Words Unspoken

Welcome to Day Two of The Joys of Fellatio blog series: Words Unspoken. Yesterday, I told you all about my special playmate in, I Love Giving Head, who allowed me to satiate my curiosity and interest in the male anatomy, and I previewed a bit about what we would talk about today. Here goes everything.

Words Unspoken

When I initially got the idea for this series, I wrote out the topic, I love giving head, and as I read those words, I realized I’d never spoken them out loud before- knowing they are 100 percent true; knowing they have been true since my very first opportunity to give oral pleasure to a man.

It’s not for everyone. Yet when you say these words out loud to others, this is precisely the assumption. It is automatically assumed that because you love giving head, you’d love to do it for anyone who asks, and you’d do it for everyone who asks essentially, when this could not possibly be farther from my truth.

Terms and Conditions Apply

Guys who haven’t got a chance in hell (mostly because it doesn’t exist) suddenly believe they do. The context and the conditions must be ideal for me. After all, I give head for my own personal joy, and as much as the guy might be enjoying it, I give fellatio primarily for my pleasure based on my desire to give and not anyone’s desire to receive. Yes, selfish, I know

As much as I love it, giving head is very special to me.

Consider something you love, no matter what it is because we tend to believe sex is different when really it’s not. We’ve been duped into believing it can somehow become lesser through our actions which is a total myth. It is just as sacred and as coveted as anything else we love or care for deeply, no matter how one might present it; prude, slut, or anything in between.

Any way, whatever it is that you love, you might also love to share it with others. Perhaps having the opportunity to share what you love expounds upon that love which makes it even more enjoyable. You love camping; You don’t camp all the time; you don’t camp just anywhere; you only enjoy camping with others who enjoy camping for the same reasons you do.

Well, I don’t share my love of giving head with everyone in that very same way. I believe this assumption has much to do with misogyny being ingrained. Something we desperately need to overcome as Isabelle talks about in Can We Overcome Misogyny.

You can learn a lot more about misogyny and how to spot it from Ani at The Story of A.

An Act of Endearment

On a large scale, sex and this includes oral sex has become hugely objectified; reduced to a simple act of physical pleasure and nothing more. I choose not to share something I enjoy endearingly on such a shallow premise.

During sex, I’ve had a guy ask me whether I enjoy giving head in which case I simply answer yes or no. Yet, I’d never before even uttered the sentence, I love giving head. I prefer to answer under individual circumstances. If I’ve learned nothing from reading Emily Nagoski’s Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, it’s that context is everything when it comes to sexual preferences; the things that make you go and things that make you stop.

That way, it is never assumed that sucking your dick is automatic. FRIES remember FRIES. Just because I love giving head does not necessarily mean I love giving you head or that I even want to or that just cause I’m in the mood for intercourse, means I’m also in the mood to give (or receive oral sex) because sometimes, that is just not the case. Just because one loves to do a thing does not mean they want to do it at every opportunity placed before them. That is also a myth. You know what they say about too much of a good thing.

Thank you all for tuning in to today’s post in The Joys of Fellatio blog series. Tomorrow’s post is all about Learning the Ropes in which I talk about the very first time I performed oral sex on a guy and the things I learned from that experience. Please remember to subscribe.

This post contains an affiliate link to the book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. Thanks for reading!

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I Love Giving Head

Welcome to The Joys of Fellatio blog series Day One: I Love Giving Head. Yesterday, I posted a brief Introduction which includes an index of sorts on what would be covered over the next few day of this delicious blog series that I had so much fun writing and I hope you will enjoy reading it just as much.

I Love Giving Head

I love giving head. Let me rewind a bit… I love penis. And I don’t only mean in a manner of sexual pleasure. I love the way it looks circumcised or uncircumcised. I love the shape of it; the way it feels; the way it changes shape growing in my hand as I stroke it slowly. I like the way it comes in various shapes and sizes; the way my hand fits more around some than it does around others, or how some require two hands to cover from base to tip; others one and a half and others only one. Not only their design, I love their purpose and the way the purpose and design have the ability to combine so eloquently to induce succulent two-way pleasure, resulting in a symphony of orgasm.

Nevermind that after such a session of admiration, said penis almost always inevitably ends up in my mouth. However, that is usually not my goal. Even so, this adds to my joy as I compare the feel of the penis cupped in my hand (or gripped inside my vagina) to the way it feels as it slides slowly between my lips and across my tongue to graze the back of my throat.

Will You Play with Me?

When I was a young teen I knew a boy. He’d let me play with his penis. We didn’t particularly have any romantic involvement per se. We were friends. He lived nearby. It was a match of convenience more than anything. Of course, there are no coincidences in life.

I loved playing with his penis and he willingly allowed me to satiate my curiosity requiring nothing from me. I recall that he thought I was the weirdest girl, but he’d let me do it anyway with no expectation of sex.

