What if more men thought of sex as something you give a woman rather than something you get from a woman? Oh, how different sex might be!
There is a movement among us, a powerful movement sweeping the sexual freedom community. This movement calls for more and better external clitoral stimulation so that women, all women, may enjoy the pleasure of experiencing mind-altering ORGASMS and a higher frequency of said ORGASMS. The movement seems to particularly focused on oral stimulation of the clitoris. Yep, that’s right. Cunnilingus.
As a woman with a clitoris, I love clitoral stimulation and I am all for oral clitoral stimulation. But of course, I still must listen to guys say, “I should not be obligated to eat pussy if I don’t want to.” Same thing we’ve been saying about sucking dick, but I digress. And while I do so reluctantly, I can empathize with this. No one should be obligated to perform any sex act that they don’t desire to perform. However, getting the lady you are with to achieve ORGASM is still your responsibility and moral obligation. Yes, you read that correctly…MORAL OBLIGATION.
Porn makes it seem like fellatio is a necessity when it comes to sex. We know that isn’t true. At least not from a climaxing perspective, however stimulation of the clitoris is absolutely necessary for many (most) women in order to climax. Mostly, that requires external stimulation most reliably achieved through oral stimulation though not always guaranteed due to a lack of skill.
Why don’t some men like to eat pussy? I don’t know but I’m like 90% certain that it has something to do with their conditioning in regards to the cleanliness of the vulva and vagina as well as menstruation. I mean, at least from the many conversations I’ve had with guys. Other’s have shared that they can’t get past the taste. There have been a few I’ve been fortunate to persuade otherwise,😏 while others stand firmly by their “I do not eat pussy,” mantra. I guess you can’t win ’em all. 🤷🏾♀️
You remember Mike, right? I told you about Mike in my When did you first recognized you needed consent? post. Remember how I told you that I still have the most amazing orgasms with him? #TrueStory In fact, if I’m totally honest he gives me the best ORGASMS I’ve ever had at this stage in my life. Now, I’ll let you in on another secret. Mike has never, in the five years that I’ve known him, perform cunnilingus on me. And as far as I’m concerned, he never has to. I know you’re probably thinking, Whaaaaat? And I’m thinking yaaaaaasss.
Why? How? Firstly, I do not require external stimulation to reach ORGASM. Also because there’s obviously more than one way to stimulate the clitoris. Duh.
I mean I hope we know this. If we don’t, given the primitive way we deal with sex present day, very little surprises me.
I enjoy multiple types of clitoral stimulation that I will be sharing with you in this post. Hopefully, my experience can translate into a positive, more pleasurable experience for you and your vulva toting partner. I share all the details of how Mike makes me cum without ever using his tongue.
Toys are not ideal for everyone. I didn’t start out with toys. Toys were not a part of my sex life until later on. Eventually, bullets became my go-to if I couldn’t get the real thing. Or I just didn’t feel like being bothered with the real thing or if the urge hit me instantly and there was no real thing around. So I’ll say I enjoy toys. They get me where I need to be and these days I’m learning to love them even more. Thanks to the #30dayorgasmfun. However, when it comes to sex, I absolutely crave human touch and this, my love, is my greatest dilemma.
I have been advised not to think of sex toys in this way, but rather as enhancements to your sexual interaction. I must admit that toys are mostly a distraction if I’m not using them alone. Mostly…but then that might be because I’m not doing it right or that I’m using the wrong kind of toys 🤔
Even so, I got into toys because I knew a chic in college who absolutely freaking love them. She was constantly dragging me into novelty stores saying, “Hey, Victoria oh my god you have to try this.” In retrospect, she would have been really, really great at selling sex toys.
Women who love toys do exist and since becoming a sex blogger I’ve met so many and it’s awesome. They’ve certainly ignited a deeper curiosity within me. Not that I ever questioned this possibility; I’ve just had such a limited experience with toys personally.
These days I do enjoy my guy using a toy to stimulate me. It’s always a fun teaching experience that ends with a lot of pleasure because of the intimacy and the laughter. While toys are not my first choice, they are definitely an option for assisting your partner in reaching ORGASM. Good vibes has an excellent selection if you’re looking for a few options right now.
All hands, but mostly fingers, on deck
Do it with your hands. As much as I love masturbating, it is even better when someone else does it for you. There is so much intimacy present as you stare into the face of your lover or enjoy some deep kissing while you bring them pleasure with your fingers and they just erupt in your hand. Ahhhh!
First time deliberately making someone cum with your fingers? Here’s my advice based on what I enjoy. Stick to external stimulation only…no fingering. Make sure you wash your hands first and rinse the soap completely. Your call, but consider clipping your nails. Use plenty of lube…no such thing as too much. Go slow…in the words of a well-circulated Meme…Calm down, it’s not a DJ booth. Follow their guided instruction. I know that I can’t help placing my finger over top and guiding the movement and pressure of the stimulation. Sooooo good.
Pay attention to how they respond physically and vocally. I kinda get annoyed if I tap my person and they continue doing the same thing. Even if you don’t know what something means, ask. And if I’m not enjoying it, I get very quiet. Fingerplay is definitely the best. Kissing plus finger play when my person’s a pro….Yaaaaasss.
Way to use your head
Last but certainly not least, men have this amazing ability to do this wonderful external clitoral stimulating thing with… get this, now… the head of their penis. Whoa! Absolute Magic. I would go so far to say pure sorcery. I close my eyes and I can’t tell the difference between the head of his penis and cunnilingus, except his body is pressing on top of mine. That is the only reminder. Once again, lube is your best friend.
Doing this with a nipple in your mouth 🤤. It’s not for everyone, but it’s definitely for me and maybe it might work for you, too. But if you’re new to this, just start out with one at a time. Once you catch a rhythm, jump on in with the second one. It kind of reminds me of double dutch. You got to have some talent and coordination to accomplish these things.
Now, this could present an issue for some because I know for me, I never used to do this type of stimulation because I just didn’t trust the guy I was with to see me through to ORGASM before he tries to put his dick inside my vagina. Thanks to the male privilege that values men’s pleasure over women’s pleasure, men tend to get ahead of themselves and think it’s perfectly acceptable to barge in without consent simply because they’re already so close. No, sir.
Those, my loves, are three ways that I enjoy external clitoral stimulation. No, cunnilingus required. Though highly recommended.
Bonus finger technique: I love this technique. It works super beautifully when I use it on myself and my partners. It’s a technique I discovered accidentally while masturbating one afternoon. With your finger, also works with your tongue or the head of your penis. You simply draw waning and waxing crescent moons over the clitoris over and over and over again.
Final thoughts on the whole, “I don’t eat pussy,” subject.
Just because you prefer not to eat the cookie, does not absolve you of seeing your partner through to a successful and complete ORGASM. They deserve it. #WomensOrgasmsMatter. Besides most vulva owners aren’t concerned about how we get it as long as we get it and the getting is good
Oh and even if you do eat pussy, you can definitely use these to switch things up a bit. Like I said, I thoroughly enjoy all these different ways to climax. They each offer a different kind of experience. 😉
Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this moral obligation. Share your comments and related post links in the comment section below.
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