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Sex with Strangers

In the heat of summer on an early Saturday evening, a beautiful woman of few friends and mild social anxiety can be found scrolling the personal ads of her local online classifieds to see what wonders there are to discover: long term relationships, casual encounters, women for men, women for women, women for more women.

She doesn’t find any ad that piques her interest, so she decides to place one of her own. She’s a talented writer with an entrenched love for writing. She fills her ad with poetic symphonies of iambic pentameter; words of truth from her heart. She writes in a way that people placing ads for online personals just don’t write. Not so, “Let’s just cut to the chase.” It’s a waste; nothing there anyway but weirdos and creeps, scammers, sex trafficers, and desperate souls. Oh, but she is neither and yet she is here. She’s just a lonely girl fishing to fill her Saturday night with a bit of fun and fresh delight.

Sex with Strangers

I don’t know about anyone else, but I do enjoy the thought of the occasional risque rendezvous of encounters with strangers; nameless sex in unknown territory. Sometimes it magically morphs into more and those are the times I risk it all for. No pressure. Millenials are indeed recreating the dynamics of relationships.

I’ve met a few friends through the ads of online classifieds. Imagine my devastation when I discovered such a venue no longer exists.

We all do relationships a bit differently from meetings and individual introductions to sexual encounters and all facets of relationships.

This is one way I do or rather did them. Now, SESTA and FOSTA and the entire 45 administration is destroying what I suspect had been a way of doing relationships for many of us introvert, socially awkward and anxious type.

Anonymous Debut

Ever since the internet debuted in my life in the eighth grade, I’ve resorted to late night chat room conversations to keep me entertained in the realm of relationships. I truly enjoy the mystery and vulnerability of it all. Chat room therapy is what I once called it. Pouring out my truest confessions to faceless human persons while sitting nude in dim light gives new meaning to being naked.

I’ll be the first to admit that the potential for sex with a stranger excites me a lot more than actually following through on it. In my head, I romanticize it so much that I’m really just scared it won’t be remotely anything the way I see it in my mind’s eye.

In the words of a close friend of mine, “You can’t expect romance in a one night stand.” 🙄 I’m still not sure where we get such ideas from. Romance is so perfect for one night stands and I’ll tell you why just not today.

Casual Encounters

I’m just concerned that sex with a stranger might be all icky and objectified; sex without the connection.

Although, there was that one time that was quite magical. I had been fantasizing about a mmf (male, male, female) threesome, but there was no one in my life with whom I felt remotely comfortable in carrying out this fantasy with, so I placed my very specific request in the casual encounters section of the online classifieds.

Jay responded.

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I’ve always been wary of mmf encounters because of the stigmas associated with them. There was a recent discussion on Instagram about reprogramming and reconstructing these ideas of multiple men having sex with one women.

I’d had a mmf threesome long ago that I mentioned in my 9 Tips for Her Better Oral Pleasure post. It was an unplanned pleasant experience. I wanted to have that again, but based on the stories I’d heard from other women, my experience was a lucky one; I felt like the probability of it happening again in that positive way was unlikely without some sort of guidance on my part.

Fortunately, Jay understood precisely what I needed and oh boy did he deliver. He and his close friend saw me through multiple selfless, pleasurable, shameless, and stigma-free squirting orgasms.

Would I have been able to have this had it not been for the ease of stranger encounters via online classifieds? Perhaps. Maybe not.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Does “too much” Masturbation Make Me Less Sensitive?

The theme for the last couple of months has been masturbation. It all started in April with the 30-day orgasm fun followed by May’s Masturbation Month. I got to try out a few awesome toys. I am so excited 🤩 to share via my YouTube channel launching this summer 😍.

Go on over and subscribe. It’s going to be wildly entertaining.

So with all of the reviews I have in the works, it is safe to say I have been doing quite a bit of masturbating. Yes, indeed.

Before the 30-day orgasm fun and masturbation month, I had never masturbated this much in my life. And never this consistently. So when someone following me asked whether a woman could become less sensitive due to “overstimulation” from masturbation I had no clue how to answer.

I ended up posting the question on my Instagram for others to answer. The spectrum of responses was so broad, my proposed solution didn’t get me any closer to the truth of whether “too much” masturbation causes you to become less sensitive.

One follower suggested that it might require more stimuli and more work to reach orgasm in the future. Another theory I was testing out for myself.

Now, this is the part where I tell you all about my experience.

For 30 days every single evening, I watched porn and entertained my followers on IG half expecting that each new climax would somehow cause me to become less interested in the next. To make a tall story short, that never happened. With each new climax, I half expected that the next one would take longer to achieve. Nope, that didn’t happen either.

Masturbating every day for 30 days straight using my fingers and a variety of toys did not cause me to become less sensitive.

In fact, I found that I became more in tune with my sensitivity. And by that I mean I learned which spots were more sensitive which methods of stimulation produced greater pleasure sensations in my genitals. Overall I just became more aware of what felt good to me and what brought my body pleasure.

The trajectory of my orgasm was within my complete control. Basically, that means I was able to control what I felt and how I felt based on which toys I used and whether I use my fingers or some other method. I was able to control how long I wanted my pleasure to last and if I didn’t want to take up too much time I knew exactly where to go to induce a 2-minute climax whereas when I first started the fun challenge, it easily took me an average of 8 minutes to reach orgasm.

The sensation of my pleasure did not decrease and I was able to shorten the time it took for me to reach orgasm.

Then came the final test of “too much” masturbation. Would it make it more difficult to reach orgasm during intercourse with a man?

Here’s the thing, whenever I spent all that time masturbating it is easy to assume you might become less interested in sex in general. Typically people talk about masturbation being a replacement for a body either directly or indirectly. I don’t know how anyone else feels about it, but this certainly isn’t true for me.

The more I was masturbating, the more I’d crave human touch, the more I’d wish there was someone enjoying the sexual experience alongside me. Because masturbation with a partner is quite an experience. Once the day arrived to fulfill this craving I was able to have multiple effortless orgasms. They took less time and there were more of them. Mind blown 🤯.

