All Opposed to Cunnilingus Say I

Vaginas are not that complicated

Pussy is not that anatomically complicated. People are out here making it seem like it’s rocket science; it’s not. The outside is called the vulva and the inside is the vagina. See easy. All the parts of the vulva you can see and touch, are quite easy to find and remember once you get some up close and personal hands on experience. But you gotta dive in, lights on, eyes opened, and face first.

It seems like a lack of desire fueled by conditioning, misogynistic and patriarchal propaganda, social constructs and the severe deficit of sex education that is the cause of resistance when it comes to learning the pussy; causing a person to not want to get too up close and personal with the female sexual anatomy. We fear what we do not understand.

Pussy is beautiful and absolutely amazing. Trust me, I have one, but if you listen to what society teaches you in the readily available mainstreams of our culture, you might learn something opposite.

Growing up in church with unclean women

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I grew up in a small, southern town in Mississippi where I attended a missionary baptist church. I was raised on those biblical teachings: Sunday school, bible study, choir rehearsal. Before a certain point in my life, I was always at church for some reason or another.

As a young girl, I recall one Sunday in particular. A woman in our congregation, whom also happened to be well-known in our community, stood up to announce that she had been called upon by god to minister to her people. I’d seen this happen before in the church, but this time it was different. Something different was happening. As a child, I did not understand why, but as I got older I grew into the understanding of that experience.

In the past, I had only witnessed men who stood to announce themselves as ministers, preachers, and reverends. When Ms. Cat, as we called her, stood to make her announcement, you could feel the energy shift within the church. There were whispers about the uncleanliness of women due to her monthly cycle and how she was not permitted by god to stand and give “the word” from the pulpit. There were several meeting announcements, more than usual and it caused quite a commotion in our community. After several meetings, deacon board meetings, members and congregation meetings, pastors meetings etc, it was decided that she would be permitted to join the ranks of a position long held only by men in our church. I was one of my very first memories of being a woman.

Those smelly, yucky vaginas

This is what mainstream, religious culture teaches us. Women are unclean; women are the cause of sin; women are the link between man and sin; women are unclean because of their vaginas; women are unclean because they bleed from their vaginas; women are unclean because they’re sex organs are tucked on the inside and cannot be properly cleaned; you can tell that a woman is unclean because of odor and discharge (even referring to natural odor and discharge) . It’s gross to touch a woman’s pussy because of odor and discharge. Women are more susceptible to infections. Women are more likely to contract and carry infections (STI, Yeast, or Bacterial). To which, regardless of how the infection was contracted, all leads back to uncleanliness.

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These are very much the messages that I have received from society as women. I’m sure other women can relate. And if you’re like me and these things have been culturally embedded particularly to the point where you’ve actually subscribed to them and believed in them (which I have not and do not) then there’s absolutely no way you have any desire to put your face, mouth, or tongue in or on someone’s pussy. There are women with vulvas who think it is absolutely gross and won’t allow it done to them. There are also men who find it gross and refuse to do it.

And this is the real reason he won’t eat your pussy. Culturally embedded beliefs about feminine hygiene which includes the sell of sprays, washes, douche, and other products that fund a market that is expected to reach 42.7 Billion by 2022. All of these things contribute to callow ideas regarding vaginas and vulvas.

Peer Pressure of eating Pussy

The first time my ex boyfriend played with my pussy, he held his hand away from his body as though he’s just dipped his hand in acid. And the first time he ate my pussy he spat in an empty soda bottle for several minutes afterwards and then went to rinse his mouth with Listerine. That was not my first stroll around the block by far and I found the entire interaction absolutely hilarious. He kept apologizing and explaining that is was no offense to me. I understood. I had been conditioned to believe the same thing he was feeling in that moment.

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Eating pussy seems popular. It seems like everyone is doing it or at the very least everyone with a partner who has a vulva should be doing it…right? Because of all of this scientific evidence about nerve endings and clitorises, how it brings a woman so much pleasure and helps us reach orgasms more easily which seems to be relatively absent from heterosexual intercourse without ever addressing the issue of why I never considered doing this in the first place. Yes, because they weren’t taught, but more importantly, why they weren’t taught to.

