Sometimes we think of sex toys as replacements for actual sexual intercourse but what are they really for.

I don’t need a toy; I need the real thing 🍆

You will find the word sex toy a lot in this post since it is indeed about sex toys. In the finale of the summer 100, you will find that I have linked the words “sex toy(s)” to several awesome sex toy stories and reviews so that you can discover the world of sex toys from a variety of perspectives! 🤗

Sometimes we think of sex toys as replacements for actual sexual intercourse but what are they really for.

What is the purpose of sex toys anyway?

Are they for…

A) relaxation
B) pleasure or
C) a replacement for actual intercourse

This past May my child-free friend, Christy invited all of her friends with children over to her home for a nice little barbecue and pool party. 🏊

As we gathered for drinks and conversation, I told the ladies a little bit about who I am and what I do as a sex blogger. I gave them each a copy of my business card and of course, my women’s orgasms matter button and we started in on a conversation about sex toys.

“I have one,” one of the ladies shared. “I’ve been using it a lot since I’ve been single.”

“I don’t need a sex toy,” another one said. “I need the real thing.”

Sex toys are cool; I have a few, but I have a man now though so I haven’t used them in awhile.” the last one shared.

“Well, Vikki can certainly tell you anything you need to know about sex toys and her blog is so amazing 🥰,” my friend Christy chimed in.

Although, I know this isn’t totally true, the fact that I have mad resources thanks to my sex blogger posse filled with toy reviewers, I could certainly get these ladies all the information they desired.

Sex Toys & Group Think

In retrospect, I can recall many situations of both directly and indirectly associating the use of toys with being single or not having a person there to assist me in fulfilling my sexual desires. In my mind, that’s what sex toys were for.

As each of us shared our stories about our experience with sex toys, how we use them, and the purpose we see in sex toys, I begin to notice a theme and it was not unlike my own thoughts about sex toys before embarking on my blogging journey and eventually the 30-day orgasm fun challenge.

Why do we believe the things we believe about things we've never experienced?

When I started my blog back in February of 2017, I had no interest in sex toys or plans of incorporating them into my sex blogging journey because of this belief. Little did I realize the Universe definitely had other plans.

This encounter cause me to question what we believe the purpose of sex toys to be and how I and other sex bloggers and individuals who use sex toys regularly could possibly change this perception. I’ll admit, I’m probably a bit easier to convince than average. After all, my motto has always been, “I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it.”

I’ve noticed that so many of us, most specifically black women, who lack experience with them believe that sex toys are replacements for actual bodies. This statement absolutely includes me.

It was during this conversation by the pool with these ladies that I realized my belief about sex toys acting as replacements for bodies had actually been a symptom of group-think.

Group-think can be this thing that happens when we believe something about people, places, things, or ideas often times without having any experience in whatever that thing is and allowing those beliefs to influence how we interact with those people, those places, or those things/ideas.

And here, we hold these ideas about sex toys without actually having much experience with sex toys at all.

The Pleasure Advocate

The pleasure advocate

I shared with these ladies that I once held their same perspective. Then I got the opportunity to dive into a world of sex, including the toys, and I quickly learned that there are so many sex toys that do so many magical things. Sex toys don’t replace bodies; they can’t! In retrospect I think to myself, what a silly thought. How did I even come up with that?

They are there in some ways to enhance bodies, to compliment bodies, and to help us explore and discover our bodies in new ways; in spiritual ways even; in ways we might not have explored our own being-ness had we not been introduced to toys. I can certainly say all of those are true for me.

As we sat at the poolside between sipping mimosas🍹 and reapplying sunblock to our children, I continued telling the ladies about rechargeable toys and some of my specific favorites including the zumio and all the satisfyers 😍. I could tell by the expression on their faces that this was all new territory for them as it had been for me.

I had no idea of the power and magic so eloquently dubbed “the wand” that could be held in the palm of one’s hand. I explained how the design and technology of sex toys has evolved to more pleasure centered roles with research to support. So much so that you might actually discover new ways to orgasm, new kinds of orgasms, and that even the same type of orgasm can feel vastly different depending on the type of sex toy you’re using.

They were all suddenly wide-eyed 👀 and intrigued. “I’m going to have to take a look into these new toys,” one of the ladies responded. Success! My work is done. I can officially add sex toy pleasure advocate to my resume. 🥰✊🏿🤩

I am a total sex toy novice and I love, love, love sharing all of the new discoveries I make with my own body. So I encourage you to dive into the world of toys and see what new things you might find.

 

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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art by tinamariaelena

Sex with Strangers

In the heat of summer on an early Saturday evening, a beautiful woman of few friends and mild social anxiety can be found scrolling the personal ads of her local online classifieds to see what wonders there are to discover: long term relationships, casual encounters, women for men, women for women, women for more women.

She doesn’t find any ad that piques her interest, so she decides to place one of her own. She’s a talented writer with an entrenched love for writing. She fills her ad with poetic symphonies of iambic pentameter; words of truth from her heart. She writes in a way that people placing ads for online personals just don’t write. Not so, “Let’s just cut to the chase.” It’s a waste; nothing there anyway but weirdos and creeps, scammers, sex trafficers, and desperate souls. Oh, but she is neither and yet she is here. She’s just a lonely girl fishing to fill her Saturday night with a bit of fun and fresh delight.

Sex with Strangers

I don’t know about anyone else, but I do enjoy the thought of the occasional risque rendezvous of encounters with strangers; nameless sex in unknown territory. Sometimes it magically morphs into more and those are the times I risk it all for. No pressure. Millenials are indeed recreating the dynamics of relationships.

I’ve met a few friends through the ads of online classifieds. Imagine my devastation when I discovered such a venue no longer exists.

