. We have a tendency to operate within defining things as one or the other, and if something is good then it is solely positive, and if something is bad then it is solely negative.

I want to push us though to think beyond the “either or” and understand that positivity and negativity like water is fluid, and the presence of one doesn’t mean the non-presence of the other. To be clearer, I am saying, negativity and positivity can exist simultaneously; perhaps there will be a conflict or struggle between the two, but they can absolutely be present in the same person, place or thing and at the same time. If this stands true then this must be applicable to the way we understand and interact with sex-positivity.

Let us consider in the first place why sex-positivity is even a thing. Sex-positivity is a movement to reclaim sexuality as something that is “normal”, “beautiful”, consensual, and to remove it out of the privilege rigged, taboo, and shameful paradigms that often it exist in. In addition to that, this movement is about or should be about providing and protecting womxn’s rightful option to be sexual or not. Black Womxn have added an intersectional approach to this movement and we have been taking steps to analyze, reclaim and redefine our sexual politics. Thus, sex-positivity, I would argue, is born out of a culture that has perverted, shamed, racialized and taboolized and violated folks through the vehicle of sex and sexuality. By virtue of this reality we cannot negate that those whom are sex-positive are fighting through shame, and trauma. I am still very much sexually insecure, and battle with body-positivity, insecurities of not fulfilling or meeting someone’s sexual expectations.

I have trauma, violent, and unhealthy sexual experiences that I have only addressed in my head or said out loud to a few people. Like many Black Womxn whom identify as sex-positive, I am fighting through barriers and ideologies that have been created to limit or control my sexual expressions. I am fighting through my secrets, and the shame that is birthed from them. Perhaps this is why I am sex positive because I found a space where I can exist without being totally spiritually assassinated by my shame and trauma. My hope is that when people engage with my work, my being, my body, and my business is that none of these become the standard or romanticized. I am just as much a sexual mess as I am a sexual goddess, I am unpacking, healing, learning and decolonizing and thus my sex-positivity is not without fear, shame or trauma.

Myisha M Soule

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality- Myisha Soule

About the Author

My name is Myisha, my name means womxn and giver of life, and I am from Oakland California! I grew up in a house with my mother, my grandmother, my aunte, and a cousin that I am four days apart from. I have always been a person who has been deeply chaotic but immensely brilliant! I am trying to walk in my truth, and trying to find the space to uphold balance between my chaos and brilliance. I recently started my business, soulzandgspotz.com which focuses on empowering Black Womxn through masturbation.  I have two degrees that hold little value in comparison to the experiences gained from obtaining them, but if you care to know what they are, I have a B.A in Communication with a minor in Ethnic Studies, and a Master’s in Education with an emphasis in leadership.  All in all, I am trying to find myself, fulfill the ancestor’s purpose for me, conquer my demons, help my people, have a baby, and a fine man, and live life as whole, truthful, and unapologetic as possible.

Want to share your journey here on PrettyPinkLotusBud.org? Contact us or email us at hellolovely@prettypinklotusbud.org


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Join the Women’s Orgasms Matter Campaign

I received this campaign a few months ago as I began to dive into the world wide web of sex blogging. There was so much underneath the forbidden surface of it all; much more than I could ever imagine.

More than anything, I could clearly see the disparities in sex education between educating men and educating women through formal education as well as social interaction which results in huge inconsistencies in sexual experiences among those same groups. Victoria of Euphoric Epiphany explores some of those reasons in her recent post on Why Women’s Orgams Matter.

Let’s start a movement!

Women’s Orgasms Matter is a campaign created for sex positive and body positive sex education advocating for sexual freedom. Our focus is on sex positive sex education through sexual pleasure and sexual freedom.

Our goal is to promote empowerment by giving individuals what they need to make informed sexual decision which contribute to improvement in sexual health, reduction in undesired pregnancy, the confidence of being sexually aware, and simply attaining the sexual experience that you desire and all that may entail.