With way more confidence than I’d had before, I was able to tell my partner exactly where to go and exactly what to do for the maximum amount of pleasure. Now assuming you have a partner that takes directions well, this can be a magical experience; by magical I mean the entire constant masturbation for 30 days and then having this mind-blowing sexual experience with your partner afterward.

I did not require more work nor did I require more stimuli to reach orgasm. Specifically for me, I came faster.

And there you have it from me anyway. I encourage you to answer these questions for yourself and discover your own experience. It is beyond worth the journey; one Miss Scarlet describes well of her own masturbation journey.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Adventures in the #30dayORGASMfun

When Tabitha introduced us to the #30dayorgasmfun during the Eroticon meet and greet, I was definitely excited. However, I must admit I wasn’t expecting it to be anything more than just…well, fun. Oh, was I in for a special surprise.

Better Health Orgasms

With the 30 day orgasm fun, I can vouch that orgasms definitely give you a mental health boost. I’ve been feeling a lot less stress even when I’m stressed, if that makes sense.

I had my last therapy session 2 weeks ago, and as I talked with my therapist, I was happy to report no stress, no depression, and an increase in patience (still a work in progress). I am certainly in a better place from a vibrational perspective.

At one point during the challenge, I felt myself coming down with a cold. Who feels like masturbating when you feel like crap!? I did it anyway. I was fully committed to this challenge and thankfully so because it helped my body reject the virus. After only three days, I felt better. Now, I’m not saying that orgasms are the cure to the common cold, I am just telling you about this illustrious experience that I was having. It was pretty amazing.

Toys

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Thanks to Eroticon, I got the opportunity to try out some truly worthy sex toys that you definitely want to subscribe for the reviews to come. I wish I had had more toys to play with however, the lack of toys cause me to be a bit more creative.

As I mentioned in my sex toy Herstory post, I hadn’t had much experience with sex toys. Here was my opportunity to do some self-exploring.

I’ve learned that each sex toy offers a uniquely different experience. In some cases one is not even comparable to another; like the Zumio. It is truly a unique device in the most awesome way. My perspective on toys is very, very different now.

I got to experience some rather large toys, some small toys, dildos, non-penetrating vibrators, rumbly, and buzzy. Between rumbly and buzzy toys, they both give different types of orgasms and I really enjoy both types. They are two very different yet very awesome orgasmic experiences. I got to experience the longest orgasm I have ever had using a toy; 🤯 longest, emphasis on longest.

When time is of the essence

I kept a small journal so I was able to record sessions with different toys, with lube, without lube, in the bath if the toy was submersible. I was even able to record how long some masturbation sessions took.

I noticed that as the month progressed, I was better able to control my orgasms. I was learning more about where I experienced the most pleasure. I can certainly say with pinpoint accuracy that I get most of my pleasure on the right side of my clitoris.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

I learned my spots. I’m still learning my spots and I’m learning how to go directly to those spots instead of spending so much time searching around.

My sessions averaged a little over eight minutes. I did kind of dragged them out a little longer as I learn to control my orgasms because I was indeed having so much orgasm fun. So that may have had a bit of an effect on the average time. 😏

Debunking myths one sex toy induced orgasms at a time…

I have crazy stamina already, but I notice how this fun challenge was increasing my stamina. And I also discovered that even though I was masturbating everyday, I did not become less sensitive. In fact, I became more sensitive; more in touch with my sensitivity (myth debunked).

During this fun challenge I have learned so much about my body and not just my vulva and clitoris. Even though I did get to know them very intimately during this journey.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Self Discovery and Sex Magick

I am a practitioner of sex magick. I’ve been practicing Sex Magick for about 2 years now; 2 years exactly in June. This challenge has been instrumental in bringing my root chakra into alignment and it’s made me realize so many things about how sex directly corresponds to your passion and your desires. Oh my goodness! Such an epiphany has come to me through this fun challenge.

Having an orgasm everyday has made creating and channeling much more productive. I found it easier to focus my intention when I’m manifesting through climax.

Your root chakra is a compass and masturbation helps to calibrate that compass! Guiding you towards your passion. More to come on this in another post.

All the things you desire in life can be sensed by your body on a vibrational level. Everything has a frequency and having an orgasm a day puts you more in tune with that frequency.

This is such an amazing Discovery!

The goal was 30 days of orgasms and I am very proud of my 29 days strong. I did miss one day because of a water bug where the kids sleep. Even though our cat killed it, they were so scared they wanted to sleep in my bed. As you can imagine, I didn’t get to have my orgasm that night😒 but I made up for it big time (and still am)🤣🤣.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Although I did keep a journal, I realize, I did not record as much data as I could have in retrospect. I will definitely be doing this challenge again very soon when my apartment is free of children. There are so many things I want to try; so many toys I want to try; so many places I want to try them.

I mean I just never had a clue that orgasms could be so much more than fun. The 30-day orgasm challenge has definitely been an enlightening experience. I’d like to personally thank Miss Tabitha for coming up with this challenge, for introducing me to this challenge, and for being an amazingly profound woman.

Yes, the 30-day orgasm fun has ended but I don’t want to end it. fortunately for me it’s masturbation month, all May Long.

Confidence is just radiating from the pores of my skin to the gradients of my aura; an orgasm a day is literally giving me life.

A really awesome thing happens when you purchase the products I recommend. I get a small kickback at not cost to you! This post contains links to those awesome products. Click on them to learn more.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Make Her Cumm Without Using Your Tongue

What if more men thought of sex as something you give a woman rather than something you get from a woman? Oh, how different sex might be!

There is a movement among us, a powerful movement sweeping the sexual freedom community. This movement calls for more and better external clitoral stimulation so that women, all women, may enjoy the pleasure of experiencing mind-altering ORGASMS and a higher frequency of said ORGASMS. The movement seems to particularly focused on oral stimulation of the clitoris. Yep, that’s right. Cunnilingus.