We all do relationships a bit differently from meetings and individual introductions to sexual encounters and all facets of relationships.

This is one way I do or rather did them. Now, SESTA and FOSTA and the entire 45 administration is destroying what I suspect had been a way of doing relationships for many of us introvert, socially awkward and anxious type.

Anonymous Debut

Ever since the internet debuted in my life in the eighth grade, I’ve resorted to late night chat room conversations to keep me entertained in the realm of relationships. I truly enjoy the mystery and vulnerability of it all. Chat room therapy is what I once called it. Pouring out my truest confessions to faceless human persons while sitting nude in dim light gives new meaning to being naked.

I’ll be the first to admit that the potential for sex with a stranger excites me a lot more than actually following through on it. In my head, I romanticize it so much that I’m really just scared it won’t be remotely anything the way I see it in my mind’s eye.

In the words of a close friend of mine, “You can’t expect romance in a one night stand.” 🙄 I’m still not sure where we get such ideas from. Romance is so perfect for one night stands and I’ll tell you why just not today.

Casual Encounters

I’m just concerned that sex with a stranger might be all icky and objectified; sex without the connection.

Although, there was that one time that was quite magical. I had been fantasizing about a mmf (male, male, female) threesome, but there was no one in my life with whom I felt remotely comfortable in carrying out this fantasy with, so I placed my very specific request in the casual encounters section of the online classifieds.

Jay responded.

art by tinamariaelena

instagram.com/tinamariaelena

I’ve always been wary of mmf encounters because of the stigmas associated with them. There was a recent discussion on Instagram about reprogramming and reconstructing these ideas of multiple men having sex with one women.

I’d had a mmf threesome long ago that I mentioned in my 9 Tips for Her Better Oral Pleasure post. It was an unplanned pleasant experience. I wanted to have that again, but based on the stories I’d heard from other women, my experience was a lucky one; I felt like the probability of it happening again in that positive way was unlikely without some sort of guidance on my part.

Fortunately, Jay understood precisely what I needed and oh boy did he deliver. He and his close friend saw me through multiple selfless, pleasurable, shameless, and stigma-free squirting orgasms.

Would I have been able to have this had it not been for the ease of stranger encounters via online classifieds? Perhaps. Maybe not.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Themes and Other Things

We have decided to create themes for each round. And since there are six rounds there will likewise be six themes. Special thanks to Carly of Dildo or Dildon’t for coming up with (most of) these themes. Isabelle and I got together to finalize which themes would be broad enough to allow for the most creative freedom.

If you have questions about how long each round lasts, be sure to visit the FAQs.

Coming out of May (Masturbation month) I’m certain many of us have lots to write about from the toys we’ve used, to tips and techniques, erotica stories, personal journeys and more. So we figured this would be an appropriate way to kick off our Summer 100.

  • Round One– Masturbation/Self pleasure/Self-care
  • Round Two– Oral Sex
  • Round Three– Relationships
  • Round Four– Kink/Fetish/BDSM
  • Round Five– Sex Toys
  • Round Six– Sex Education

You only need to write one or two posts for each theme per round. That way we can be sure that there is enough related content for others to link to. I also took out the time to create a blog catalog of sorts by grabbing posts from the blogs of each participants and organizing them by categories. You can find that catalog here.

Yes, you can link to older content. Just in case you were wondering. I only took a few from each participant, however there is so much more awesome content to link. I encourage you to visit each site on your own to discover for yourself.

Finally, please include this link & graphic to the guestbook at the end of each of your posts inviting your visitors to view more posts by summer100 participants. Grab the code below to do this effortlessly.

guestbook_graphic

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

 

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Pay Attention to the Pussy

Actor Jordan Tyler for #WomensOrgasmsMatter

Guys….Pay Attention to the Pussy

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard from women that their partners just don’t give the pussy the proper attention. And no, I don’t mean with their dicks. I mean with their tongues. They tell me that they are always expected to suck his dick, but then he doesn’t always go down on them, or if he does, it’s weak.

So guys, here’s a bit of advice….treat that pussy like it’s your last meal. And go down on her first. I’ve actually stopped women from going down on me so I could go down on her first. Now if she’s the more aggressive type and insists on sucking your dick first, by all means let it happen. But take care of her after she’s done.

Women’s orgasms matter. And while I won’t say they matter more than our orgasms, let’s face it….as a guy, I’m going to cum during sex. It’s pretty much a given. 100% of guys will. But we all know women aren’t always that easy to get off. Sure some are, but not all are. So that means we need to do a little work.

And how many women are led to believe that they are to get the guy off first?? I blame society on that, and porn as well, as you see so much male centered porn where she either is faking it or doesn’t ever cum but he does. Well, let’s change that. I’d love to see more female centered porn as well, but that’s a different topic.

Put that woman first…

So when you are with your lady, put her needs first. Go down on her before she does you. Besides, a woman’s orgasm is a beautiful thing. The feeling when you are between her legs and her legs start to go over your shoulders….when they start to shake. When her hands run through your hair and then grab it. When her moans start and her breathing changes. When her hips start to lift up off the bed and her body shakes. It’s absolutely amazing.

If that’s not enough for you, here’s another thing. Virtually every time I’ve done this, she’s responded with so much more enthusiasm afterwards. She’s in the mood much more than if you hadn’t done her first. The blow jobs are better. The sex is better. You got her going and she’s more into it because of it.

So guys….take my advice. Eat more pussy. Eat her first. Make her cum first. Show her that her needs, her orgasms, are just as important as yours.

