Vaginas are not that complicated
Pussy is not that anatomically complicated. People are out here making it seem like it’s rocket science; it’s not. The outside is called the vulva and the inside is the vagina. See easy. All the parts of the vulva you can see and touch, are quite easy to find and remember once you get some up close and personal hands on experience. But you gotta dive in, lights on, eyes opened, and face first.
It seems like a lack of desire fueled by conditioning, misogynistic and patriarchal propaganda, social constructs and the severe deficit of sex education that is the cause of resistance when it comes to learning the pussy; causing a person to not want to get too up close and personal with the female sexual anatomy. We fear what we do not understand.
Pussy is beautiful and absolutely amazing. Trust me, I have one, but if you listen to what society teaches you in the readily available mainstreams of our culture, you might learn something opposite.
Growing up in church with unclean women
I grew up in a small, southern town in Mississippi where I attended a missionary baptist church. I was raised on those biblical teachings: Sunday school, bible study, choir rehearsal. Before a certain point in my life, I was always at church for some reason or another.
As a young girl, I recall one Sunday in particular. A woman in our congregation, whom also happened to be well-known in our community, stood up to announce that she had been called upon by god to minister to her people. I’d seen this happen before in the church, but this time it was different. Something different was happening. As a child, I did not understand why, but as I got older I grew into the understanding of that experience.
In the past, I had only witnessed men who stood to announce themselves as ministers, preachers, and reverends. When Ms. Cat, as we called her, stood to make her announcement, you could feel the energy shift within the church. There were whispers about the uncleanliness of women due to her monthly cycle and how she was not permitted by god to stand and give “the word” from the pulpit. There were several meeting announcements, more than usual and it caused quite a commotion in our community. After several meetings, deacon board meetings, members and congregation meetings, pastors meetings etc, it was decided that she would be permitted to join the ranks of a position long held only by men in our church. I was one of my very first memories of being a woman.
Those smelly, yucky vaginas
This is what mainstream, religious culture teaches us. Women are unclean; women are the cause of sin; women are the link between man and sin; women are unclean because of their vaginas; women are unclean because they bleed from their vaginas; women are unclean because they’re sex organs are tucked on the inside and cannot be properly cleaned; you can tell that a woman is unclean because of odor and discharge (even referring to natural odor and discharge) . It’s gross to touch a woman’s pussy because of odor and discharge. Women are more susceptible to infections. Women are more likely to contract and carry infections (STI, Yeast, or Bacterial). To which, regardless of how the infection was contracted, all leads back to uncleanliness.
These are very much the messages that I have received from society as women. I’m sure other women can relate. And if you’re like me and these things have been culturally embedded particularly to the point where you’ve actually subscribed to them and believed in them (which I have not and do not) then there’s absolutely no way you have any desire to put your face, mouth, or tongue in or on someone’s pussy. There are women with vulvas who think it is absolutely gross and won’t allow it done to them. There are also men who find it gross and refuse to do it.
And this is the real reason he won’t eat your pussy. Culturally embedded beliefs about feminine hygiene which includes the sell of sprays, washes, douche, and other products that fund a market that is expected to reach 42.7 Billion by 2022. All of these things contribute to callow ideas regarding vaginas and vulvas.
Peer Pressure of eating Pussy
The first time my ex boyfriend played with my pussy, he held his hand away from his body as though he’s just dipped his hand in acid. And the first time he ate my pussy he spat in an empty soda bottle for several minutes afterwards and then went to rinse his mouth with Listerine. That was not my first stroll around the block by far and I found the entire interaction absolutely hilarious. He kept apologizing and explaining that is was no offense to me. I understood. I had been conditioned to believe the same thing he was feeling in that moment.
Eating pussy seems popular. It seems like everyone is doing it or at the very least everyone with a partner who has a vulva should be doing it…right? Because of all of this scientific evidence about nerve endings and clitorises, how it brings a woman so much pleasure and helps us reach orgasms more easily which seems to be relatively absent from heterosexual intercourse without ever addressing the issue of why I never considered doing this in the first place. Yes, because they weren’t taught, but more importantly, why they weren’t taught to.
Eating pussy is a delightful and enjoyable experience and not just for the person receiving. What can I say, you are what you eat!
However, the reality is some folks don’t feel comfortable because of what we have been conditioned to believe; what we have been programmed to believe about women and the uncleanliness of our sex organs.
Girls Against Cunnilingus
Did you even know this was a thing? I’ll be honest. I didn’t until I heard it with my own ears. One woman disclosed that she enjoyed receiving oral sex, but it was not something she encouraged. She went on to say that she would allow a person to give her oral sex, but would not kiss them afterwards because she thinks it’s gross. Another woman disclosed that she does not allow her partner to perform oral sex on her for the same reason–she believes “it’s absolutely disgusting.” And I get it, I hear similar things all the time.
I mean if there is a woman who doesn’t want to touch herself to masturbate, then understanding that there is one who doesn’t want her partner to go down on here because she doesn’t want to kiss them afterwards is not too far fetched. Please understand that I’m not shaming anyone here. It’s perfectly fine to not enjoy oral sex for what ever reason. Everything is not for everyone.
Enthusiasm vs Obligation
When I’m with a guy who does it, but does so reluctantly, the energy is so much different than the guy who does it enthusiastically. It’s like some guys feel peer pressured to eat pussy. Whether it’s because they just want their partner to enjoy it, peer pressure from society, or some other personal reason. Instead of it being from a place of desire, it comes from a place of obligation and I don’t like that word much at all especially when it involves anything sexual. In order for me to enjoy it, it definitely has to be something I love doing and I expressed as much in my Joys of Fellatio series last summer.
I enjoy receiving oral sex a lot. I like to watch. I love the way it feels, however I don’t need to receive it in order to reach orgasm. So in order for me to enjoy receiving, I require a partner that enjoys giving. I absolutely need enthusiastic consent in order to enjoy oral sex. Other than that, it is not necessary for an orgasm but it absolutely makes sex better ←No doubt about it. Which means I’d rather have it than not just to make myself real extra clear.
For many women, eating the pussy is necessary for both enjoyment and orgasm. And now that we know the real reason behind why he won’t eat your pussy, let us work on that part. Let’s get reacquainted with the vulva, the vagina, the female sex organs, the pussy. Let’s honor pussy. The vulva and vagina is a sacred space deserving veneration. Be dauntless in reclaiming the vagina narrative.