Eating pussy is a delightful and enjoyable experience and not just for the person receiving. What can I say, you are what you eat!

However, the reality is some folks don’t feel comfortable because of what we have been conditioned to believe; what we have been programmed to believe about women and the uncleanliness of our sex organs.

Girls Against Cunnilingus

Did you even know this was a thing? I’ll be honest. I didn’t until I heard it with my own ears. One woman disclosed that she enjoyed receiving oral sex, but it was not something she encouraged. She went on to say that she would allow a person to give her oral sex, but would not kiss them afterwards because she thinks it’s gross. Another woman disclosed that she does not allow her partner to perform oral sex on her for the same reason–she believes “it’s absolutely disgusting.” And I get it, I hear similar things all the time.

I mean if there is a woman who doesn’t want to touch herself to masturbate, then understanding that there is one who doesn’t want her partner to go down on here because she doesn’t want to kiss them afterwards is not too far fetched. Please understand that I’m not shaming anyone here. It’s perfectly fine to not enjoy oral sex for what ever reason. Everything is not for everyone.

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Enthusiasm vs Obligation

When I’m with a guy who does it, but does so reluctantly, the energy is so much different than the guy who does it enthusiastically. It’s like some guys feel peer pressured to eat pussy. Whether it’s because they just want their partner to enjoy it, peer pressure from society, or some other personal reason. Instead of it being from a place of desire, it comes from a place of obligation and I don’t like that word much at all especially when it involves anything sexual. In order for me to enjoy it, it definitely has to be something I love doing and I expressed as much in my Joys of Fellatio series last summer.

I enjoy receiving oral sex a lot. I like to watch. I love the way it feels, however I don’t need to receive it in order to reach orgasm. So in order for me to enjoy receiving, I require a partner that enjoys giving. I absolutely need enthusiastic consent in order to enjoy oral sex. Other than that, it is not necessary for an orgasm but it absolutely makes sex better ←No doubt about it. Which means I’d rather have it than not just to make myself real extra clear.

For many women, eating the pussy is necessary for both enjoyment and orgasm. And now that we know the real reason behind why he won’t eat your pussy, let us work on that part. Let’s get reacquainted with the vulva, the vagina, the female sex organs, the pussy. Let’s honor pussy. The vulva and vagina is a sacred space deserving veneration. Be dauntless in reclaiming the vagina narrative.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Make Her Cumm Without Using Your Tongue

What if more men thought of sex as something you give a woman rather than something you get from a woman? Oh, how different sex might be!

There is a movement among us, a powerful movement sweeping the sexual freedom community. This movement calls for more and better external clitoral stimulation so that women, all women, may enjoy the pleasure of experiencing mind-altering ORGASMS and a higher frequency of said ORGASMS. The movement seems to particularly focused on oral stimulation of the clitoris. Yep, that’s right. Cunnilingus.

As a woman with a clitoris, I love clitoral stimulation and I am all for oral clitoral stimulation. But of course, I still must listen to guys say, “I should not be obligated to eat pussy if I don’t want to.” Same thing we’ve been saying about sucking dick, but I digress. And while I do so reluctantly, I can empathize with this. No one should be obligated to perform any sex act that they don’t desire to perform. However, getting the lady you are with to achieve ORGASM is still your responsibility and moral obligation. Yes, you read that correctly…MORAL OBLIGATION.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- Press Her Button- Clitoral Stimulation

Porn makes it seem like fellatio is a necessity when it comes to sex. We know that isn’t true. At least not from a climaxing perspective, however stimulation of the clitoris is absolutely necessary for many (most) women in order to climax. Mostly, that requires external stimulation most reliably achieved through oral stimulation though not always guaranteed due to a lack of skill.