You’ll thank me for it later 🙂

About Jordan

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Jordan Tyler is male adult model and actor (a nice way of saying he does porn), who has worked across multiple areas of the sex industry. He’s been in porn films, worked as an escort, and performed live shows both on webcam and in person. In addition to these areas, he’s now expanding into blogging, covering various topics from the porn industry to sex and sexuality.

You can connect with Jordan via the links below:

Twitter @jordantylerxxx
Tumblr modeljordantyler.tumblr.com
Instagram @model_jordan_tyler

Join the #WomensOrgasmsMatter campaign. Submit your two cents at hellolovely@prettypinklotusbud.org or Contact us.

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Why My Sex Positivity is Not without Fear, Shame, or Trauma.

Sex positivity, like social justice, like self-care, is becoming a catch phrase that is being used sometimes loosely and without a multifaceted understanding of the phrase’s function. Frequently, sex-positivity is often used to categorize or define free spirited, and fun sexual behavior. I myself have used this word to describe my message around masturbation and its benefits to Black Womxn or to provide context to my nude art.

While I think this understanding of sex-positivity should be a part of its definition, I do not think it should be the sole way that we interact with “sex-positivity”. I have been recently reminded or challenged rather to reconsider the meaning and function of sex positivity. My homegirl recently sent me a picture that Traci Ellis Ross posted on her Instagram that defined sex positivity beyond the meaning of someone who beautifully owns their sexuality. I was challenged to think about if one doesn’t “beautifully” own their sexuality does this make them sex-negative? Or more relational to me, does one whom owns their sexuality “beautifully”, somehow without the residue of sex-negativity or sexual shame? I can tell you for certain the answer is no!

Why my sex positivity is not without fear, shame or trauma

Since doing this work, I have been confronted with people’s judgements, praise, and confusion of why I do what I do, and their projected definitions on to me. Given this, I have come to realize how uncomfortable I have become with the sometimes valid misconceptions that are fixed upon my body, my message, and my business. Because I am pro-Black nudity, pro-Black sex, pro-Black femininity, pro-Black masturbation and etc., folks validly assume that I am a sexual goddess freak bitch whom is able to make balls disappear in my throat. They assume that I am a pro at pleasing someone sexually, that I am a confident sistah who knows how to spin around on the D and keep it inside, as Trina said on her hit single “Look back at it”.

Sex positive Art by Favianna Rodriquez

Favianna.com

They look at me as if I am sexually perfect and without insecurity, shame and trauma. Some of this is my fault, as I have internalized some shit over the years and thus showcased these internalizations, but some of this is assumptions, and perceptions being placed on me. This is my critique of the word positive in general is that it negates the presence or possibility of negativity, and the energy that exist between positivity and negativity. I blame Eurocentric and/or westernized culture for it conditioning us to only honor binaries. We have a tendency to operate within defining things as one or the other, and if something is good then it is solely positive, and if something is bad then it is solely negative.

I want to push us though to think beyond the “either or” and understand that positivity and negativity like water is fluid, and the presence of one doesn’t mean the non-presence of the other. To be clearer, I am saying, negativity and positivity can exist simultaneously; perhaps there will be a conflict or struggle between the two, but they can absolutely be present in the same person, place or thing and at the same time. If this stands true then this must be applicable to the way we understand and interact with sex-positivity.

Let us consider in the first place why sex-positivity is even a thing. Sex-positivity is a movement to reclaim sexuality as something that is “normal”, “beautiful”, consensual, and to remove it out of the privilege rigged, taboo, and shameful paradigms that often it exist in. In addition to that, this movement is about or should be about providing and protecting womxn’s rightful option to be sexual or not. Black Womxn have added an intersectional approach to this movement and we have been taking steps to analyze, reclaim and redefine our sexual politics. Thus, sex-positivity, I would argue, is born out of a culture that has perverted, shamed, racialized and taboolized and violated folks through the vehicle of sex and sexuality. By virtue of this reality we cannot negate that those whom are sex-positive are fighting through shame, and trauma. I am still very much sexually insecure, and battle with body-positivity, insecurities of not fulfilling or meeting someone’s sexual expectations.

I have trauma, violent, and unhealthy sexual experiences that I have only addressed in my head or said out loud to a few people. Like many Black Womxn whom identify as sex-positive, I am fighting through barriers and ideologies that have been created to limit or control my sexual expressions. I am fighting through my secrets, and the shame that is birthed from them. Perhaps this is why I am sex positive because I found a space where I can exist without being totally spiritually assassinated by my shame and trauma. My hope is that when people engage with my work, my being, my body, and my business is that none of these become the standard or romanticized. I am just as much a sexual mess as I am a sexual goddess, I am unpacking, healing, learning and decolonizing and thus my sex-positivity is not without fear, shame or trauma.

Myisha M Soule

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality- Myisha Soule

About the Author

My name is Myisha, my name means womxn and giver of life, and I am from Oakland California! I grew up in a house with my mother, my grandmother, my aunte, and a cousin that I am four days apart from. I have always been a person who has been deeply chaotic but immensely brilliant! I am trying to walk in my truth, and trying to find the space to uphold balance between my chaos and brilliance. I recently started my business, soulzandgspotz.com which focuses on empowering Black Womxn through masturbation.  I have two degrees that hold little value in comparison to the experiences gained from obtaining them, but if you care to know what they are, I have a B.A in Communication with a minor in Ethnic Studies, and a Master’s in Education with an emphasis in leadership.  All in all, I am trying to find myself, fulfill the ancestor’s purpose for me, conquer my demons, help my people, have a baby, and a fine man, and live life as whole, truthful, and unapologetic as possible.