As a woman with a clitoris, I love clitoral stimulation and I am all for oral clitoral stimulation. But of course, I still must listen to guys say, “I should not be obligated to eat pussy if I don’t want to.” Same thing we’ve been saying about sucking dick, but I digress. And while I do so reluctantly, I can empathize with this. No one should be obligated to perform any sex act that they don’t desire to perform. However, getting the lady you are with to achieve ORGASM is still your responsibility and moral obligation. Yes, you read that correctly…MORAL OBLIGATION.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- Press Her Button- Clitoral Stimulation

Porn makes it seem like fellatio is a necessity when it comes to sex. We know that isn’t true. At least not from a climaxing perspective, however stimulation of the clitoris is absolutely necessary for many (most) women in order to climax. Mostly, that requires external stimulation most reliably achieved through oral stimulation though not always guaranteed due to a lack of skill.

Why don’t some men like to eat pussy? I don’t know but I’m like 90% certain that it has something to do with their conditioning in regards to the cleanliness of the vulva and vagina as well as menstruation.  I mean, at least from the many conversations I’ve had with guys. Other’s have shared that they can’t get past the taste. There have been a few I’ve been fortunate to persuade otherwise,😏 while others stand firmly by their “I do not eat pussy,” mantra. I guess you can’t win ’em all. 🤷🏾‍♀️

You remember Mike, right? I told you about Mike in my When did you first recognized you needed consent? post. Remember how I told you that I still have the most amazing orgasms with him? #TrueStory In fact, if I’m totally honest he gives me the best ORGASMS I’ve ever had at this stage in my life. Now, I’ll let you in on another secret. Mike has never, in the five years that I’ve known him, perform cunnilingus on me. And as far as I’m concerned, he never has to. I know you’re probably thinking, Whaaaaat? And I’m thinking yaaaaaasss.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- flower opening

Why? How? Firstly, I do not require external stimulation to reach ORGASM. Also because there’s obviously more than one way to stimulate the clitoris. Duh.

I mean I hope we know this. If we don’t, given the primitive way we deal with sex present day, very little surprises me.

I enjoy multiple types of clitoral stimulation that I will be sharing with you in this post. Hopefully, my experience can translate into a positive, more pleasurable experience for you and your vulva toting partner. I share all the details of how Mike makes me cum without ever using his tongue.

Toys.

Toys are not ideal for everyone. I didn’t start out with toys. Toys were not a part of my sex life until later on. Eventually, bullets became my go-to if I couldn’t get the real thing. Or I just didn’t feel like being bothered with the real thing or if the urge hit me instantly and there was no real thing around. So I’ll say I enjoy toys. They get me where I need to be and these days I’m learning to love them even more. Thanks to the #30dayorgasmfun. However, when it comes to sex, I absolutely crave human touch and this, my love, is my greatest dilemma.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- purple vibrator bullet in a gift box

I have been advised not to think of sex toys in this way, but rather as enhancements to your sexual interaction. I must admit that toys are mostly a distraction if I’m not using them alone. Mostly…but then that might be because I’m not doing it right or that I’m using the wrong kind of toys 🤔

Even so, I got into toys because I knew a chic in college who absolutely freaking love them. She was constantly dragging me into novelty stores saying, “Hey, Victoria oh my god you have to try this.” In retrospect, she would have been really, really great at selling sex toys.

Women who love toys do exist and since becoming a sex blogger I’ve met so many and it’s awesome. They’ve certainly ignited a deeper curiosity within me. Not that I ever questioned this possibility; I’ve just had such a limited experience with toys personally.

These days I do enjoy my guy using a toy to stimulate me. It’s always a fun teaching experience that ends with a lot of pleasure because of the intimacy and the laughter. While toys are not my first choice, they are definitely an option for assisting your partner in reaching ORGASM. Good vibes has an excellent selection if you’re looking for a few options right now.

All hands, but mostly fingers, on deck

Do it with your hands. As much as I love masturbating, it is even better when someone else does it for you. There is so much intimacy present as you stare into the face of your lover or enjoy some deep kissing while you bring them pleasure with your fingers and they just erupt in your hand. Ahhhh!

 

First time deliberately making someone cum with your fingers? Here’s my advice based on what I enjoy. Stick to external stimulation only…no fingering. Make sure you wash your hands first and rinse the soap completely. Your call, but consider clipping your nails. Use plenty of lube…no such thing as too much. Go slow…in the words of a well-circulated Meme…Calm down, it’s not a DJ booth. Follow their guided instruction. I know that I can’t help placing my finger over top and guiding the movement and pressure of the stimulation. Sooooo good.

Pay attention to how they respond physically and vocally. I kinda get annoyed if I tap my person and they continue doing the same thing. Even if you don’t know what something means, ask. And if I’m not enjoying it, I get very quiet. Fingerplay is definitely the best. Kissing plus finger play when my person’s a pro….Yaaaaasss.

Way to use your head

Last but certainly not least, men have this amazing ability to do this wonderful external clitoral stimulating thing with… get this, now… the head of their penis. Whoa! Absolute Magic. I would go so far to say pure sorcery. I close my eyes and I can’t tell the difference between the head of his penis and cunnilingus, except his body is pressing on top of mine. That is the only reminder. Once again, lube is your best friend.

Doing this with a nipple in your mouth 🤤. It’s not for everyone, but it’s definitely for me and maybe it might work for you, too. But if you’re new to this, just start out with one at a time. Once you catch a rhythm, jump on in with the second one. It kind of reminds me of double dutch. You got to have some talent and coordination to accomplish these things.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- Tapping head meme

Now, this could present an issue for some because I know for me, I never used to do this type of stimulation because I just didn’t trust the guy I was with to see me through to ORGASM before he tries to put his dick inside my vagina. Thanks to the male privilege that values men’s pleasure over women’s pleasure, men tend to get ahead of themselves and think it’s perfectly acceptable to barge in without consent simply because they’re already so close. No, sir.

Those, my loves, are three ways that I enjoy external clitoral stimulation. No, cunnilingus required. Though highly recommended.

Bonus finger technique: I love this technique. It works super beautifully when I use it on myself and my partners. It’s a technique I discovered accidentally while masturbating one afternoon. With your finger, also works with your tongue or the head of your penis. You simply draw waning and waxing crescent moons over the clitoris over and over and over again.