Why don’t some men like to eat pussy? I don’t know but I’m like 90% certain that it has something to do with their conditioning in regards to the cleanliness of the vulva and vagina as well as menstruation.  I mean, at least from the many conversations I’ve had with guys. Other’s have shared that they can’t get past the taste. There have been a few I’ve been fortunate to persuade otherwise,😏 while others stand firmly by their “I do not eat pussy,” mantra. I guess you can’t win ’em all. 🤷🏾‍♀️

You remember Mike, right? I told you about Mike in my When did you first recognized you needed consent? post. Remember how I told you that I still have the most amazing orgasms with him? #TrueStory In fact, if I’m totally honest he gives me the best ORGASMS I’ve ever had at this stage in my life. Now, I’ll let you in on another secret. Mike has never, in the five years that I’ve known him, perform cunnilingus on me. And as far as I’m concerned, he never has to. I know you’re probably thinking, Whaaaaat? And I’m thinking yaaaaaasss.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- flower opening

Why? How? Firstly, I do not require external stimulation to reach ORGASM. Also because there’s obviously more than one way to stimulate the clitoris. Duh.

I mean I hope we know this. If we don’t, given the primitive way we deal with sex present day, very little surprises me.

I enjoy multiple types of clitoral stimulation that I will be sharing with you in this post. Hopefully, my experience can translate into a positive, more pleasurable experience for you and your vulva toting partner. I share all the details of how Mike makes me cum without ever using his tongue.

Toys.

Toys are not ideal for everyone. I didn’t start out with toys. Toys were not a part of my sex life until later on. Eventually, bullets became my go-to if I couldn’t get the real thing. Or I just didn’t feel like being bothered with the real thing or if the urge hit me instantly and there was no real thing around. So I’ll say I enjoy toys. They get me where I need to be and these days I’m learning to love them even more. Thanks to the #30dayorgasmfun. However, when it comes to sex, I absolutely crave human touch and this, my love, is my greatest dilemma.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- purple vibrator bullet in a gift box

I have been advised not to think of sex toys in this way, but rather as enhancements to your sexual interaction. I must admit that toys are mostly a distraction if I’m not using them alone. Mostly…but then that might be because I’m not doing it right or that I’m using the wrong kind of toys 🤔

Even so, I got into toys because I knew a chic in college who absolutely freaking love them. She was constantly dragging me into novelty stores saying, “Hey, Victoria oh my god you have to try this.” In retrospect, she would have been really, really great at selling sex toys.

Women who love toys do exist and since becoming a sex blogger I’ve met so many and it’s awesome. They’ve certainly ignited a deeper curiosity within me. Not that I ever questioned this possibility; I’ve just had such a limited experience with toys personally.

These days I do enjoy my guy using a toy to stimulate me. It’s always a fun teaching experience that ends with a lot of pleasure because of the intimacy and the laughter. While toys are not my first choice, they are definitely an option for assisting your partner in reaching ORGASM. Good vibes has an excellent selection if you’re looking for a few options right now.

All hands, but mostly fingers, on deck

Do it with your hands. As much as I love masturbating, it is even better when someone else does it for you. There is so much intimacy present as you stare into the face of your lover or enjoy some deep kissing while you bring them pleasure with your fingers and they just erupt in your hand. Ahhhh!

 

First time deliberately making someone cum with your fingers? Here’s my advice based on what I enjoy. Stick to external stimulation only…no fingering. Make sure you wash your hands first and rinse the soap completely. Your call, but consider clipping your nails. Use plenty of lube…no such thing as too much. Go slow…in the words of a well-circulated Meme…Calm down, it’s not a DJ booth. Follow their guided instruction. I know that I can’t help placing my finger over top and guiding the movement and pressure of the stimulation. Sooooo good.

Pay attention to how they respond physically and vocally. I kinda get annoyed if I tap my person and they continue doing the same thing. Even if you don’t know what something means, ask. And if I’m not enjoying it, I get very quiet. Fingerplay is definitely the best. Kissing plus finger play when my person’s a pro….Yaaaaasss.

Way to use your head

Last but certainly not least, men have this amazing ability to do this wonderful external clitoral stimulating thing with… get this, now… the head of their penis. Whoa! Absolute Magic. I would go so far to say pure sorcery. I close my eyes and I can’t tell the difference between the head of his penis and cunnilingus, except his body is pressing on top of mine. That is the only reminder. Once again, lube is your best friend.