Want to share your journey here on PrettyPinkLotusBud.org? Contact us or email us at hellolovely@prettypinklotusbud.org


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Women's Orgasms Button one inch button pin

Join the Women’s Orgasms Matter Campaign

I received this campaign a few months ago as I began to dive into the world wide web of sex blogging. There was so much underneath the forbidden surface of it all; much more than I could ever imagine.

More than anything, I could clearly see the disparities in sex education between educating men and educating women through formal education as well as social interaction which results in huge inconsistencies in sexual experiences among those same groups. Victoria of Euphoric Epiphany explores some of those reasons in her recent post on Why Women’s Orgams Matter.

Let’s start a movement!

Women’s Orgasms Matter is a campaign created for sex positive and body positive sex education advocating for sexual freedom. Our focus is on sex positive sex education through sexual pleasure and sexual freedom.

Our goal is to promote empowerment by giving individuals what they need to make informed sexual decision which contribute to improvement in sexual health, reduction in undesired pregnancy, the confidence of being sexually aware, and simply attaining the sexual experience that you desire and all that may entail.

There are so many reasons why women’s orgasms matter and throughout this campaign, you are welcomed to join in the conversation using the hashtag #WomensOrgasmsMatter. We will be publishing and featuring video and posts by others joining us in this campaign. I am so excited to discover why women’s orgasms matter to all the beautiful people in the world.

Show your support!

You can show your support for the #WOM campaign by donating to our crowdfunding efforts which create and provides sex positive sex education materials as well as forums and workshops for open dialogue on sexuality to both men and women, young and old.

Women's Orgasms Matter go fund me (crowd funding) campaign

Women’s Orgasms Matter is without a doubt a collective community effort and requires the voice of every sex positive advocate to be successful.

You can also show your support by purchasing the #WOM t-shirt on Tee-Spring. I recently wore my own #WOM t-shirt to Houston Pride Parade and it was certainly a hit. So if you’re in the Houston circles and happen across any photos of me please let me know. I appreciate it.

If you would like to donate items or educational materials to this campaign please contact us to let us know. We appreciate all donations and recognize our donors publicly.

Women's Orgasms Matter campaign on prettypinklotusbud.org

Throughout the campaign, we will be having several awesome giveaways that will not be announced. They will be embedded within the posts. So make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss our posts or our giveaways or the opportunity to be a part of this awesome and necessary movement.

I will be promoting some of those giveaways via Instagram ONLY. I invite you to follow me, Pretty Pink Lotus Bud, there as well because I don’t want you to miss out.

Without further ado, let’s kick this campaign off with this lovely Instagram giveaway.

All you have to do is REPOST this photo, TAG me and two friends (in your repost) who might be interested in joining this movement and COMPLETE the statement, Women’s Orgasms Matter because…below the photo. Once you are done leave #WomensOrgasmsMatter (or #WOM) in the comments below our campaign photo for entry into this giveaway. Winner will be drawn at 1k followers. Let’s do this!

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Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Summer 100 June Recap

June has been such a busy and wonderful month for Pretty Pink Lotus Bud and the Summer 100 sex blogger blog challenge. I am absolutely elated about all of the wonderful and creative content that is being shared by everyone participating. I’m very thankful for the relationships I have formed and am continuing to build.

Just in case you missed all the gems, because it’s definitely been that kind of summer, don’t worry…I’ve got a detailed recap right here. There were so many great posts. It wasn’t easy to narrow it down to my personal faves and ones that I found intriguing. So yes, this recap is a bit biased but no worries. Biased or not, these are awesome and very educational posts.

Sex+Parenting

Now you lovelies might be aware of how deeply I feel about being both a mother and a sexual being from Free My Postpartum Sexuality. I love, love, love Victoria’s Mom in the Spotlight feature. In her most recent feature, she asks mom about her sex education and how it might be different for her children; an awesome thing to consider when you’re raising children.

Needless to say, sex positive parenting is important to me but if you weren’t raised in such an environment, I’m sure you have lots of questions and concerns. Kristin, who is a licensed Sexual Health Professional, addresses many of the questions that you may have in her Sex Positive Parenting piece. Please, share with others seeking advice on sex positive parenting.

Sex positive parenting must, must include us talking to our children about consent as Lydia talks about in her post. It is always my goal to raise sexually empowered children and consent is such an important component of that goal.

No Anal for me, please.

Everyone is into anal sex, except me. I’m so with Isabelle on this one. I’ve tried it several times with huge gaps in between tries and it’s just not my thing. Sorry, not sorry.

Sex bloggers against Slut-shaming

Sexual shaming makes me livid so I was having so many Yasssss! moments for the lovely pieces against sex and slut shaming like this one, Can We Hurry Up & Stop Slut Shaming  and this one by Life Coach Alex, Sex Shaming is a Recipe for Disaster. Of course, I’m all too familiar with this experience, Slut Shamed for Being a Sex Blogger so I am here for it all. Yassss!

Experience Alt Porn

Confessional moment, I thoroughly enjoy watching porn. I’ve only been exposed to mainstream, popular genres of porn which is horrible. Yes, horrible. I am glad to have discovered these wonderful and detailed feminist queer Crashpad reviews by Carly of Dildo or Dildon’t.

Carly and I are part of the WOC bloggers on our way to Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit in Washington, DC. We’re still raising money for that so please check it out and consider donating. We appreciate you!

 summer 100 Pretty Pink Lotus Bud Presents sex blogger blog challenge

Bad A$$ Blow jobs

If you don’t know how much I love to give a good blow job, you should definitely be headed to my Joys of Fellatio Blog Series right now. No, I mean go NOW! Then once you’re done checking out my series, you can hit up Life Sexual for a male perspective on Tips To Give Him The Best Blowjob of His Life.