Final thoughts on the whole, “I don’t eat pussy,” subject.

Just because you prefer not to eat the cookie, does not absolve you of seeing your partner through to a successful and complete ORGASM. They deserve it. #WomensOrgasmsMatter. Besides most vulva owners aren’t concerned about how we get it as long as we get it and the getting is good

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality- twitter poll

Oh and even if you do eat pussy, you can definitely use these to switch things up a bit. Like I said, I thoroughly enjoy all these different ways to climax. They each offer a different kind of experience. 😉

Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this moral obligation. Share your comments and related post links in the comment section below.

A really awesome thing happens when you purchase the products I recommend. I get a small kickback at not cost to you! This post contains links to those awesome products. Click on them to learn more.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Pay Attention to the Pussy

Actor Jordan Tyler for #WomensOrgasmsMatter

Guys….Pay Attention to the Pussy

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard from women that their partners just don’t give the pussy the proper attention. And no, I don’t mean with their dicks. I mean with their tongues. They tell me that they are always expected to suck his dick, but then he doesn’t always go down on them, or if he does, it’s weak.

So guys, here’s a bit of advice….treat that pussy like it’s your last meal. And go down on her first. I’ve actually stopped women from going down on me so I could go down on her first. Now if she’s the more aggressive type and insists on sucking your dick first, by all means let it happen. But take care of her after she’s done.

Women’s orgasms matter. And while I won’t say they matter more than our orgasms, let’s face it….as a guy, I’m going to cum during sex. It’s pretty much a given. 100% of guys will. But we all know women aren’t always that easy to get off. Sure some are, but not all are. So that means we need to do a little work.

And how many women are led to believe that they are to get the guy off first?? I blame society on that, and porn as well, as you see so much male centered porn where she either is faking it or doesn’t ever cum but he does. Well, let’s change that. I’d love to see more female centered porn as well, but that’s a different topic.

Put that woman first…

So when you are with your lady, put her needs first. Go down on her before she does you. Besides, a woman’s orgasm is a beautiful thing. The feeling when you are between her legs and her legs start to go over your shoulders….when they start to shake. When her hands run through your hair and then grab it. When her moans start and her breathing changes. When her hips start to lift up off the bed and her body shakes. It’s absolutely amazing.

If that’s not enough for you, here’s another thing. Virtually every time I’ve done this, she’s responded with so much more enthusiasm afterwards. She’s in the mood much more than if you hadn’t done her first. The blow jobs are better. The sex is better. You got her going and she’s more into it because of it.

So guys….take my advice. Eat more pussy. Eat her first. Make her cum first. Show her that her needs, her orgasms, are just as important as yours.

You’ll thank me for it later 🙂

About Jordan

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Jordan Tyler is male adult model and actor (a nice way of saying he does porn), who has worked across multiple areas of the sex industry. He’s been in porn films, worked as an escort, and performed live shows both on webcam and in person. In addition to these areas, he’s now expanding into blogging, covering various topics from the porn industry to sex and sexuality.

You can connect with Jordan via the links below:

Twitter @jordantylerxxx
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Instagram @model_jordan_tyler

Join the #WomensOrgasmsMatter campaign. Submit your two cents at hellolovely@prettypinklotusbud.org or Contact us.

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Conclusion: The Joys of Fellatio Blog Series

Today marks the conclusion of The Joys of Fellatio blog series in which I took you all on a journey through my personal experience, exposure, and enlightenment to discovering passion in the joy of giving pleasure to another and the power of owning that pleasure. Yes, indeed. For a limited time only while you hold all his glories between your lips, you are the sole proprietor of his sensual pleasure. And of course we all know that with great power comes great responsibility.

Context is Everything

If I have learned nothing of my own experience and a huge part of Emily Nagoski’s message in Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, it’s that context is everything. What is context? Context is the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea, and in terms of which it can be fully understood and assessed; it is the greatest determining factor between “this is wonderful” and “this is awful” especially when it comes to sex.

Do all that you can to build the ideal fellatio loving environment. One that is comfortable, inviting, filled with consent without pressures or expectations. Take your time to imagine and create your ideal context because everyone is not the same.

And while I love giving head, I do realize it is not everyone’s cup of tea. I also realize there may be more to it than “I just don’t like doing it” and it’s up to you to uncover those layers of history you have with fellatio, many of which I am sure were constructed by “social entities” outside of yourself that taught you things like, “Black girls don’t give head,” “Only nasty girls give blow jobs,” or other messages of objectification and degradation. Even things like, the penis is dirty or ugly. I know women who won’t put their face near a penis because they find them all to be hideous; a thing they were certainly taught.

It you missed this week series, don’t worry. You can catch up on it and subscribe so that you never have to miss a single post ever, ever again.

Here, I’ve conveniently listed all the post in the series below:

Day One: I Love Giving Head
Day Two: Words Unspoken
Day Three: Learning the Ropes to Giving Bad A$$ Blow Jobs
Day Four: The Anatomy of Passion
Day Five: 7 Ways to Discover the Joy in Fellatio

Finally, I would like to leave you with two final thoughts on fellatio: Context and Technique
Ideal context is first and foremost. It is also a really, really great to work on your technique. If you don’t have a clue about where to start, here’s an article on tips for an awesome BJ .

 

One very specific thing for the guys who love fellatio; I didn’t mention this during the series however, it is absolutely important in regards to context—performance pressure/the pressure to make a person orgasm by fellatio is a huge context killer. Obliterater. Just FYI.

Thank you all so much for reading this series. I truly hope you enjoyed it and learned great things from it. There are lots of wonderful things in store for future post including prizes (hint, hint). You should subscribe.

If you enjoyed this post, I’m sure you’ll love to know more about cuckolding and what it’s all about.

This post contains affiliates links. Thank you in advance to those who purchase.

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7 Ways to Discover the Joy in Fellatio

Welcome to Day Five of our blog series. Yesterday, we had the pleasure of discovering the anatomy of passion, learning that finding joy in fellatio is much more than learning tips and techniques on how to bring a man to his knees. Although, there is great joy and power in that as well. Be sure to check it out if you missed it.