Doing this with a nipple in your mouth 🤤. It’s not for everyone, but it’s definitely for me and maybe it might work for you, too. But if you’re new to this, just start out with one at a time. Once you catch a rhythm, jump on in with the second one. It kind of reminds me of double dutch. You got to have some talent and coordination to accomplish these things.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- Tapping head meme

Now, this could present an issue for some because I know for me, I never used to do this type of stimulation because I just didn’t trust the guy I was with to see me through to ORGASM before he tries to put his dick inside my vagina. Thanks to the male privilege that values men’s pleasure over women’s pleasure, men tend to get ahead of themselves and think it’s perfectly acceptable to barge in without consent simply because they’re already so close. No, sir.

Those, my loves, are three ways that I enjoy external clitoral stimulation. No, cunnilingus required. Though highly recommended.

Bonus finger technique: I love this technique. It works super beautifully when I use it on myself and my partners. It’s a technique I discovered accidentally while masturbating one afternoon. With your finger, also works with your tongue or the head of your penis. You simply draw waning and waxing crescent moons over the clitoris over and over and over again.

Final thoughts on the whole, “I don’t eat pussy,” subject.

Just because you prefer not to eat the cookie, does not absolve you of seeing your partner through to a successful and complete ORGASM. They deserve it. #WomensOrgasmsMatter. Besides most vulva owners aren’t concerned about how we get it as long as we get it and the getting is good

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality- twitter poll

Oh and even if you do eat pussy, you can definitely use these to switch things up a bit. Like I said, I thoroughly enjoy all these different ways to climax. They each offer a different kind of experience. 😉

Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this moral obligation. Share your comments and related post links in the comment section below.

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Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Pay Attention to the Pussy

Actor Jordan Tyler for #WomensOrgasmsMatter

Guys….Pay Attention to the Pussy

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard from women that their partners just don’t give the pussy the proper attention. And no, I don’t mean with their dicks. I mean with their tongues. They tell me that they are always expected to suck his dick, but then he doesn’t always go down on them, or if he does, it’s weak.

So guys, here’s a bit of advice….treat that pussy like it’s your last meal. And go down on her first. I’ve actually stopped women from going down on me so I could go down on her first. Now if she’s the more aggressive type and insists on sucking your dick first, by all means let it happen. But take care of her after she’s done.

Show her that her needs, her orgasms, are just as important as yours. #WomensOrgasmsMatter

Women’s orgasms matter. And while I won’t say they matter more than our orgasms, let’s face it….as a guy, I’m going to cum during sex. It’s pretty much a given. 100% of guys will. But we all know women aren’t always that easy to get off. Sure some are, but not all are. So that means we need to do a little work.

And how many women are led to believe that they are to get the guy off first?? I blame society on that, and porn as well, as you see so much male centered porn where she either is faking it or doesn’t ever cum but he does. Well, let’s change that. I’d love to see more female centered porn as well, but that’s a different topic.

Put that woman first…

So when you are with your lady, put her needs first. Go down on her before she does you. Besides, a woman’s orgasm is a beautiful thing. The feeling when you are between her legs and her legs start to go over your shoulders….when they start to shake. When her hands run through your hair and then grab it. When her moans start and her breathing changes. When her hips start to lift up off the bed and her body shakes. It’s absolutely amazing.

If that’s not enough for you, here’s another thing. Virtually every time I’ve done this, she’s responded with so much more enthusiasm afterwards. She’s in the mood much more than if you hadn’t done her first. The blow jobs are better. The sex is better. You got her going and she’s more into it because of it.

So guys….take my advice. Eat more pussy. Eat her first. Make her cum first. Show her that her needs, her orgasms, are just as important as yours.

You’ll thank me for it later 🙂

About Jordan

Show her that her needs, her orgasms, are just as important as yours. #WomensOrgasmsMatter

Jordan Tyler is male adult model and actor (a nice way of saying he does porn), who has worked across multiple areas of the sex industry. He’s been in porn films, worked as an escort, and performed live shows both on webcam and in person. In addition to these areas, he’s now expanding into blogging, covering various topics from the porn industry to sex and sexuality.

You can connect with Jordan via the links below:

Twitter @jordantylerxxx
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Instagram @model_jordan_tyler

Join the #WomensOrgasmsMatter campaign. Submit your two cents at hellolovely@prettypinklotusbud.org or Contact us.