Popular Poly

My oh my, there has been a lot of poly chatter around the sex blogisphere and I’m not mad about it. Ideally, I love poly lifestyle. For those of you who don’t know much about the many facets of poly life (and are interested), looking into the post I’ve listed below is something you want to do.

Take Back Your Sex Podcast Episode 008: Poly Talk with Katie Speaks

Tantric With: Polyamory the magic of loving many

Sharp Sweet Bella: Mediator’s Toolkit: Encountering Myths about Polyamory

Vixen Coaching: Polyamory Q&A

Love this matter of fact post by Ana of The Story of A: I’m Sorry, Where Did Poly People Say Everyone Had to Be?

And once you’re done exploring those you must check out 7 Truths About Being NonMonogamous

Sex Toy Reviews

And if you’re looking for awesome sex toy reviews A Mess of Reviews is definitely where you should be right now. I’m just saying.

HIV Awareness

HIV awareness is near and dear to my heart and you can discover why in my piece To Love Someone with HIV. That being said, I was very glad to see this post on HIV Awareness for National HIV Testing Day on Chronic Sex.

As I said, this month has brought some amazing, amazing posts! Yay, for the #Summer100. Keep up the great work, everyone.

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Pinterest for Sex Bloggers

Dear sex bloggers,

In the world of Pins, boards, and group boards, we are largely non-existent. Let’s change that!

First things first, what do I mean when I say “sex blogger”.

Sex blogger is used as a catch all for almost any blogger who blogs about topics related to sex including, sexual health, empowerment, advocacy, education, toy and product reviews, relationships and dating, BDSM, kink and world of micro-niche sex topics.

Slow to Go

Pinterest Beginner's guide for sex bloggers. How to get started on Pinterest growing your blog audience

I’ve heard bloggers say they have no clue how to use Pinterest and therefore do not use it very often. I completely understand because I was there only a few months ago as you can tell from my only fifty something followers. I avoided using Pinterest because perhaps like you, I didn’t know how to use it. Once I did learn the basics, I was like Oh my gosh, I’ve been missing out on so much and I’m still learning!

Pinterest is still changing as they learn new things from contributors so there is still much to learn. I am there often, discovering all these things that I’ll be sharing with you today.

Pinterest has been a huge asset in the launching of my sex blog as I researched the “how tos” of successful blogging for newbie bloggers. From generating post ideas and customizing my blog to information on being an affiliate and general ideas on how to grow online presence, Pinterest has been an invaluable resource to building my blog. Just check out my Building Brilliance Pinterest board to see for yourself.

I’ve been pinning like a mad woman and I check most of my links (you know, for spam) before pinning, so they are legit, dependable resources.

A Leading Search Engine

I’ve heard that Pinterest is the #2 search engine in the world getting over 2 billion searches a month and 100 million active users. Pinners are also more likely to purchase from a link they found on Pinterest than any other search engine. I’ve seen many popular lifestyle bloggers boast Pinterest as their number one source of traffic and attribute much of their success to the social platform.

Now I don’t know about you, but I plan to generate success and popularity through any authentic means including Pinterest. And while this post does say Pinterest for sex bloggers, it’s really for any bloggers who might benefit from the information.

Get the Business Account

If you’re like me and started out with a personal account, you can convert it to a business account by clicking those three dots and selecting “Access Business Tools”. Once you’ve completed those steps, go ahead and confirm your website so you get access to your Pinterest Analytics which I like to call my Pinterest back office. It gives you the who and the what on your most popular pins.

Keyword Rich Descriptions

Make sure to complete your profile information using keywords to make you more discoverable in your blogging niche like adult reviews, sex education, sex positive, or sexual empowerment. Make it concise (160 characters max) and make it count.

The first board you should create is a board exclusively for all of your own blog posts. Here’s mine. Next, create other boards for other interest related or unrelated to your blog. If you don’t want boards for other interests to show in your profile, simply make it a secret board. Once you have created your boards, start pinning and following other boards. Aim for a keyword rich description when completing you board information.

 

Search & Pin

You can search for boards to join by searching keywords and selecting “Boards” from the dropdown at the end of the search box. You can also create new boards as you discover new interest, which I’m quite sure you will, trust me. As your board grows, you can reorder them by selecting and moving them to the row you’d like them to be placed.

Pinterest works very similar to other search engines, the more popular your pins are the more valuable your profile is to Pinterest users causing your pins to appear more frequently in searches. Be sure to pin a variety of quality content and invite others to follow your boards via your blog or social media platforms.

I love that Pinterest is such an awesome source of a mega variety of information; you could get lost for hours in that place.

There you have it, now you are a Pinterest basics pro. Go test out your new skills. Later, I’ll be posting about Pinterest Group Boards for Sex Bloggers and Creating Images Optimized for Pinterest.

Here are a few good sex blogger posts to start pinning now Hot Sex Without Melting, Ovo E3 G-Spot Vibrator Review, & Sexual Magic, DESIRE

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Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality- HIV Awareness

To Love Someone with HIV

I wonder why you clicked this link. Is it because you truly want to know what it’s like to love someone with HIV? Is it because you want to know if my feelings of loving someone with HIV are the same as yours? Or maybe it is because you couldn’t pass up an opportunity to stigmatize and judge yet another person with HIV?

HIV is an illusion to many of us who are not directly affected by it. It isn’t real to us: some distant celebrity or unknown persons with a substance addiction, some local fear tactic. It just doesn’t exist to us; it’s not our concern. Not knowing quite how to care.

To love someone with HIV was the most painful experience in my life. You’d think I was the one who had been diagnosed.