I’d touch and stroke his penis sometimes so focused on every little detail of it, and other times I’d just daydream without intention. I’d stroke him until semen erupted from his shaft out of the head of his penis and flow slowly down the back of my hand. I’d watch in pure fascination, as his penis returned to its original flaccid state. In many ways, it was more of an enlightening experience of intimacy than a sexual one.

I later learned it is called a hand job.

He’d ask me if it bothered me to have “cum” on my hand. I’d tell him not at all then I’d ask him, why.  He’d told me some girls would respond with “Ewww, what’s that” or some other kind of yuck reaction.

We did eventually make our sexual debut together. I asked him, mostly from a place of comfort and curiosity. As I mentioned before, we weren’t romantically involved. The first time we ever kissed was the day we met up for our planned sexual debut. I remember thinking, I didn’t realize he was so much taller than me. I’m sure I’ll get around to telling you all about it in another post.

The Flip Side of the Coin

Even when one loves giving head, there is so much in this world of patriarchy and misogyny designed to take that away, leaving one to feel dirty and subpar. Things like slut-shaming and public degradation; too often I’ve seen guys expose a girl in an attempt to devalue her for doing something she enjoys. Then there are the most heinous stories of the unwarranted act of being forced to perform fellatio which could possibly strip one of all joy and satisfaction they may have gotten from it before. It’s time to end that and as Nell puts it, turn the walk of shame into the stride of pride.

Fortunately, this is not a part of my story.

Tomorrow’s post, Words Unspoken, will talk more about the thing of patriarchy and such that makes one reluctant to announce to others that he or she loves to give head. It’s the same reason that body count is such an issue when it shouldn’t be as Teena explains in her article, How Many Sexual Partners Have You Had. You definitely do not want to miss it. My best advice; subscribe, subscribe.

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The Joys of Fellatio Blog Series

Do you love giving blow jobs? I certainly do, and over the next seven days (including this one) I would like to take you all on a journey through the conception, birth, growth and development of my pleasures in giving head in this Joys of Fellatio blog series.

As with other things I publish here on my blog, my goal is that those reading will learn something new and insightful from my personal experience with oral sex and quite possibly awaken some new desire within themselves.

We’ll, soon dive deep into the wonders and pitfalls of genuinely enjoying fellatio but first, this brief introduction:

What is fellatio?

Here’s a definition for fellatio I found on sex-lexis.com which includes a fun fact as well:

stimulation of the penis with the lips , tongue and mouth by a male or female partner for sexual pleasure or for orgasmand ejaculation . A distinction, now obsolete, was once made in Latin and old English between fellatio and irrumatio depending on who was actively moving: irrumatio meant to thrust the penis into the partner’s mouth , fellatio meant to move the head and mouth up-and-down around the penis . This distinction has vanished in modern English and the word irrumation has almost completely fallen out of use.

To get better aquainted with fellatio and oral sex in general, check out this brief video by Life Sexual.

“Men love receiving oral sex because they are able to just lie back and enjoy without any performance anxiety. They can watch, too, and since they are the stars of the show, it’s a better turn-on than any porno flick. Women get their own sense of pleasure from fellatio. “I feel powerful when I give a blow joy,” one of my colleagues told me. “At no other time do I feel such complete control of my partner’s pleasure.” She shares the sentiments of many other women who like the feeling of power they get from having his most prized possession between their lips. Some women find it very arousing to watch their partners enjoy their oral mastery.”

What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex by Hilda Hutcherson, M.D.

The Joys of Fellatio blog series on Pretty Pink Lotus Bud;

What’s in it for me?

When it comes to sex in general, I am a giver but not right off the bat. Very little dejects me more than a selfish lover; one who does not realize the maximum potential of their own pleasure is directly linked to mine. Essentially, the more you give to me the better it turns out for you.

Other than that, it is just as the quote mentions above, I derive great power from being in complete control of my partner’s pleasure. I love praise kink. I want to hear my lover moan and tell me what a good job I’m going. This point is made even clearer from the male perspective as Modern Mandingo recounts his own joys of receiving amazing fellatio.
Fun Fact about me: I like it slow. I like it sensual. I like it sloppy, but no, I do not swallow.

In the upcoming days here’s a summary of the things we will cover in this blog series: The Joys of Fellatio.

Day One: I Love Giving Head is a brief history of my acquaintance with the penis and how my love for it was born. Which may be surprising for some, because there are certain things that black women just don’t do, Six according to Kiarra at Blackgirlsvibe, and giving head is one of them.

Day Two: In Words Unspoken, I talk about how difficult it is to have a conversation with a mouth full of penis. I’m only joking. Actually it talks about the reason why I had never before said the words, “I Love Giving Head,” out loud.

