I was 28 years old before I had a complete understanding of what is sexual coercion. I remember driving my grandmother to her general physician. There were pockets of pamphlets lined up on the wall talking about everything from pregnancy, to depression, exercising and other things. Among those pamphlets, there was one that read, “What is sexual coercion?” I grabbed it immediately and stuffed it into my purse to read later.
To love someone with HIV was the most painful experience in my life. You’d think I was the one who had been diagnosed.
But why, why was it such a painful experience? There have been so many medical advances when it comes to HIV and AIDS that such a diagnoses is no longer the death sentence it was once thought to be. Today, persons diagnosed with the virus can look forward to living long and prosperous lives. Am I right?
You couldn’t be more wrong. From a perspective of physical health, that is true, because of medical advances, some persons diagnosed with HIV can live healthy lives. We’ve even made advanced steps towards prevention with PrEP (coming soon in generic form). For others, this is not so. From a social perspective, an HIV diagnoses can absolutely become a death sentence; one of shame, of guilt, and of discrimination. The stigma of HIV is now more dangerous than the actual virus itself. Not just to physical health, but psychological well being most of all.
What exactly is a pussy scam?
A pussy scam is when a person, usually a cisgender man offers to do something nice for another person, usually a cisgender woman, with the expectation of sex being the reward of a supposedly genuine gesture of kindness. In many cases, he might offer to do a favor, fulfill a need, complete a task, take her out, or buy her something like dinner and drinks.
Pussy scams are so rampant that women often turn down kind offers from men because we feel like sex is more than likely the expectation. I mean, especially if you like a guy. You’re so reluctant to ask of anything or accept any offers because you don’t want to be disappointed.
It’s like, “Oh, here’s this guy who barely knows me, being so sweet and offering to do all these nice things.” Then you ask yourself cynically, “Ok, what does he want.” Answer, “The only thing that he knows you have for sure.”
Since launching my blog in February, I have been so delighted to tell people that I am a sex blogger. And as I watch my growing subscribers and social media followers I am excited that people actually enjoy reading about the things that I write. Even though I only just launched in February, this blog has been years in the making.
Embracing my non-monogamous self has been a long road of heartache: lies, guilt, broken trust, and a seemingly endless amount of tears. It has been a battle within myself as well as outside of myself.
Imagine in almost every relationship you’ve ever been in, constantly being told that you’re wrong, dishonest, a liar, a cheater, selfish, disloyal, or weird all because you desire to be with or love more than one person at a time. Imagine constantly being threatened that you have to choose only one or you’re going to end up alone. Welcome to my life.
For me, to be sexually empowered means owning all aspects of your sexuality, acknowledging the oneness of your mind, body, and spirit in every sexual encounter, and ALWAYS putting your desires and well-being first. Sexual empowerment means never avoiding the conversation. It means openly exploring desires without judgment. It means putting your health and your personal values first. It means embracing all the things that shape your sexuality.
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