Seven Ways to Discover the Joy in Fellatio

I’ve heard many stories of women who don’t enjoy fellatio for whatever reason which is just too fucking bad. I’m certain some guy projecting feelings of obligation who refuse to take no for an answer through direct or indirect, non aggressive body language, snuffed the desire right out of her. Perhaps even a sexual trauma she had to endure has left her with a bad taste in her mouth about fellatio.

Every woman is different however, I can relate to a lack of desire to perform the act. My personal lack of desire always arises from a man who might be too presumptuous and aggressive. I know exactly where the penis is located; I don’t need any “guidance”. I also do not care to have the back of my head held in place while a penis is being thrust into my mouth. I got this.

I can totally relate to the eternal turn-off of having unsolicited dick whipped out into your face with the expectation that you should happily slide it into my mouth. With that being said, the suggestions I’ve listed in this post would have a woman like me eager to fulfill my desire to share my joy of fellatio with my guy. Ladies can initiate these suggestions as well should she be interested in finding her own joy in fellatio.

Here goes.

Get reacquainted with the penis. One of biggest pet peeves about adult sex is going in with expectations. How about we not do that for once. How about we truly let “what happens, happen.” Let’s just feel, observe, taste, listen, and smell. Take it all in selflessly without the expectation of sex.

Communication is always my very first go to. As Mrs. Mayweather explains, you may not be there because you aren’t talking about it. Doesn’t always work but you should always try it first. Talk it out. Explore her desires with the goal of uncovering what might have her against the idea of fellatio. Explore your mutual desires. Talk about what you want yet let her know you won’t move on any of those without her green light. In a world of assumptions, reassurance is comforting. Talk about trust, talk about openness, talk intimately about things indirectly related to sex.

Learn together. Learning the male anatomy (and female anatomy) and exploring those parts interactively is a highly intimate engagement. Talking purely from experience here. Allow her to come into her own. Let her touch, rub, feel and explore your penis uninhibited and without pressure to put it in her mouth. A well-lit room, light music, drinks, lots of playful laughter always gets the joys of fellatio flowing.

Put her desires and pleasure first. Let her know you care about how she feels and you want her to feel good. Help her feel relaxed. Keep a bit of distance and allow her to come to you but let her know you’re interested. Anticipation can be quite the mood heightening tool even if there’s no follow through. If she refuses you verbally or through body language accept that without taking it personally, without pressure or continuous inquiry. Most of the time, it’s not about you, and it’s just not worth snuffing out her joy.

Genuinely sweet talk her. Tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her things you honestly enjoy about her unrelated to sex. I have had guys tell me they sense a beautiful soul within me. That guy is more likely to get his dick sucked than some some guy telling me I have nice legs because guys tell me that, too. Once again though, context is everything. Ask her to share her fantasy of cunnilingus: the when, the where, the how. Ask her for all the details. Add to her details, suggest some things that you might do to her. Once she’s done, ASK her whether she minds if you share yours.

During the act, play with her ass and around her pussy; Not IN but AROUND her pussy. Hopefully, you follow the earlier suggestion of putting her pleasure first so that pussy is nice and wet when you go to play with it. It’s not easy to play in dry pussy and it’s honestly a turn-off (for me anyway). Moan loud enough that she can hear you from down there. Let her know how much you’re enjoying it. Tell her you like what she’s doing and be specific about what that is. Tell her how good she is at sucking your dick. Offer her verbal, seductive guidance, rub her back, play in her hair and if you’re on that level, tell her you love her. Let her have her way. She’ll let you have yours soon enough.

It’s praise time. When she’s done, tell her how much you enjoyed her sucking your dick. Grab her face, kiss her deeply, and tell her, “thank you for sucking my dick so good”. And if you make it to intercourse, give her long deep strokes. Squeeze her ass and ask her if she enjoyed sucking your dick. Look her directly in her eyes and tell her she sucked your dick so good. Even if she didn’t; she’ll get better and it will all be worth it.

***BONUS TIP***

I was reminded of to add this tip by my sex blogger buddy, Jordan; one that I mentioned in the introduction.

Own it! Yas, ladies. Once you’ve discovered your joy in fellatio. Own that $h!t. Show him who has the power and who is in control. You don’t like when he’s grabbing your head or hair? Let him know that hand has to go if he wants things to continue. Want him to move faster or slow down grab him by the hips and guide his body. You hold the pleasure therefore you have the power.

On the contrary, she might be the total opposite of all I just explained and enjoys her man aggressively telling her what to do and how to do it. Kind of like they do in standard porn. Not really my thing but hey it could be hers. Again, communication is key here. Remember, fellatio is not all about HIS pleasure.

If this doesn’t work, Carly gives some amazing BJ tips on After Market Cocks.

This marks the end of the Joys of Fellatio blog series. Let me know how you enjoyed it in the comments and whether you’d be interested in another series. I’m open to receiving ideas. Tomorrow, I will be concluding the series…a summary of sorts. Once again, subscribe, subscribe.

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The Anatomy of Passion

Welcome back to the Joys of Fellatio blog series Day Four: The Anatomy of Passion. Yesterday in Learning the Ropes to Giving Bad A$$ Blow Jobs you learned many things about how I learned and discovered the joys of fellatio. You can catch up on the entire series from the beginning in The Joys of Fellatio Introduction.

The Anatomy of Passion

The student had learned much from her master. Alas, our journey had ended. When my mom found out that I had been with a guy five years my senior, she threatened to have him arrested. I told her it wouldn’t matter because I was the age of consent in the state where we lived. This made mama very furious and of course, I could not go on seeing him. It wasn’t a big deal, but I wanted to know more. I needed to know more.

Lost in a Good Book

As a teenager, I spent my weekends in Barnes & Nobles. One of those weekends, I came across a book, What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex by Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, a female gynecologist. My mom knew I was sexually active and she wasn’t one for sex talks and conversations about boys so of course, she bought me the book and lots of condoms. That was much easier for her.