Day Three: Learning the Ropes is about the first time I ever performed fellatio and how I learned to do what I enjoy and enjoy what I do.

Day Four: The Anatomy of Passion talks about how my desires to give fellatio evolved into an obsession of sorts and then into a passion which eventually resulted in uninhibited joy once I allowed myself to openly explore it.

Day Five: On the last day of the blog series, I will offer Seven Ways to Discover The Joys of Fellatio. Bare in mind that all women are different, but if you know your lady then you know whether any of these suggestions might work for you. It might even teach you that you have a lot more to learn about her.

Finally, I will end the series with a smooth Conclusion: The Joys of Fellatio that will be greatly influenced by the feedback I receive throughout the series along the way. So be sure to leave comments and share the posts with your tribe because I definitely would like to know your thoughts.

Enjoy!

This post contains an affiliate link to the book,What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex through which I will receive a small commission if purchased. So I’d like to thank those who do.

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Book Review: Come As You Are Pt II

I actually finished the second part of this book, Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D, several weeks ago and I started reading the books several months ago, yet I am still not finished. Between the school year coming to a close, being a single parent, a recent visit all the way from South Florida, and the way things have picked up with the blog, I have lost all track of trackable time.

On top of that, I couldn’t quite figure out whether I wanted to present the second review the same way that I presented the first one. This book really causes you to analyze how many of the things mentioned in it resonate within you own life. If you missed the first review, you can catch up on it here.

For a sex blogger, it very easily becomes the book that launched a thousand post as you recall your sexual experiences and proclaim you sexual freedom to openly talk about and express those experiences.

Part 2: Sex in Context

There is a part where the author explains that ten to twenty percent of people have an increased interest in sex when stressed but even so, stress tends to reduce sexual pleasure in everyone. For me, it depends on the type of stress it is. Everyday, work and responsibilities type stress produce less pleasurable sexual experiences than growth type stress. I don’t have the money to pay my car note stress is very different from I just got out of a janky marriage stress. The sex following the latter is much more amazing.

Chapter 4: Emotional Context: Sex in a monkey Brain

In chapter four, there was a disclaimer of sorts that you could possibly skip it if it wasn’t applicable to your specific circumstances. I read it but I didn’t pay much attention to it. Sorry.This chapter includes information on the hows and whys of completing stress cycles; it also talks about love and attachment as well as some aspects of sexual trauma and depression.

It is certainly a valuable chapter to read should any of the things I mentioned above apply to your own experience. Dr. Nagoski recommends several titles to further assist individuals who have gone through such events. Take Back Your Sex also has a really great article about sexual context as it pertains to consent.

Remind yourself that the day you were born, your body was a cause for celebration, for love without condition, and that’s just as true today as it was then. -Emily Nagoski

Chapter 5: Cultural Context: A sex-positive life in a sex-negative world

Chapter five is a favorite because it’s something we can all relate to to some degree; having a sex-positive life in a sex-negative world.

I love her garden metaphor. It’s a way of explaining how most of what we know about sex is what we have been taught by our culture. A lot of which has been totally debunked by countless studies. She goes through what some of those things entail and how they get “planted in our garden”. Culturally, we receive three types of messages: the media, the medical, the moral. “You are inadequate; you are diseased; you are damaged goods.” It’s not easy to figure out how to love yourself in a world that’s constantly telling you you have no reason to; Life Coach Alex Howlett gives you a great start in her article, “What Self Love Really Means.”

Through such messages, we are taught falsehood about our weight, size(body shaming); about purity and the number of partners we have (slut-shaming- which Rose speaks very bluntly about in her article “Can We Hurry Up & Stop Slut Shaming“). Through these messages we are also told how to have better sex or do other sexual things better; better orgasms, better relationships (as it relates to sex); as though our natural way of proceeding is not acceptable.

Here are a couple of quotes from chapter five that I love.

“Women have cultural permission to criticize ourselves, but we are punished if we praise ourselves, if we dare say we like ourselves the way we are.”

“Remind yourself that the day you were born, your body was a cause for celebration, for love without condition, and that’s just as true today as it was then.”

Great, great take away.

On the premise of chapter five, I also wanted to share two messages I’ve received socially as a sexual being, particularly as a mother and single parent.

  • Being a mother makes you less desirable, which is something I talked about in detail in the Free My Postpartum Sexuality post.
  • A woman may have several children which leads people to determine that she needs help yet too many to actually deserve the help it has been determined she needs.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading part two. Hopefully, it won’t take me as long to get through the next couple of parts.

This post contains an affiliate link to the book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life which means I will receive a small commission when purchased through the link, so thank you very much.

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Artist Feature:

Felice Casorati (1883-1963), Nudo (Nudo disteso che legge) / Nude (Reclining Nude reading), 1943.