There are so many reasons why women’s orgasms matter and throughout this campaign, you are welcomed to join in the conversation using the hashtag #WomensOrgasmsMatter. We will be publishing and featuring video and posts by others joining us in this campaign. I am so excited to discover why women’s orgasms matter to all the beautiful people in the world.

Show your support!

You can show your support for the #WOM campaign by donating to our crowdfunding efforts which create and provides sex positive sex education materials as well as forums and workshops for open dialogue on sexuality to both men and women, young and old.

Women's Orgasms Matter go fund me (crowd funding) campaign

Women’s Orgasms Matter is without a doubt a collective community effort and requires the voice of every sex positive advocate to be successful.

You can also show your support by purchasing the #WOM t-shirt on Tee-Spring. I recently wore my own #WOM t-shirt to Houston Pride Parade and it was certainly a hit. So if you’re in the Houston circles and happen across any photos of me please let me know. I appreciate it.

If you would like to donate items or educational materials to this campaign please contact us to let us know. We appreciate all donations and recognize our donors publicly.

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I will be promoting some of those giveaways via Instagram ONLY. I invite you to follow me, Pretty Pink Lotus Bud, there as well because I don’t want you to miss out.

Without further ado, let’s kick this campaign off with this lovely Instagram giveaway.

All you have to do is REPOST this photo, TAG me and two friends (in your repost) who might be interested in joining this movement and COMPLETE the statement, Women’s Orgasms Matter because…below the photo. Once you are done leave #WomensOrgasmsMatter (or #WOM) in the comments below our campaign photo for entry into this giveaway. Winner will be drawn at 1k followers. Let’s do this!

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Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality- HIV Awareness

To Love Someone with HIV

I wonder why you clicked this link. Is it because you truly want to know what it’s like to love someone with HIV? Is it because you want to know if my feelings of loving someone with HIV are the same as yours? Or maybe it is because you couldn’t pass up an opportunity to stigmatize and judge yet another person with HIV?

HIV is an illusion to many of us who are not directly affected by it. It isn’t real to us: some distant celebrity or unknown persons with a substance addiction, some local fear tactic. It just doesn’t exist to us; it’s not our concern. Not knowing quite how to care.

To love someone with HIV was the most painful experience in my life. You’d think I was the one who had been diagnosed.

But why, why was it such a painful experience? There have been so many medical advances when it comes to HIV and AIDS that such a diagnoses is no longer the death sentence it was once thought to be. Today, persons diagnosed with the virus can look forward to living long and prosperous lives. Am I right?

You couldn’t be more wrong. From a perspective of physical health, that is true, because of medical advances, some persons diagnosed with HIV can live healthy lives. We’ve even made advanced steps towards prevention with PrEP (coming soon in generic form). For others, this is not so. From a social perspective, an HIV diagnoses can absolutely become a death sentence; one of shame, of guilt, and of discrimination. The stigma of HIV is now more dangerous than the actual virus itself. Not just to physical health, but psychological well being most of all.

Eradicate the stigma and discrimination associated with HIV @PrettyPinkLotusBud

Robbery by Shame

I never realized shame could actually rob a person of their will to live. But I witnessed it with my own eyes, with my own beingness as shame and guilt sucked the life right out of my mother. To know that someone you love is suffering, dying a slow and excruciating death to shame, guilt, and heavy stigmas surrounding the diagnosis of HIV is excruciating to watch.

Shame is the plague to our journey of self-realization.

My mother was HIV positive. I remember when she sat down to tell me. She spoke with such somber disappointment; an air of defeat all around her. I responded with shock which wasn’t the best response, but it’s the one that occurs when something you never thought could happen happens to you.

It was exactly this moment that HIV became real to me. It didn’t take me long to process it. Despite my initial shock, there was nothing to process. She was my mother, I loved her just the same. Her diagnoses did not matter to me and soon it left my mind altogether, but it never left hers. How could it with the stigma of HIV lingering stagnant all around us despite medical advances?

