Some folks get addicted to NRE, new relationship energy. I’m more into ONRE, one night relationship energy.
New relationship energy (or NRE) refers to a state of mind experienced at the beginning of sexual and romantic relationships, typically involving heightened emotional and sexual feelings and excitement.
I was recently scrolling through my phone reliving all of my beautiful one night experiences, well almost all of them have been beautiful. Guys aren’t the only ones who like collecting trophies.
Some of them graduated to become more than one night. That’s mostly because they managed to maintain that one night energy and not very many one night relationships (ONR) can do this in my experience.
Casual sex isn’t for everyone or at least that’s how the saying goes. Given the context in which sex is framed within our society, it’s difficult to say for sure. There was once a time when I thought casual, one night sex wasn’t my thing either. Once I reframed my position on it… On sex period, my perspective followed.
Reframe- change the way something is expressed or considered
One night relationships went from “meh” to “gimme more”.
One Night Stand– Taboo
I realize the way one night relationships (also called one night stands) are framed within society. I’m sure you do, too. In fact, I viewed them in just the same way I had been conditioned to. And let us just say, it isn’t something you want to do and if you do, you should be ashamed of yourself… According to society [SHRUGS]. You met a guy and you fucked him within hours of meeting with the expectation that it may not happen again [FACE PALM] All the other details don’t matter.
Well, it’s the details that matter most! Ok. So you fucked a guy during the first moments of meeting him. What was the motivation behind the decision? Did you enjoy it? Which part did you enjoy most or find most interesting? Why? Was it as wonderful as you imagined it to be? If not, why not.
As I interact in such an intimate way with a variety of personalities, I’m constantly learning something new about me. I’m experiencing some unencountered aspect of mySelf. No, sex is not necessary for this to occur, but it is something I want…and since I’ve already decided on that experience, why not make the most of it. I feel like when we know that we are planning to take someone home on the first night of meeting them, we feel like we have to stick to just sex… But ONRs aren’t just about sex for me.
One night sex is an adventure for me. As a person who is clairsentient, I’m curious to discover what about that person has me attracted to them in such a way that I want to take them home. I know me. So I know that something physical might catch my attention, but it sure won’t hold it beyond a five minute conversation (Congratulations if it lasts that long).
I am a woman of substance. I tend to sense things in others that I cannot physically observe. I’m curious. I want to know what it is I am sensing; what has me so attracted and intrigued, a unique feeling that stirs my curiosity. So, I opt to take them home and discover why. And when I say attracted, I do mean sexually attracted. It’s important to understand that my attraction to someone is rarely ever just physical and I believe that’s true for most of us, regardless of sex or gender. We may not always be aware of this truth, though.
I don’t connect with every person I’m attracted to if that makes sense because it definitely may not appeal to logic. I think that’s important to know. Therefore, I know my desire for sex is driven not by attraction but rather by connection. Whenever I choose to partake in one night relationships, I take certain precautions… certain measures that will almost ensure that I will have the experience I’m seeking…even as I don’t know exactly what that may be.
If there is any internal conflict, I acknowledge it. I won’t make any moves until I’ve made up my mind about my choice. Once my mind has been made up, phase one begins.
Phase 1 Commence
Phase one, I trust my gut. I exhibit confidence in my choice to have a one night stand with whom I am choosing to have it with. Ask about me. I don’t fuck around. I know what I want and I choose it. No need to play head games with me. If only I had such steadfast decision making skills in my actual life [jajaja].
Through phase one, we come to an understanding that:
This is my choice. And as long as you acknowledge the understanding that I have that freedom at every step of this interaction, things will go very well for you.
From a societal perspective, one night relationships are viewed as a rapey male conquests. Guy chooses a pretty girl and “tricks” her into having sex with him in the same night because no woman of her own free will would choose to participate in such an act.
Referencing sex, that this is something we both want to happen at some point during the interaction so no rush.
Depending on how this part goes, because it doesn’t always or usually for that matter, we can proceed to phase two. I’m not sure if this meme was created for me, but it is absolutely true. Especially in a one night scenario.
Phase two, my place, yours, or neither? This depends on many factors, but usually, USUALLY, the answer is mine without hesitation. Why mine?
My bedroom is a sexual sanctuary. No need to create the mood, my bedroom is the mood. If you had any thoughts about this being a sexual conquest on your part, you definitely know better once you’ve entered my bedroom. One guy I had a ONR with surprisingly exclaimed, “What kind of sex magic is this?” Looking around at the dildos, vibrators, and crystals lying around, mirrors on every wall, an altar on my dresser, and the images and purple fairy lights hanging above my headboard.
I laughed and innocently responded, “Whaaaaat?”
At my place you are free to stay and relax, fall asleep, wake up, or stay until morning, and at any time you are just as free to leave. I enjoy the comfort of having that choice and I figure others would as well, because that’s not always a choice that is given. Another reason why my place is the optimal choice. Whether you choose to stay or not, keeping you is not the goal.
Phase three: Once everything is in place, it’s time to get comfortable. Mood, personality, and interest dictates the next activity. I might tell them about the connection I sense and ask to do a reading (tarot) for them. We might pig out over Hub Grub sharing stories about our families (because family is the best thing in life). We might even map out our birth charts. The natural flow of conversation inevitably leads me to what I was searching for… That connection that is attracting me.
ONRs have such unlimited potential. For me it’s like the Willy Wonka factory of sex. It’s certainly what you make it. It’s one of those, ‘what would you do with this person if you knew you only had twenty four hours to live and couldn’t leave your bedroom’ kind of scenario. I just made that up, but that is something like how it feels. Psst. The answer is usually different for each ONR.
Through ONRs I’ve had the pleasure of partaking in some pleasurable, interesting, mind bending, and magical experiences. I’ve shared many, many first time experiences for myself and my ONR partner: multi-orgasmic experiences, side by side masturbation experiences, sexual fantasies, millennial foreplay, and even channeling experiences.
the Willy Wonka factory of sex
My one night only chance of a lifetime anything can happen let’s make it count inspirational speech opens everything up and puts things right in the magic. After that, you might never hear from me again.
The level of connection you can share with a person you’ve just met is amazing. In true to life Cinderella fashion, time and judgement has a way of corrupting the magic. Even that cannot take away my adoration for ONRE.
So why ONRE? For me, I don’t want to know where the relationship might go beyond one night. Even in the event that it does go on for more than that, I consistently keep things on a casual one night at a time basis (or else it is no longer ONRE). Once it loses the appeal of being ONRE, it is transformed into something more corruptible known as attachment.
I enjoy these kinds of relationships for what they are and not what they have the potential to be. You know, living in the moment and enjoying every moment.
Not everyone will understand this perspective of a one night stand. That’s ok, too.