I still own that book. It taught me all about the male anatomy and of course, techniques on how to give great head, and a ton of other taboo sex stuff that had me totally intrigued, nurturing my inner freak that desperately wanted out but didn’t know much about how to make her debut. This is when I learned it was called fellatio.

I learned about growers and showers. I learned the most sensitive parts to lick and suck; How to use my lips and palate; how to move my tongue and the way to create vibration through low, deep moaning.

If you are a woman who already loves giving head, reading this section may help you learn new techniques. If your man likes oral stimulation, you can give him the ultimate pleasure by learning how to perform masterful fellatio.

 What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex, Dr. Hilda Hutcherson

Love + Passion= Joy

Suddenly I found myself three steps away from becoming a fellatio pro.

Step One: Read the techniques in the book
Step Two: Seduce some unsuspecting teenage boy
Step Three: Bringing him to his knees

It’s funny how I became the girl version of the guys my daddy had taught me to watch out for and I was enjoying the prowl. It was fun while it lasted but I must warn you, they never lasted very long.

I was very good at giving head. My favorite part was teaching a guy about his own sexual anatomy. I’d firmly run my tongue along the soft spongy part underneath the shaft of the penis and ask if he knew what it was called. He didn’t and I was happy to educate him. I was so very careful about whom I allowed to put it in my mouth. Consistently, I chose the introvert, handsome, passionate ones.

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When I met my ex-boyfriend, sparks flew. I couldn’t keep him out of my mouth. I didn’t want to. My passion of fellatio combined with my love of the actual person took oral sex to an entirely new level of joy. Sucking his dick got me so high that whenever I did, the room would spin and he would go crazy. Our energy would collide like planets out of orbit. I knew very well the joys of fellatio but not quite in this way. The energy between us was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. Putting it in my mouth was never a chore.

It was in these moments that I learned orgasm was possible from the simple act of giving pleasure to another. And, that there is so much more to discovering joy in fellatio than just tips and techniques. There is passion and there is power.

Tomorrow is the final day of The Joys of Fellatio blog series and I am serving seven (or more) ways to discover joy in fellatio. I’m excited because it’s not about tips and techniques but more about intimacy and reprogramming. You’re not going to want to miss this.

This post contains an affiliate link to the book What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex. Thank you for reading!

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Learning the Ropes to Giving Bad A$$ Blow Jobs

Welcome back. Yesterday in the Words Unspoken post I talked about why I had never spoken the words “I Love Giving Head.” A lot of if has to do with slut-shaming and misogyny surrounding feminine sexuality. Make sure you check it out if you missed it.

Learning the Ropes

My very first memory of giving head was such a wonderful one which is likely a contributing factor to why I enjoy it so much today. This guy was unlike any other I’d ever been with. Although at the time, that wasn’t very many at all. There was not a place on my body that he considered off limits for his hands or mouth. He was doing rimjobs before it was even “a thing” and I was here for it all yet I didn’t even know it until the moment he did them. From oral to anal to exhibitionism and his sexy foot fetish, he opened me up to a flood of new sexual experience leading me to discover that I am a mermaid. Not a fish out of water at all. . .

Ready and Willing

He loved to face plant in my pussy; whether he loved it or he loved the way I loved it, I’m still not sure. One day he asked me if I enjoyed giving head. I said yeah even though I had never done it before. I certainly wanted to. I was willing. I was ready. I’m a “try anything once” kinda girl. If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t do it again; simple as that. However that was certainly not the case. I loved it and so did he. I was a natural, born to do this, pro status on my debut kind of woman. I took him in like a breath of fresh air.

He would tell me that some girls acted like they didn’t like it even when they did. I knew what he meant. Some girls I’d known who enjoyed it were embarrassed to admit it out of fear of slut-shaming or a feeling of obligation that I mentioned in Words Unspoken.

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Student and the Master

He could tell I enjoyed it and that made him enjoy it even more. He taught me so much about how to give [him] great head. Tips and techniques that I learned worked well on almost any man. He taught me to wiggle my ass when giving head and how to rock my head back and forth as I moved it in and out of my mouth. He taught me the one and the two hand twist and how to take it far back without gagging, but that gagging was cool too because it produced more saliva. And he always reminded me to watch my teeth. Most importantly, he taught me how to communicate my own desires, which can sometimes seem unwelcomed in the sexual arena as Amelia explains in her article, How to talk about sex more playfully. I recall that he’d scold me when I wouldn’t tell him that I wasn’t enjoying something, saying, “How am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me?”

I could tell that teaching me was sometimes frustrating for him but nevertheless rewarding. I’ve always been good at following instructions well.

He had me watching a Karrine “Supahead” Steffans porn video once. As Kristen will tell you, porn is not sex ed. I am also keenly against using porn as a source of education when it comes to sex but I must admit this works for guys. Probably because lots of guys have watched videos of her I’m sure.

Making Magic


I loved giving him head. I loved pleasing him orally because he made great efforts to please me in that very same way. That still holds true for me today regardless of who I’m with. Being self-less during intercourse is one of the sexiest things a person can be to me. I am more willing to give when I see that great efforts are made in giving to me. This is when the magic happens.

Thanks for reading today’s post. In tomorrow’s post, The Anatomy of Passion, I plan to talk about how my desire turned into an obsession of power and the joy I derived from making guys weak at the knee with my “oral fixation”. Remember to subscribe.

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Words Unspoken

Welcome to Day Two of The Joys of Fellatio blog series: Words Unspoken. Yesterday, I told you all about my special playmate in, I Love Giving Head, who allowed me to satiate my curiosity and interest in the male anatomy, and I previewed a bit about what we would talk about today. Here goes everything.

Words Unspoken

When I initially got the idea for this series, I wrote out the topic, I love giving head, and as I read those words, I realized I’d never spoken them out loud before- knowing they are 100 percent true; knowing they have been true since my very first opportunity to give oral pleasure to a man.

It’s not for everyone. Yet when you say these words out loud to others, this is precisely the assumption. It is automatically assumed that because you love giving head, you’d love to do it for anyone who asks, and you’d do it for everyone who asks essentially, when this could not possibly be farther from my truth.