Suicide by Diagnosis

During the time after my mother had been diagnosed, she had also been diagnosed with cervical cancer. I lived a distance away so I didn’t see my mom that often. When I did see her I was constantly reminded of her diagnoses as I watched her withdraw from the world, withdraw from family, from us, her children, from her grandchild, my daughter whom I knew was her most favorite something in this life…my best gift I could have given her. The stigma of HIV had my mother by the balls if there were such a thing for her. She was cornered in a depressing and lonely place.

The hugs and kisses became fewer and the distance greater. It was like she was punishing herself, so careful not to pass her virus to others. Prior to her diagnoses, I used to say to her, “Ma, you can’t contract HIV that way.” Then she’d tell me, “That’s what they tell you now, years later they’ll be saying something different.” As a nurse, she had a lot of inside information on the “unknowns” of HIV. Just a random tidbit.

She’d tell me about her experiences and encounters with people who were aware of her diagnoses. Sometimes she’d become so hurt by the judgement, she’d erupt in anger and other times she’d laugh hysterically about the facial expressions and reactions of others. Mostly she just stayed tucked away from everything and everyone.

Eradicate the stigma and discrimination associated with HIV @PrettyPinkLotusBud

Your love is my love; Your pain is my pain.

I hurt. I hurt because she hurt because even as her daughter, not judging her and loving her just the same was not enough to overcome the social stigma of HIV. No matter what I said, no matter what I did none of it helped…none of it convinced her to fight. She tried to fake it, but like me, my mother was never good at that thing…faking. She was pretending for us which also caused me terrible pain.

There is no shame in desiring death. Death is peace.

I cried often. I prayed for God to help her see how loved she was. But all she could hear were voices of judgment crowding her in shadows of shame. I know because that’s all I could hear from her.

It hurt so much to witness my mother in such a weakened state after seeing her be so strong for so long. So much that at times I could not stand to be around her very long without bursting into tears. I tried and often times she’d console me and apologize constantly for her sadness, for her desire for death. She didn’t need to apologize, I understood much more than I ever wanted to.

Stamp out Stigma and Discrimination

My beloved mother ascended into greatness on what was Wednesday, June 27th 2012 which also happens to be National HIV Testing day first observed on June 27th 1995. Not very many family or friends knew that my mother was HIV positive and still don’t however, I doubt I have to tell you why. Even in her ascension it is still only whispered about among those of us who do know. For awhile, I was the only one she told.

I wrestled a lot with myself about whether I should write and publish this post because of the same reasons…stigmas that caused my mother to withdraw from life. But I’ve found that the more I talk about it, the more open I am about it, the less need I have to hide it, and the less shame I feel about it.

Eradicating the stigma of HIV will not be easy but it is absolutely necessary.

To learn more about the stigma of HIV visit HIV Stigma and Discrimination and Stigma and Discrimination against Women Living with HIV.

You should also check out Angry Black Hoemo’s HIV Stigma: A(nother) Tool of Homophobia & Direct Enemy of Prevention where he gives his blunt and honest perspective on the stigmas of HIV.

Free testing is available in many places on June 27th. To find out more about HIV and how you can get free testing on testing day visit National HIV Testing Day on Chronicsex.org.

Eradicate the stigma and discrimination associated with HIV @PrettyPinkLotusBud

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Is someone you love living with HIV? How does/did it affect you?

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The Myth of the Slut

Long ago when matriarchy ruled as patriarchy does today, men competed for the affection, attention, and approval of women. Women were worshiped and the Goddess ruled the heavens. Women had reign to choose any man they desired to fulfill their most imaginative fantasies. The most physically and sexually capable of the bunch were always top choice.