But why, why was it such a painful experience? There have been so many medical advances when it comes to HIV and AIDS that such a diagnoses is no longer the death sentence it was once thought to be. Today, persons diagnosed with the virus can look forward to living long and prosperous lives. Am I right?

You couldn’t be more wrong. From a perspective of physical health, that is true, because of medical advances, some persons diagnosed with HIV can live healthy lives. We’ve even made advanced steps towards prevention with PrEP (coming soon in generic form). For others, this is not so. From a social perspective, an HIV diagnoses can absolutely become a death sentence; one of shame, of guilt, and of discrimination. The stigma of HIV is now more dangerous than the actual virus itself. Not just to physical health, but psychological well being most of all.

Eradicate the stigma and discrimination associated with HIV @PrettyPinkLotusBud

Robbery by Shame

I never realized shame could actually rob a person of their will to live. But I witnessed it with my own eyes, with my own beingness as shame and guilt sucked the life right out of my mother. To know that someone you love is suffering, dying a slow and excruciating death to shame, guilt, and heavy stigmas surrounding the diagnosis of HIV is excruciating to watch.

Shame is the plague to our journey of self-realization.

My mother was HIV positive. I remember when she sat down to tell me. She spoke with such somber disappointment; an air of defeat all around her. I responded with shock which wasn’t the best response, but it’s the one that occurs when something you never thought could happen happens to you.

It was exactly this moment that HIV became real to me. It didn’t take me long to process it. Despite my initial shock, there was nothing to process. She was my mother, I loved her just the same. Her diagnoses did not matter to me and soon it left my mind altogether, but it never left hers. How could it with the stigma of HIV lingering stagnant all around us despite medical advances?

Suicide by Diagnosis

During the time after my mother had been diagnosed, she had also been diagnosed with cervical cancer. I lived a distance away so I didn’t see my mom that often. When I did see her I was constantly reminded of her diagnoses as I watched her withdraw from the world, withdraw from family, from us, her children, from her grandchild, my daughter whom I knew was her most favorite something in this life…my best gift I could have given her. The stigma of HIV had my mother by the balls if there were such a thing for her. She was cornered in a depressing and lonely place.

The hugs and kisses became fewer and the distance greater. It was like she was punishing herself, so careful not to pass her virus to others. Prior to her diagnoses, I used to say to her, “Ma, you can’t contract HIV that way.” Then she’d tell me, “That’s what they tell you now, years later they’ll be saying something different.” As a nurse, she had a lot of inside information on the “unknowns” of HIV. Just a random tidbit.

She’d tell me about her experiences and encounters with people who were aware of her diagnoses. Sometimes she’d become so hurt by the judgement, she’d erupt in anger and other times she’d laugh hysterically about the facial expressions and reactions of others. Mostly she just stayed tucked away from everything and everyone.

Eradicate the stigma and discrimination associated with HIV @PrettyPinkLotusBud

Your love is my love; Your pain is my pain.

I hurt. I hurt because she hurt because even as her daughter, not judging her and loving her just the same was not enough to overcome the social stigma of HIV. No matter what I said, no matter what I did none of it helped…none of it convinced her to fight. She tried to fake it, but like me, my mother was never good at that thing…faking. She was pretending for us which also caused me terrible pain.

There is no shame in desiring death. Death is peace.

I cried often. I prayed for God to help her see how loved she was. But all she could hear were voices of judgment crowding her in shadows of shame. I know because that’s all I could hear from her.

It hurt so much to witness my mother in such a weakened state after seeing her be so strong for so long. So much that at times I could not stand to be around her very long without bursting into tears. I tried and often times she’d console me and apologize constantly for her sadness, for her desire for death. She didn’t need to apologize, I understood much more than I ever wanted to.

Stamp out Stigma and Discrimination

My beloved mother ascended into greatness on what was Wednesday, June 27th 2012 which also happens to be National HIV Testing day first observed on June 27th 1995. Not very many family or friends knew that my mother was HIV positive and still don’t however, I doubt I have to tell you why. Even in her ascension it is still only whispered about among those of us who do know. For awhile, I was the only one she told.

I wrestled a lot with myself about whether I should write and publish this post because of the same reasons…stigmas that caused my mother to withdraw from life. But I’ve found that the more I talk about it, the more open I am about it, the less need I have to hide it, and the less shame I feel about it.

Eradicating the stigma of HIV will not be easy but it is absolutely necessary.

To learn more about the stigma of HIV visit HIV Stigma and Discrimination and Stigma and Discrimination against Women Living with HIV.

You should also check out Angry Black Hoemo’s HIV Stigma: A(nother) Tool of Homophobia & Direct Enemy of Prevention where he gives his blunt and honest perspective on the stigmas of HIV.

Free testing is available in many places on June 27th. To find out more about HIV and how you can get free testing on testing day visit National HIV Testing Day on Chronicsex.org.

Eradicate the stigma and discrimination associated with HIV @PrettyPinkLotusBud

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Is someone you love living with HIV? How does/did it affect you?

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Behind the Scenes of My Photo Shoot

I recently had an awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome photo shoot in preparation for my upcoming campaign and ongoing marketing for my blog. I swear I love doing this stuff. Although it was midday and hot as all get out this shoot was so amazing. My good friend agreed to do some behind the scenes shots and videos for me and while he is no professional he captured some amazing candid shots and I’m sharing them with you all. Please enjoy this lovely photo post. Subscribe so you don’t miss out on future posts.

