A word of advice to everyone reading this. Never have unprotected sex with your ex while tripping on mushrooms after returning from an epic two months vacation on a Caribbean island.
Hey y’all. How y’all doing? Welcome to my newest subscribers. I know it’s been awhile and I appreciate y’all for hanging in there. I’ve been in a bit of a slump recently and let me tell you why.
As you may or may not know I split from my long-term boyfriend back in January of this year. I spent some time at home with my maternal family and then took a two and a half months vacation to Jamaica.
I’d been meaning to post on my YouTube channel about my vacation, but lots of things have been preventing me from doing that. Including a few technical difficulties like the bottom portion of my phone going black after I dropped it turning the editing process into a total bitch. I have yet to purchase a new one. And also my lifetime video editing software expiring after 2 years of use. I guess 2 years is somebody’s lifetime.
Not to mention the many, many days I’ve spent wallowing in apathy and sadness. Yes, I have been depressed for very valid reasons. I wasn’t even trying to fight it. I just allowed myself to feel my feels and chanted to myself “this too shall pass.”
You see after returning to the states in April, I went to Florida to get my kids from their grandparents and while I was there, I decided to stay with my ex. Maybe that wasn’t the best idea in retrospect, but honestly it’s too soon to tell.
I returned to the states on April 14th and on April 22, I conceived a baby girl that is now 34 weeks in gestation. If you’d like to know how this happened, please refer to the intro of this post.
Other than that, pregnancy was far from my mind. I’m the mother of two 13 and 9. I wanted more children, but I had honestly about given up on the idea of it happening for me. My former partner and I had been trying for a year and a half… nothing happened. It’s been almost a decade since I gave birth to my last child so I just figured nothing would happen. I accepted that and started making other plans.
Those plans were to get my kids and return to Jamaica for another six months. I had set everything up, the place we were going to stay, our monthly budget, and all other accommodations I needed to account for. Then on May 4th, I cried and cried as I stared down at two positive pregnancy tests. Tears of sadness and tears of joy. It was a mixed bag for sure. While I was sadly mourning my plans of leaving the country for a new life, I was also excited to be expecting… I’m getting a new life either way. And although I had given up on this life, it was obvious that something somewhere had not given up on this life for me. Still, it was completely unexpected and I had no control over anything I was feeling…the happy or the sad. They were all valid.
Divinely speaking, I know this was supposed to happen just as it did. Cause what about plan b…it wouldn’t have worked because I was already ovulating when I conceived. I was with my ex for exactly three days. That ain’t nobody’s coincidence and can’t a soul convince me.
Now, I’m here preparing as much as possible for the life changes that I’m about to incur. I’m so not ready. Ready or not, my little one will be here soon.