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9 Tips for Her Better Oral Pleasure

Did you know that many women cannot reach orgasm without clitoral stimulation? That being what it is, I am always surprised when I come across a guy who has never performed oral sex on a woman or who is really bad at it (even when he think he’s good). The disappointment is riveting.

Once when I was in college, I was a judge in a pie eating contest, and I’m not talking pies you bake in the oven. A couple of friends, a few of us girls knew, wanted to know who was better at eating yoni, and they asked us if we’d be the judge. I was down 100%.

red-current-pie-1321766-640x480All the girls undressed from our waist down, kinda like you do when you’re getting a pap but without the gowns. Then, we laid horizontally across the bed, legs spread, as we waited for the competition to begin. The guys each performed oral sex on two different girls for about three minutes (or until she came) but no one was really keeping time. When they were done, they’d switch to a different set of girls.

No one came. Just to get that out of the way.

Even so, there was clearly a winner. When the guys asked us who was the better muffin muncher, I was surprised that the girls eagerly revealed who did it best, but they were reluctant to tell them that they were both horrible. As the winner did his victory dance, in my mind, I could not just watch on as he celebrated a failed performance. That’s when I had to speak up and to let them know, neither of them were very good at eating pie. When I said that, all the other girls begin chiming in. Every girl agreed; they were way to rough and aggressive, and they also lacked rhythm.

How did the guys react? They wanted to know why. They wanted to know what they were or weren’t doing correctly. They also wanted to know how to do it better. The winner even asked me for private lessons *wink* *wink* to which I enthusiastically agreed because I already had a little crush on him anyway.

He and I ended up having numerous sessions that resulted in more than just oral instruction as one could imagine. Needless to say, we both learned a lot.

Now, I’d like to share a few things I’ve taught (and learned) about how to be HER
better pie EATER. As a bisexual woman, I have quality experience in this area. So take heed.

Let’s start with five common issues (that I’ve encountered) in giving great oral orgasms.

Ask her what she likes.

Every girl has the same parts however, every girl varies in what she likes and how she likes it. What worked for the last might not work for the next. When in doubt, ask. Even if you aren’t in doubt, ask. Don’t take it personally if you don’t know. It is ok as long as you express a willingness and desire to learn.

I’m never turned off by someone who doesn’t know how to do it for me. I am turned off by someone who doesn’t listen to the direction I give on how to make it better for me. Ego and selfishness have no place in the bedroom.

In reference to the advice given above, she may not know.

I don’t know anyone who’s gotten it perfectly right the first time. Not even me. And before someone got it right, I didn’t really know what right was. Don’t be surprised if a woman doesn’t know how she likes it because for every man who has never done it he must have been having sex with a woman he wasn’t doing it with. Same goes for the ones who aren’t good at it. Here’s your opportunity to teach her what she likes and learn something new in the process. My best advice for this process is to be patient. It’s worth it. The skills you’ll gain are priceless.

You’re doing it too hard.

The clitoris is the most sensitive sex organ on the female anatomy with about 8,000 nerve endings. It has been called the “powerhouse of pleasure”. The best advice I can give is to be gentle. When you do it too rough and too hard, it can be painful or uncomfortable, the sensitivity in the clitoris can decrease significantly and it can become numb for a while. Reaching orgasm is unlikely at this point.

Rhythm is not restricted to the dance floor.

The dance floor isn’t the only place you need to have rhythm. If she’s getting you to move around it doesn’t necessarily means she wants you to be all over the place (although she might) but more than likely it means you haven’t found the right spot. Because if you had, I guarantee she’d be saying “Right there, right there, right there”, instead of wiggling her hips to get you to the right place. Pay attention to her body language if things are a bit jerky and jumpy instead of rhythmic and smooth, you might not be doing so hot.

Killing me softly.

What? Yes! Sometimes when a girl pushes your face into her vulva, she’s trying to get you use a little more pressure. I call it the sloppy tongue. Sloppy tongue can mean sloppy technique. You don’t eat yoni with the same tongue you use to lick those rainbow colored, flat and round lollipops. Being licked like a lollipop might sound good, but you need a firm yet gentle tongue to do it best. Your goal is pinpoint accuracy, not maximum surface area as it would be with the lollipop.