Terms and Conditions Apply

Guys who haven’t got a chance in hell (mostly because it doesn’t exist) suddenly believe they do. The context and the conditions must be ideal for me. After all, I give head for my own personal joy, and as much as the guy might be enjoying it, I give fellatio primarily for my pleasure based on my desire to give and not anyone’s desire to receive. Yes, selfish, I know

As much as I love it, giving head is very special to me.

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Consider something you love, no matter what it is because we tend to believe sex is different when really it’s not. We’ve been duped into believing it can somehow become lesser through our actions which is a total myth. It is just as sacred and as coveted as anything else we love or care for deeply, no matter how one might present it; prude, slut, or anything in between.

Any way, whatever it is that you love, you might also love to share it with others. Perhaps having the opportunity to share what you love expounds upon that love which makes it even more enjoyable. You love camping; You don’t camp all the time; you don’t camp just anywhere; you only enjoy camping with others who enjoy camping for the same reasons you do.

Well, I don’t share my love of giving head with everyone in that very same way. I believe this assumption has much to do with misogyny being ingrained. Something we desperately need to overcome as Isabelle talks about in Can We Overcome Misogyny.

You can learn a lot more about misogyny and how to spot it from Ani at The Story of A.

An Act of Endearment

On a large scale, sex and this includes oral sex has become hugely objectified; reduced to a simple act of physical pleasure and nothing more. I choose not to share something I enjoy endearingly on such a shallow premise.

During sex, I’ve had a guy ask me whether I enjoy giving head in which case I simply answer yes or no. Yet, I’d never before even uttered the sentence, I love giving head. I prefer to answer under individual circumstances. If I’ve learned nothing from reading Emily Nagoski’s Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, it’s that context is everything when it comes to sexual preferences; the things that make you go and things that make you stop.

That way, it is never assumed that sucking your dick is automatic. FRIES remember FRIES. Just because I love giving head does not necessarily mean I love giving you head or that I even want to or that just cause I’m in the mood for intercourse, means I’m also in the mood to give (or receive oral sex) because sometimes, that is just not the case. Just because one loves to do a thing does not mean they want to do it at every opportunity placed before them. That is also a myth. You know what they say about too much of a good thing.

Thank you all for tuning in to today’s post in The Joys of Fellatio blog series. Tomorrow’s post is all about Learning the Ropes in which I talk about the very first time I performed oral sex on a guy and the things I learned from that experience. Please remember to subscribe.

This post contains an affiliate link to the book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. Thanks for reading!

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I Love Giving Head

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Welcome to The Joys of Fellatio blog series Day One: I Love Giving Head. Yesterday, I posted a brief Introduction which includes an index of sorts on what would be covered over the next few day of this delicious blog series that I had so much fun writing and I hope you will enjoy reading it just as much.

I Love Giving Head

I love giving head. Let me rewind a bit… I love penis. And I don’t only mean in a manner of sexual pleasure. I love the way it looks circumcised or uncircumcised. I love the shape of it; the way it feels; the way it changes shape growing in my hand as I stroke it slowly. I like the way it comes in various shapes and sizes; the way my hand fits more around some than it does around others, or how some require two hands to cover from base to tip; others one and a half and others only one. Not only their design, I love their purpose and the way the purpose and design have the ability to combine so eloquently to induce succulent two-way pleasure, resulting in a symphony of orgasm.

Nevermind that after such a session of admiration, said penis almost always inevitably ends up in my mouth. However, that is usually not my goal. Even so, this adds to my joy as I compare the feel of the penis cupped in my hand (or gripped inside my vagina) to the way it feels as it slides slowly between my lips and across my tongue to graze the back of my throat.

Will You Play with Me?

When I was a young teen I knew a boy. He’d let me play with his penis. We didn’t particularly have any romantic involvement per se. We were friends. He lived nearby. It was a match of convenience more than anything. Of course, there are no coincidences in life.

I loved playing with his penis and he willingly allowed me to satiate my curiosity requiring nothing from me. I recall that he thought I was the weirdest girl, but he’d let me do it anyway with no expectation of sex.

I’d touch and stroke his penis sometimes so focused on every little detail of it, and other times I’d just daydream without intention. I’d stroke him until semen erupted from his shaft out of the head of his penis and flow slowly down the back of my hand. I’d watch in pure fascination, as his penis returned to its original flaccid state. In many ways, it was more of an enlightening experience of intimacy than a sexual one.

I later learned it is called a hand job.

He’d ask me if it bothered me to have “cum” on my hand. I’d tell him not at all then I’d ask him, why.  He’d told me some girls would respond with “Ewww, what’s that” or some other kind of yuck reaction.

We did eventually make our sexual debut together. I asked him, mostly from a place of comfort and curiosity. As I mentioned before, we weren’t romantically involved. The first time we ever kissed was the day we met up for our planned sexual debut. I remember thinking, I didn’t realize he was so much taller than me. I’m sure I’ll get around to telling you all about it in another post.

The Flip Side of the Coin

Even when one loves giving head, there is so much in this world of patriarchy and misogyny designed to take that away, leaving one to feel dirty and subpar. Things like slut-shaming and public degradation; too often I’ve seen guys expose a girl in an attempt to devalue her for doing something she enjoys. Then there are the most heinous stories of the unwarranted act of being forced to perform fellatio which could possibly strip one of all joy and satisfaction they may have gotten from it before. It’s time to end that and as Nell puts it, turn the walk of shame into the stride of pride.

Fortunately, this is not a part of my story.

Tomorrow’s post, Words Unspoken, will talk more about the thing of patriarchy and such that makes one reluctant to announce to others that he or she loves to give head. It’s the same reason that body count is such an issue when it shouldn’t be as Teena explains in her article, How Many Sexual Partners Have You Had. You definitely do not want to miss it. My best advice; subscribe, subscribe.

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The Joys of Fellatio Blog Series

Do you love giving blow jobs? I certainly do, and over the next seven days (including this one) I would like to take you all on a journey through the conception, birth, growth and development of my pleasures in giving head in this Joys of Fellatio blog series.

