In 2020, fuck toxic positivity. Nah, fuck allat right NOW!
These days navigating relationships is like cyanide laced oatmeal, “Be thankful you have food to eat even though it will eventually kill you.”
Today, I’m not talking about romantic relationships. I’m talking about kinfolks, family, and relatives. As these are the very first relationships we form long before romantic ones, it’s important to address these situations in a way that will lead to positive future outcomes in other relationships including romantic.
It all comes down to how we treat people. Our principles, our values, the way we determine how people deserve to be treated.
I’d like to think I’m a good person. I’m good to people. I don’t intentionally seek to inflict harm and if I do I’m willing to talk about a resolution that isn’t against me. With that being said, folks don’t always agree with me and how I do life (of no consequence to them) and that’s ok with me in which case I’m just gonna move around. No one knows me to be a back and forth person. I just plain ol’ don’t like to argue.
It goes against my spiritual flow. If I need to argue about it, then I don’t need it. If you feel like you need to be judgemental or condescending to get your point across then we can’t talk.
This piece is entitled Step Trauma and I believe it is quite appropriate.
Let’s get to the main course of this post and I’ll backtrack from there if need be. My sister with whom I share a father, recently sent me a really nasty, condescending and entitled text message. I didn’t respond and I blocked her on all social accounts.
She was upset that I ate her food, which can be quite annoying. But that text displayed something deeper than annoyance. It displayed resentment and hate. I forwarded it to five of my friends with no context just to make sure I wasn’t tripping and they all responded with a “Wow” reaction.
My brother even said, “Sounds like someone has been talking about you behind your back.” That’s how much context was in that text. Waaaaay past food. My brother is an Aquarius so you know he came here with a highly intuitive sixth sense. The man is 5th dimensional, I promise.
Most of whom received the forwarded text told me that the message has literally nothing to do with food. That was just the trigger. I agreed and decided she could see her therapist about it once she got down to the real issue because I wasn’t about to touch that.
My whole life I have been treated like a step-child in my dad’s family. His wife, my stepmother, was always feeding him information to get me in trouble while she went out of her way to protect her own children. Once when she thought I was asleep, I overheard her telling my siblings, my father’s children, that I wasn’t their real sister. That I was only their half sister because we didn’t share a mother.
I am thankful for my maternal family, because we didn’t play that half sibling, stepchild shit. I grew up with cousins whom were not biologically related to us and never knew until I was a teenager. We just didn’t do that.
Even so, as an adult, I rekindled a relationship with my dad’s youngest daughter. We hung out and vacationed together. I assumed things were all good. Recently, I’d noticed she took up issue with my children coming around. My children would often request to see Grand Daddy, which is what they call my father. I didn’t have any problem with that, but she did and she had no problem expressing that.
It made me feel as though she felt like her child was more entitled to our dad than my kids and this is what I took up issue with. For the most part I just ignored her which I should have just addressed it. When my kids did come over, she’d treat them nasty to the point that when my kids did want to visit Grand Daddy, I’d often make up some excuse for why it wasn’t a good idea right now. My daughter didn’t even want to go in the room where my sister was to retrieve her phone charger because, “Auntie is going to yell at me for disturbing her.” It was fucking sad and disgusting.
But I have to know that everyone wasn’t raised by Dianne and they won’t be the amazing human person that my mother raised me to be.
My sister and I often spoke very candidly about my relationship with dad which sometimes she expressed she didn’t like and I told her that that was ok. I told her that I understand that she may not approve, yet she also needed to understand that our father and I have a vastly different relationship than she and our father has. I thought that at the very least, we had respect. I was unfortunately mistaking.
When I received that text message, all the worst memories of being in that family as a child came rushing back. Unresolved trauma was rearing its ugly head in the form of my sister. It was very telling.
It read of entitlement…I have a right to be here and you don’t. Although, I am very curious as to what has brought her to feel that way. It would be interesting to hear.
First, I was angry and hurt by that text for an endless number of reasons; many I may not even be able to articulate at this moment. Second, I was thinking who in the hell is she talking to like that. She got me fucked up. Oh, she really doesn’t know me and I think it’s best we keep it that way. 藍
You better ask yo daddy ’bout Dianne Ransburg and this apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. That I can guarantee.
I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to return hate with hate and like I said, it was so deep I really didn’t even know how to address it. She has deep, deep step trauma going on and until I finish this therapy degree, I’m afraid I don’t possess the expertise to help her in the way she so desperately needs it. However, I do possess the means and awareness to help myself.
If anyone were willing to sit down and talk about it with the intention of reaching a resolution, I’m ready. Other than that, they can all choke on their own karma and it doesn’t look very tasty from where I’m standing.
I have made many great memories with my sister and that is well with me. I love her all the same despite what has happened here. Even so, I will always, always choose me. Call it selfish. Seems appropriate.
I’m going through a whole grieving process right now as I remove people and things from my life. As necessary as it is, it’s still a painful process.