 

 

 

 

 

What I’m Wearing

  • Choker by Reagan
  • Earring donated by the bestie
  • Shoes from DSW
  • Get this Body Suit on Ebay via my affiliate link. They come in four other colors
  • Head wrap made by yours truly
  • Tights & bracelet thrifted (Don’t recall from where; I thrift shop sooooo much)
  • Behind the scenes shots by Alex

 

 

 

Enjoyed this post? Check out Primal Play by Naomi.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Conclusion: The Joys of Fellatio Blog Series

Today marks the conclusion of The Joys of Fellatio blog series in which I took you all on a journey through my personal experience, exposure, and enlightenment to discovering passion in the joy of giving pleasure to another and the power of owning that pleasure. Yes, indeed. For a limited time only while you hold all his glories between your lips, you are the sole proprietor of his sensual pleasure. And of course we all know that with great power comes great responsibility.

Context is Everything

If I have learned nothing of my own experience and a huge part of Emily Nagoski’s message in Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, it’s that context is everything. What is context? Context is the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea, and in terms of which it can be fully understood and assessed; it is the greatest determining factor between “this is wonderful” and “this is awful” especially when it comes to sex.

Do all that you can to build the ideal fellatio loving environment. One that is comfortable, inviting, filled with consent without pressures or expectations. Take your time to imagine and create your ideal context because everyone is not the same.

And while I love giving head, I do realize it is not everyone’s cup of tea. I also realize there may be more to it than “I just don’t like doing it” and it’s up to you to uncover those layers of history you have with fellatio, many of which I am sure were constructed by “social entities” outside of yourself that taught you things like, “Black girls don’t give head,” “Only nasty girls give blow jobs,” or other messages of objectification and degradation. Even things like, the penis is dirty or ugly. I know women who won’t put their face near a penis because they find them all to be hideous; a thing they were certainly taught.

It you missed this week series, don’t worry. You can catch up on it and subscribe so that you never have to miss a single post ever, ever again.

Here, I’ve conveniently listed all the post in the series below:

Day One: I Love Giving Head
Day Two: Words Unspoken
Day Three: Learning the Ropes to Giving Bad A$$ Blow Jobs
Day Four: The Anatomy of Passion
Day Five: 7 Ways to Discover the Joy in Fellatio

Finally, I would like to leave you with two final thoughts on fellatio: Context and Technique
Ideal context is first and foremost. It is also a really, really great to work on your technique. If you don’t have a clue about where to start, here’s an article on tips for an awesome BJ .

 

One very specific thing for the guys who love fellatio; I didn’t mention this during the series however, it is absolutely important in regards to context—performance pressure/the pressure to make a person orgasm by fellatio is a huge context killer. Obliterater. Just FYI.

Thank you all so much for reading this series. I truly hope you enjoyed it and learned great things from it. There are lots of wonderful things in store for future post including prizes (hint, hint). You should subscribe.

If you enjoyed this post, I’m sure you’ll love to know more about cuckolding and what it’s all about.

This post contains affiliates links. Thank you in advance to those who purchase.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

7 Ways to Discover the Joy in Fellatio

Welcome to Day Five of our blog series. Yesterday, we had the pleasure of discovering the anatomy of passion, learning that finding joy in fellatio is much more than learning tips and techniques on how to bring a man to his knees. Although, there is great joy and power in that as well. Be sure to check it out if you missed it.

Seven Ways to Discover the Joy in Fellatio

I’ve heard many stories of women who don’t enjoy fellatio for whatever reason which is just too fucking bad. I’m certain some guy projecting feelings of obligation who refuse to take no for an answer through direct or indirect, non aggressive body language, snuffed the desire right out of her. Perhaps even a sexual trauma she had to endure has left her with a bad taste in her mouth about fellatio.

Every woman is different however, I can relate to a lack of desire to perform the act. My personal lack of desire always arises from a man who might be too presumptuous and aggressive. I know exactly where the penis is located; I don’t need any “guidance”. I also do not care to have the back of my head held in place while a penis is being thrust into my mouth. I got this.

I can totally relate to the eternal turn-off of having unsolicited dick whipped out into your face with the expectation that you should happily slide it into my mouth. With that being said, the suggestions I’ve listed in this post would have a woman like me eager to fulfill my desire to share my joy of fellatio with my guy. Ladies can initiate these suggestions as well should she be interested in finding her own joy in fellatio.

Here goes.

Get reacquainted with the penis. One of biggest pet peeves about adult sex is going in with expectations. How about we not do that for once. How about we truly let “what happens, happen.” Let’s just feel, observe, taste, listen, and smell. Take it all in selflessly without the expectation of sex.

Communication is always my very first go to. As Mrs. Mayweather explains, you may not be there because you aren’t talking about it. Doesn’t always work but you should always try it first. Talk it out. Explore her desires with the goal of uncovering what might have her against the idea of fellatio. Explore your mutual desires. Talk about what you want yet let her know you won’t move on any of those without her green light. In a world of assumptions, reassurance is comforting. Talk about trust, talk about openness, talk intimately about things indirectly related to sex.

Learn together. Learning the male anatomy (and female anatomy) and exploring those parts interactively is a highly intimate engagement. Talking purely from experience here. Allow her to come into her own. Let her touch, rub, feel and explore your penis uninhibited and without pressure to put it in her mouth. A well-lit room, light music, drinks, lots of playful laughter always gets the joys of fellatio flowing.

Put her desires and pleasure first. Let her know you care about how she feels and you want her to feel good. Help her feel relaxed. Keep a bit of distance and allow her to come to you but let her know you’re interested. Anticipation can be quite the mood heightening tool even if there’s no follow through. If she refuses you verbally or through body language accept that without taking it personally, without pressure or continuous inquiry. Most of the time, it’s not about you, and it’s just not worth snuffing out her joy.