What are some messages you have received medically, morally, or through the media about sexuality?

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#Summer100 Sex Bloggers Blog Challenge

Today marks the kick-off of the very first, annual Summer 100 sex blogger blog challenge. The #summer100 blogging challenge is all about bringing the sex blogging community together, building content, and growing your blog’s online presence. We currently have thirty-two bloggers (and growing) participating in the challenge this year.

summer 100 Pretty Pink Lotus Bud Presents sex blogger blog challenge

Over the course of the summer, sex bloggers are being challenged to publish one-hundred posts between June 1st and September 1st. During the challenge we will each backlink one another and share ours and the posts of others on our social media platforms.

We are accepting new participants until July 2nd. If you are a sex blogger and would like to enter, you can do that here. Don’t let the 100 post intimidate you, that part is mostly for fun. Our main goals are to connect with other bloggers and grow our blogs. We are expecting fifty percent participation at the very least as long as all the rules in the challenge are accounted for.

Being a Sex Blogger

I joined the sex blogging sphere in February as an advocate for sexual freedom and open sexual expression more than anything. I also thought it might be fun to do a few toy reviews like Amanda at Dirty Milf Next Door as well. Being here, I’ve learned so much about the various perspectives on sexuality and I haven’t even hit the tip of the iceberg; merely the waters around it. You can learn more about what I do and why on my about page.

I’ve learned about transgender sexuality, sexuality from the perspective of individuals who are disabled, actors and actresses, trauma survivors; from various lifestyle perspectives like kink and poly. I’ve explored and compared my own experiences with consent, slut-shaming and various other sexual social constructs. In the realm of sexuality, there is so much to be explored, which greatly fuels my passion for learning about people.

Blogging Infamy

I received the idea for this challenge after searching aimlessly for groups of sex bloggers that I could schmooze with according to some advice from a Pinterest post, Ways to Get Noticed as a New Blogger. We’ll wouldn’t you know that I could not find a single group. No, scratch that, I did find a single group. Yes, it was just that; a single group on Facebook.

When I came across the group, I was even newer to sex blogging that I am now and the rules said, “Only accepting established sex bloggers.” Now, I wasn’t sure about what they meant by “established” but I was certain it wasn’t me. So I did not request to join at that time. I recently requested to join maybe two weeks ago, now. And since I haven’t been accepted, I guess it’s safe to assume I’m not established enough for them. *shrugs*

In the meantime, I joined some other not so welcoming to sex bloggers blog groups. It was not a very pleasant experience and I ended up writing about it, Slut-Shamed for Being a Sex Blogger. Even so, I was not discouraged. The same quote that inspired me to launch this blog even though I was so afraid to, is the same quote that inspired me to create this challenge, “If you do not see the light, be the light.”

There was so much fear surround this journey as well; I must be honest. I’ve only been blogging four months and this is my first challenge; what if people don’t find me to be credible. I don’t know that many people and I know I’m going to need help promoting this; what if they won’t help. Shortly after, I was asked by Jazzmin to do a guest post on her blog for her pleasure crystals. I was extremely flattered and honored by her request and it just so happened I had written the perfect post just days before, Can Sex Be Spiritual.

Making Connections- because they are so important to our endeavors

Connecting with Jazzmin brought over a hundred followers to my instagram and about a dozen subscribers. It was like the Universe was answering those questions of fear. It made me recognize that when you are doing something positive, others will see and they will be there to support and encourage you but not if you don’t get out there and do it.

When I initially announced the challenge, I was so excited. I had four bloggers to sign-up immediately. It stayed at four for an entire week. No one else was signing up. I felt a bit discouraged but then I decided I would message bloggers to ask them to join the challenge. Again, fear crept in; what if they ignore me; what if they just think it’s spam; what if they say no. It’s ok. This request is absolutely genuine and those who are meant to will see that.

I sat at my computer and messaged over fifty bloggers and responded promptly to each reply and inquiry. Those who could not join, offered to help promote. I was super grateful for the early supporters including Jordan Tyler, Bella Rose, and Ducky Doolittle (even though she could not be a part of the challenge).

Special thanks to everyone who has joined the challenge and who has been sharing it with their tribe. I appreciate all the support and encouragement. If you have not joined, you still can right here. Although I did say the one-hundred post is just for fun, I am currently putting together an awesome three-part prize pack for our participants who meet the challenge goal of publishing 100 posts! So you definitely want to subscribe and stay tuned for the prize pack announcement. I did not tell the participants about this. So this is definitely a SURPRISE!

I mean, what’s a challenge without a prize, right? Also, I didn’t want that to be the motivation for signing up. Hopefully, that still won’t be the case. I want you here because you genuinely desire to be here and only under those circumstances.

Thank you all so very much!

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