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Good cunnilingus consists of two main things finding the right spot and using the right tongue, which varies according to the lady.

When I met my ex-boyfriend he had not yet made his sexual debut. I was the first woman he’d ever been with and he gave me a whole spiel about how he doesn’t eat pussy, he never will, and that I shouldn’t ask him to do it because he thought it was the most disgusting thing ever. Then he added that he wouldn’t ask me to do oral for him either.

At this point, I had only ever had clitoral orgasms, except for that one time I had a vaginal orgasm by accident (don’t worry, I’ve had many since then). Any who my point is, I ended up teaching him how to do clitoral stimulation without oral. I did an amazing job *toot* *toot*. I later learned, by comparison, that he was also a very good student.

Eventually, he changed his mind about performing oral. I knew he would. I just needed to let him come around on his own time; No pressure. Of course, he had no clue what he was doing and there was very little light to see. I kept saying, “Move up, too high, move over, no the other way.”

Annoyed, he got out of the bed, flicked on the light, and opened my labia. Looking into my vulva, he took his right index finger and asked, “Where? Here?” as he touched the area around my clitoris. It is by far the sexiest thing a man has done to me to this very day.

Here are five things I learned from that intimate experience with my ex.

Turn on the lights. Do I really need to say this? Yes, it’s 2017 and people are very much still having sex in the dark. Trust me, I get it but you need to have some light: mood lighting, spot lighting, some low lighting or something. Imagine walking through a dark house that you’ve never been in before. You’re gonna bump into a lot of stuff and it’s not going to be good. Lights are your friend.

The gynecologist will see you now. Role playing is so much fun and a great way to get to know a woman anatomically. How can you master that which you do not know? You can’t! Grab a diagram of the external female anatomy. Learn the names (because names give things identity) and locate the parts identified in the diagram on her actual vulva (because identity gives things significance). You can grab this vagina-gram I create which includes two fun games that you and your partner can play. Remember, women are important. #WomensOrgasmsMatter

Touch her. Inspect, analyze, admire, worship, and give thanks to the yoni. Whatever you do at the very least, look at her. I can’t count the number of times a person has just dove, head first, into my vulva. Do you even know what you’re diving into? You know that IS important, right?

Try everything. Don’t only rely on your tongue and don’t always stick to a licking motion. Use your lips. Use your fingers. Use toys. Suck and kiss her, gently. Tease her. Try not to dive in so quickly. Inner thigh, mons pubis, closed outer labia are a great place to start a good tease. So close yet not quite there. Seriously, try it all and if you want to use toys, food, or anything else that isn’t your fingers or mouth, get her consent.

Think, fast or slow, long or short strokes, horizontal, vertical, or circular motions, more or less pressure, stiff or relaxed tongue, with or without fingers, alternate between each. Textures, patterns, speed, and consistency all affect the feel. Create a vibration by moaning into her yoni as you kiss and lick.

I cannot overstate how necessary it is to have an entire Q & A when it comes to oral sex. Ask her where. Ask her to show you where. Ask her to put your finger there. Ladies, if you feel comfortable, gently, let him know how he can do it better.

Sometimes achieving great oral sex isn’t as easy as show and tell. Working with someone who might be selfish, egoistic, isn’t a good listener, or is really bad at taking directions can be quite frustrating and bad for oral business.

In the past, when I’ve encountered these issues, depending on how invested I am in the relationship, I’ve expressed to my partner how important this is for me and why. Usually, after such a conversation things do change and they may revert back to the old ways for whatever reason. I hope all these things are as helpful to you on your journey to a better oral sex life as they have been to mine.

If you enjoyed reading this or you know someone who could benefit from reading it, please share this post.

Comment below or email me and let me know if any of these work for you. And finally, ladies, let me know how you like it when it comes to oral sex. We’ve been silenced for too long. We’re long overdue for speaking more openly about better oral sex.

#bettersexbetterworld
#womensorgasmsmatter

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