As with other things I publish here on my blog, my goal is that those reading will learn something new and insightful from my personal experience with oral sex and quite possibly awaken some new desire within themselves.

We’ll, soon dive deep into the wonders and pitfalls of genuinely enjoying fellatio but first, this brief introduction:

What is fellatio?

Here’s a definition for fellatio I found on sex-lexis.com which includes a fun fact as well:

stimulation of the penis with the lips , tongue and mouth by a male or female partner for sexual pleasure or for orgasmand ejaculation . A distinction, now obsolete, was once made in Latin and old English between fellatio and irrumatio depending on who was actively moving: irrumatio meant to thrust the penis into the partner’s mouth , fellatio meant to move the head and mouth up-and-down around the penis . This distinction has vanished in modern English and the word irrumation has almost completely fallen out of use.

To get better aquainted with fellatio and oral sex in general, check out this brief video by Life Sexual.

“Men love receiving oral sex because they are able to just lie back and enjoy without any performance anxiety. They can watch, too, and since they are the stars of the show, it’s a better turn-on than any porno flick. Women get their own sense of pleasure from fellatio. “I feel powerful when I give a blow joy,” one of my colleagues told me. “At no other time do I feel such complete control of my partner’s pleasure.” She shares the sentiments of many other women who like the feeling of power they get from having his most prized possession between their lips. Some women find it very arousing to watch their partners enjoy their oral mastery.”

What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex by Hilda Hutcherson, M.D.

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What’s in it for me?

When it comes to sex in general, I am a giver but not right off the bat. Very little dejects me more than a selfish lover; one who does not realize the maximum potential of their own pleasure is directly linked to mine. Essentially, the more you give to me the better it turns out for you.

Other than that, it is just as the quote mentions above, I derive great power from being in complete control of my partner’s pleasure. I love praise kink. I want to hear my lover moan and tell me what a good job I’m going. This point is made even clearer from the male perspective as Modern Mandingo recounts his own joys of receiving amazing fellatio.
Fun Fact about me: I like it slow. I like it sensual. I like it sloppy, but no, I do not swallow.

In the upcoming days here’s a summary of the things we will cover in this blog series: The Joys of Fellatio.

Day One: I Love Giving Head is a brief history of my acquaintance with the penis and how my love for it was born. Which may be surprising for some, because there are certain things that black women just don’t do, Six according to Kiarra at Blackgirlsvibe, and giving head is one of them.

Day Two: In Words Unspoken, I talk about how difficult it is to have a conversation with a mouth full of penis. I’m only joking. Actually it talks about the reason why I had never before said the words, “I Love Giving Head,” out loud.

Day Three: Learning the Ropes is about the first time I ever performed fellatio and how I learned to do what I enjoy and enjoy what I do.

Day Four: The Anatomy of Passion talks about how my desires to give fellatio evolved into an obsession of sorts and then into a passion which eventually resulted in uninhibited joy once I allowed myself to openly explore it.

Day Five: On the last day of the blog series, I will offer Seven Ways to Discover The Joys of Fellatio. Bare in mind that all women are different, but if you know your lady then you know whether any of these suggestions might work for you. It might even teach you that you have a lot more to learn about her.

Finally, I will end the series with a smooth Conclusion: The Joys of Fellatio that will be greatly influenced by the feedback I receive throughout the series along the way. So be sure to leave comments and share the posts with your tribe because I definitely would like to know your thoughts.

Enjoy!

This post contains an affiliate link to the book,What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex through which I will receive a small commission if purchased. So I’d like to thank those who do.

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Love or Lust

If you’ve read my blog, then you already know I love sex. What you probably didn’t know is that I also love poetry. From time to time when I’m feeling inspired, I enjoy writing poetry as well. After all, sex is poetry in motion, right.

It being April, National Poetry Month, I’d like to share this rare side of myself; this poem that I wrote. Enjoy!

Love or Lust

What is it about you, this attraction? It makes me forget the ways of this world.
I am drawn to you as we embrace in a kiss, I forget.

I forget that I was supposed to make you wait.
To let you ask me out on a date.
Somehow this, this just feels like fate.
Like we were meant to mate.

In the primitive way that predates time.
When our preoccupations with our mannerisms didn’t consume our mind.
If only we’d choose to strip away this mask, what would we find.

Humanity in heat.
Standing naked, bare feet. . .
to the ground
becoming one with the sound. . .
of a heartbeat.

We dance in that rhythmic way we once knew
before things became new.

Mixing energy,
a perfectly balanced chemistry or
like an anemone;
wild, brilliant, and free.

A biological attraction of love or lust?
Perhaps the perfect combination of both.

What is it about you that makes my vulva swell like the evening tide.
That makes me want to climb on top as I slide you inside.
I scream in passion as I arch my spine,
my body twists with pleasure as your eyes meet mine.
I dig my nails into your back and you yell out in pain.
My love showers you like a monsoon rain.
Passion, pleasure, pain. Passion, pleasure, pain. Passion, pleasure, pain.
Passion pleasure pain. Passion pleasure pain. Passion pleasure pain.

It all becomes a blur.
A blood rushing, juices gushing, no one shushing blur.

Let us be loud.
Let us soar high as our judgement clouds.

Our breath, our bodies, hot, wet, mangled.
I love it when we dance in this way and get tangled
in pure ecstasy
that requires no nominal fee,
no college degree,
nothing that we should be
except Be. . .
nothing require except you and me.

What is it about this attraction that makes me want to abandon my inhibition.
To lose myself in blind ambition.
To journey into nothingness and find what I’ve been missing.

To embark on this mission reaching new orgasmic heights
when nights become days and days blend into the nights.

I want to forget all of the things I think I know
Exploring the part of myself I’d dare go
extending into the beyond as we explore the sensuality below.

Between you, between me, between legs and lips,
feeling the pulse as we thrust our hips.

As we stare into the eyes of the universe,
we play the parts of a script unrehearsed.

“The Passion of Life”

I’ve been where others fear most to go
because I don’t want to be afraid, I only want to grow. . .

more in this light, more in this love, more in this lust if you must.

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