Men had no power

Men had to justify their existence, for they had very little importance beyond their ability to fertilize female eggs and move heavy objects. They were very much like worker ants and bees. They did the heavy physical labor, and made sure that children were produced and protected. (Walsch, 41)

Women would hold lavish ceremonies. They danced, chanted, ate, drank, and sat in prayer and meditation to bestow gratitude upon the Goddess for her love and abundance. During these ceremonies, each woman would spend time have sex with various men she felt an attraction to in order to select a suitable well-endowed, handsome, and physically capable strong mate who would bring her great pleasure and healthy children. The women would dress in almost nothing to seduce the men, who proudly walked about naked and erect, and observed how they measured up.

These ceremonies would last from the fall of the full moon until the rise of the new. Women participated in duos, trios, and group experiences of multiple orgasmic pleasure. Their climaxes could be heard for miles. The women even indulged in bringing one another pleasure while others watched on. Sex during this time was not a private act nor was it an objective act. These acts were the purest expression of boundless, authentic love. To do it openly and often was to pay homage to the Goddess.

Several offspring were born of these rituals with no concern of whom the father might be. All the men participated equally in the protection and rearing of the children. It was an amazing celebration of sexual pleasure and spiritual connection as they worshiped the Goddess of the Yoniverse.

It was indulgently wonderful, except everyone did not get to enjoy these ceremonies. Only the strongest, most handsome, empathetic, and intelligent of the men were invited.

Overthrown

Unfortunately, not all men measured up. These men became bitter and resentful. They began plotting to reverse the roles. After centuries, of playing the subservient role of meat suppliers, the men finally convinced the women to give them more power, but those men became greedy. They began to spread rumors of the Goddess having given birth to an evil son (later known as the devil) who planned to overthrow the spiritual kingdom and the male God was brought forth for protection.

As time passed, the rumors began to grow. The Goddess pledged her loyalty to God, forsaking all others. Women began to follow Her example as it was their ultimate desire to be all that the Goddess was. Many women knew this was a trick and continued to follow the original ways of the Goddess. The men could not let this happen. They could not allow the women to realize their divine essence and reclaim their power over men. Fearing the loss of their own power, the men turned to social manipulation. Women who refused to pledge their loyalty to one man, acting out in rebellion, were shamed into conformity. Thus, the slut came into being. The Goddess soon disappeared from worship altogether.

Myth and Magic

Women were socially ostracized and physically punished for being with more than one man. Social constructs were invented to define virginity (the hymen story). Sex in exchange for goods and services, once seen as a lavishly, prestigious role performed by the most seductive women, was given derogatory labels (whore and prostitution) and declared illegal. Women’s breasts were regarded as obscene. Female genitalia and pregnancy out of wedlock became a source of cultural shame. Social suppression of sexual desires turned into self-suppression of sexual desires; All invented to control women’s sexuality and prevent their reemergence to magnificence alongside the Goddess.

So you see, the slut is a myth, no more real than Sasquatch or the Loch Ness monster. Although, like Sasquatch and the Loch Ness monster, some people still believe she exists. Slut is a shameful label given to magical women, the boldest and the bravest of us all. In truth, slut is the essence of a woman rekindling her spiritual beingness as a sexual goddess; doing her due diligence to unlock the treasures of her deepest desires rendering her worthy of becoming one with the true Goddess once more. The one labeled slut is a woman who recognizes her freedom to pursue her sexual potential and all the wonderful pleasure it brings.

Sluts are like Unicorns; although they do not exist, they represent something quite rare and truly magical.

 

References
Nagoski, Emily. Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, 2015.

Walsch, Neale Donald. Conversations with God: An uncommon dialogue book 3. Hampton Roads Publishing Company, 1998.

Artist Feature:

Try Me Once” by Artist: Joel Dietz, TouchMeDeeply 

To learn more about our featured artist and his work visit, Touchmedeeply.com. If there is a specific piece you’d like, please contact via email: deeplytouchme@ gmail.com to purchase art prints and more.

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