Psst. This post has a part two so make sure you subscribe for that.
“Did anybody see ya coming to my house last night? when I got your message in my beeper that you wanna do everything I like. Alright, alright. Like being in the same room with you and your girlfriend the fact that she don’t know it really turns me on. She’ll never guess in a million years that we’ve got this thing going on.”
- My Little Secret
- Traces of My Lipstick 1998
That was my jam and I was living every minute of it.
I’ve made some unsavory decisions in my life, however choosing to be a side chick, a side piece, the other woman, whichever you prefer, just isn’t one of them. Let the record show that being on the side is not a thing I’m proud of nor is it something I am ashamed of either. This is a NO SHAME zone over here. There’s so much to say about that, but I won’t; not in this post, not today.
Lizzo says she will never ever ever be your side piece. Oh, but I will.
Ok. Ok. In all seriousness though, I’ve never had the headache of being the other woman the way I do with being the leading lady. Personally, I really feel like I was built for this.
This is for me
Here’s why… Firstly, I’m a loner. I have a low tolerance for people in general and I’ve learned that lovers don’t change that for me. Yes, there have been exceptions… exactly two in my entire life so far. I’m despicable… I know. But hear me out.
Secondly, I’m not trying to slide in. This is a temporary arrangement on purpose. I’m rooting for you and your partner to make it and hopefully you guys can live happily ever after long past us. That’s real! The plan is that we are never going beyond this point. Clearly we’re both dysfuncional and that won’t work for me long term.
Ain’t no home wrecking over here. At least that’s not the intention. And if the home does so happen to fall apart, please understand that it was likely headed that way anyway. No need to look this way though, because you won’t find them over here. Nah Suh. We each have something deeper to heal before any such thing could take place. Something that I find even in my leading lady relationships *SIGH*
Thirdly, relationships are a lot of work when they don’t have to be. So yeah, I’d rather not for the most part. I don’t want to compromise. I just want all the ups because there are no downs in side chicking for me. I do understand that that may not always be true as I am constantly evolving in my relationship needs. If ever it isn’t, I know how to move the fuck around. I’m good at that.
Finally, I don’t go targeting folks in seemingly happy homes. I don’t go targeting folks period. I also don’t believe in coincidences. So if for some reason the Universe has brought an attached lover to my doorstep then I am a bit intrigued. And if there is a connection, I’m inclined to take things wherever we agree to take them.
I am not the morality police. It is not my job to keep an attached lover honest or faithful, to me or anyone else. Now, whether you feel like this is a right, good, or positive karmic thing to do has everything to do with your morals and values and not mine. While I would like circumstances to be more ideal, that’s rarely the case and it’s seldom a factor in my choices. Perhaps the cause of that is deeper than this post can capture. Who knows? This is not the blog of a person who has it all figured out.
We don’t all want the same things
Some folks will likely read this and say that I’m a fool and I’m being used. And that’s probably because you’ve lumped me, and that’s ok, too.
It’s important to know that all persons who choose to be the other person are not created equally. Plain and simple, we don’t want the same things. Yet, I feel like we’re often lumped into the same category. Child, spend them holidays and that money with your family. I don’t want the benefits, credit cards, or the house keys. I am content in what I posses.
I like happy and if another person’s significant other can become happy by bringing me some happy and thus return home to give their lover some happy, we all can win. Unpopular opinion, I know, but doesn’t it just make sense. I just wish we could be more open about it and possibly all be friends. Oh, but toxic monogamy has your relationship by the balls and that is so unfortunate.
I’m sure there are lots of questions and plenty of concerns. Please direct them to the comments and I will gladly respond. All I ask is that we keep it respectful.
You’re probably wondering about these folks I’m creeping with; like what type of person is this…trifling, no good, low down… Nope, they’re good people or else I wouldn’t be bothered with them. They don’t treat me disrespectfully nor do they speak disrespectfully against their significant others. We don’t do the empty promises. And it’s deeper than just sex regardless of what you might tell yourself.
They’re out here trying to figure out life and relationships their own way same as the rest of us. It just doesn’t look the way we’ve been trained to believe it should. I can tell you that sometimes it turns out all messed up. Other times it turns out quite well and I love to see when this happens.
Compersion is my personal high.
Best of all, no one has to know that I had anything to do with it. I’ve honestly learned a lot about relationships in this role. I definitely find this to be a rewarding part of being the other woman. I don’t know about you, but I’m not here to not make mistakes, get it right every time, and live by someone else’s moral code that is of no benefit to me.
Yeah, I’ve been married and yeah my ex-cheated. Guess who wasn’t mad? I told him to go find his happiness even if it isn’t with me. I meant that with my whole heart. Then he got mad at me for wishing him well. You can catch up on that in the article I wrote for XOnecole.
I’d like to think I’m built a little differently than how I had been trained. Good or bad that’s up for debate. But hey, it works for me and I’m still figuring me out.
As unruly as I might seem in this act, I have certain limits and boundaries for myself. I mostly just enjoy the freedom of you not being able to come here and tell me a damn thing when you ‘pose to be over there and for the most part they don’t. Cause too many fools try to Rapunzel me and I ain’t having it.
Let me be clear that I was not inspired to write this post to justify, excuse, or glorify being the other woman; only to say it happens and this is how it goes sometimes. I won’t do this forever. I know I won’t. I just haven’t found the ideal relationship that works for me. Folks just got too many rules and regulations says the relationship anarchist. Yep, that’s me.
“It’s morning and now it’s time for us to say goodbye; goodbye baby.”
- As We Lay
- Shirley Murdock