Genuinely sweet talk her. Tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her things you honestly enjoy about her unrelated to sex. I have had guys tell me they sense a beautiful soul within me. That guy is more likely to get his dick sucked than some some guy telling me I have nice legs because guys tell me that, too. Once again though, context is everything. Ask her to share her fantasy of cunnilingus: the when, the where, the how. Ask her for all the details. Add to her details, suggest some things that you might do to her. Once she’s done, ASK her whether she minds if you share yours.

During the act, play with her ass and around her pussy; Not IN but AROUND her pussy. Hopefully, you follow the earlier suggestion of putting her pleasure first so that pussy is nice and wet when you go to play with it. It’s not easy to play in dry pussy and it’s honestly a turn-off (for me anyway). Moan loud enough that she can hear you from down there. Let her know how much you’re enjoying it. Tell her you like what she’s doing and be specific about what that is. Tell her how good she is at sucking your dick. Offer her verbal, seductive guidance, rub her back, play in her hair and if you’re on that level, tell her you love her. Let her have her way. She’ll let you have yours soon enough.

It’s praise time. When she’s done, tell her how much you enjoyed her sucking your dick. Grab her face, kiss her deeply, and tell her, “thank you for sucking my dick so good”. And if you make it to intercourse, give her long deep strokes. Squeeze her ass and ask her if she enjoyed sucking your dick. Look her directly in her eyes and tell her she sucked your dick so good. Even if she didn’t; she’ll get better and it will all be worth it.

***BONUS TIP***

I was reminded of to add this tip by my sex blogger buddy, Jordan; one that I mentioned in the introduction.

Own it! Yas, ladies. Once you’ve discovered your joy in fellatio. Own that $h!t. Show him who has the power and who is in control. You don’t like when he’s grabbing your head or hair? Let him know that hand has to go if he wants things to continue. Want him to move faster or slow down grab him by the hips and guide his body. You hold the pleasure therefore you have the power.

On the contrary, she might be the total opposite of all I just explained and enjoys her man aggressively telling her what to do and how to do it. Kind of like they do in standard porn. Not really my thing but hey it could be hers. Again, communication is key here. Remember, fellatio is not all about HIS pleasure.

If this doesn’t work, Carly gives some amazing BJ tips on After Market Cocks.

This marks the end of the Joys of Fellatio blog series. Let me know how you enjoyed it in the comments and whether you’d be interested in another series. I’m open to receiving ideas. Tomorrow, I will be concluding the series…a summary of sorts. Once again, subscribe, subscribe.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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The Anatomy of Passion

Welcome back to the Joys of Fellatio blog series Day Four: The Anatomy of Passion. Yesterday in Learning the Ropes to Giving Bad A$$ Blow Jobs you learned many things about how I learned and discovered the joys of fellatio. You can catch up on the entire series from the beginning in The Joys of Fellatio Introduction.

The Anatomy of Passion

The student had learned much from her master. Alas, our journey had ended. When my mom found out that I had been with a guy five years my senior, she threatened to have him arrested. I told her it wouldn’t matter because I was the age of consent in the state where we lived. This made mama very furious and of course, I could not go on seeing him. It wasn’t a big deal, but I wanted to know more. I needed to know more.

Lost in a Good Book

As a teenager, I spent my weekends in Barnes & Nobles. One of those weekends, I came across a book, What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex by Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, a female gynecologist. My mom knew I was sexually active and she wasn’t one for sex talks and conversations about boys so of course, she bought me the book and lots of condoms. That was much easier for her.

I still own that book. It taught me all about the male anatomy and of course, techniques on how to give great head, and a ton of other taboo sex stuff that had me totally intrigued, nurturing my inner freak that desperately wanted out but didn’t know much about how to make her debut. This is when I learned it was called fellatio.

I learned about growers and showers. I learned the most sensitive parts to lick and suck; How to use my lips and palate; how to move my tongue and the way to create vibration through low, deep moaning.

If you are a woman who already loves giving head, reading this section may help you learn new techniques. If your man likes oral stimulation, you can give him the ultimate pleasure by learning how to perform masterful fellatio.

 What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex, Dr. Hilda Hutcherson

Love + Passion= Joy

Suddenly I found myself three steps away from becoming a fellatio pro.

Step One: Read the techniques in the book
Step Two: Seduce some unsuspecting teenage boy
Step Three: Bringing him to his knees

It’s funny how I became the girl version of the guys my daddy had taught me to watch out for and I was enjoying the prowl. It was fun while it lasted but I must warn you, they never lasted very long.

I was very good at giving head. My favorite part was teaching a guy about his own sexual anatomy. I’d firmly run my tongue along the soft spongy part underneath the shaft of the penis and ask if he knew what it was called. He didn’t and I was happy to educate him. I was so very careful about whom I allowed to put it in my mouth. Consistently, I chose the introvert, handsome, passionate ones.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

When I met my ex-boyfriend, sparks flew. I couldn’t keep him out of my mouth. I didn’t want to. My passion of fellatio combined with my love of the actual person took oral sex to an entirely new level of joy. Sucking his dick got me so high that whenever I did, the room would spin and he would go crazy. Our energy would collide like planets out of orbit. I knew very well the joys of fellatio but not quite in this way. The energy between us was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. Putting it in my mouth was never a chore.

It was in these moments that I learned orgasm was possible from the simple act of giving pleasure to another. And, that there is so much more to discovering joy in fellatio than just tips and techniques. There is passion and there is power.

Tomorrow is the final day of The Joys of Fellatio blog series and I am serving seven (or more) ways to discover joy in fellatio. I’m excited because it’s not about tips and techniques but more about intimacy and reprogramming. You’re not going to want to miss this.

This post contains an affiliate link to the book What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex. Thank you for reading!

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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