Signs of Men I’ve Loved

Spending this last week with my love has me thinking about all the men I love and connecting the dots of what they all might have in common. I absolutely love the way we do relationships in a variety of ways including this way as expressed by May More.

One thing I’ve noticed is that I’m forever falling for society’s weirdos. The ones that have been called “Gay” “weird” “Black Sheep” etc. They move differently; all of them sensing or sensitive type. I would even venture so far as to say they are all Empaths like me… Perhaps.

As we all know by now if you follow this blog, I am polyamorous. When I fall in love, I don’t fall out or at least I never have. I might grow apart from the person I love, however to this day I love them still. I think about them often and some are still in my life. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

One thing I love about me is that I love in the moment and without attachment. If my journey with the someone I love has ended, I accepted it as such because I know I can never lose that love. They may have brought it out, but that love originates in me. At its source, love is infinite.

So without further Ado let’s get into this, shall we.

The sign of the first guy I ever loved at 14 years old. Yeah, I know too young blah blah. Yet, here I am at 32 still claiming him as my love and he claims me as well. We know what it is… anywho.

Leo a fire sign— what did I love about this guy. First of all, needless to say weirdo 😆. He was/is a “fuck you looking at” class clown type to make me laugh until my stomach hurt. I love the things he said about me; the way he talked about me to other people when I wasn’t around.

The messages would always get back to me. In my head, I would be like, “Aww, he said that about me.”

I’ve always expressed my love through touch and words of affirmation. I like writing letters and almost every man I love his gotten a letter in some form from me.

Today, I’m learning that my love is actually in writing down my feelings.

Next up, the Sagittarius. I fell in love with how this man was on a mission to find out who I was before ever approaching me. He interviewed a couple of folks from my neighborhood. I thought it was the cutest thing ever. I also love the way he’d stare at my lips and into my eyes as I was talking while actually listening because you know I test for these things 😆. Again, he was constantly verbally expressing what he loves about me and why he loves me. What can I say, I love hearing beautiful honest and unusual things about myself. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Next up, another Sag. He once said to me, “You are so beautiful.” I said, “I know.” He responded, “No, you don’t have a clue.” I knew in that moment that he could see who I am. He took such care with me. He was corny level hilarious and I was partly laughing with him and at him at the same time. He’d often share the private men-folk conversations that were being had about me. People didn’t know we were dating so he enjoyed listening to the conversations. We’d laugh about them later.

If you’re noticing, all of my lovers so far have been Fire signs, but this one is a Cancer.😭 My first water sign. Seeing him cry was a beautiful experience. It’s funny now because the interwebs are always talking about Cancers the criers.

I’d rarely seen men cry outside of the death of a loved one. I loved his effort. His willingness to step outside his comfort zone. So sensitive 😍, verbally expressive of his love for me, very protective of me, defending my honor when I wasn’t there to speak for myself. You know the type.

Them : Shut up, you just saying that cuz you like her.
Him: So

I love a man with integrity. Obviously here in lies a trend. He could read me like a book and I loved it because it meant he was paying attention, close attention to the things I didn’t say.

Water sign once again, this time a Scorpio. This one doesn’t do much talking, but his expression towards me and to the things I say are everything. His smile, his eyes, his laugh, his eyebrows say it all. The way he reacts to me, staring at me when I’m asleep, and kissing me awake. The Cancer would do these things as well. All the PDA is my fave. He once made me a mixtape. It was actually a CD; mixtape just sounds better.

He loves to kiss. ‘Kisses all ova’ is what he text me. The way each of them expresses his love is what I seem to be falling in love with.

And Sagittarius is up once again. Could you guess that he’s a clown; silly and sensitive. Fire signs aren’t known for being sensitive, but they are… at least the ones I’ve dated. His words, his integrity… very protective of me and he expressed his love for me through the care of my children and of course of me. He was so selfless in his love for us. I never experienced that before; Even being married.

Then there was a Pisces; the briefest love affair I’ve ever experienced… I’m still in love with the magic of how it all went down. When we touched, energy surged through my body. I never had such a physical reaction to someone before. It was instant and we were inseparable for about 36 hours give or take. Once again, protective of me always in a chivalrous way. The way he talked about me with his mother 😍 He is super silly, resourceful, talented, skilled and also a clown.

They’ve all been the resourceful and very family oriented: home, children, siblings. I tend to attract men with historically (not scientifically) feminine characteristics.

Some might say that I couldn’t possibly have been in love that many times, but I say love is a friend that I’d recognized anywhere and it was so easy to identify in these men that I love.

These are all the signs of the men I love. What patterns do you notice? People boast of falling in love twice in their lifetime or three times. I guess I’m lucky in love; currently at 7. Oh My polyamorous 💓.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Sex with Strangers

In the heat of summer on an early Saturday evening, a beautiful woman of few friends and mild social anxiety can be found scrolling the personal ads of her local online classifieds to see what wonders there are to discover: long term relationships, casual encounters, women for men, women for women, women for more women.

She doesn’t find any ad that piques her interest, so she decides to place one of her own. She’s a talented writer with an entrenched love for writing. She fills her ad with poetic symphonies of iambic pentameter; words of truth from her heart. She writes in a way that people placing ads for online personals just don’t write. Not so, “Let’s just cut to the chase.” It’s a waste; nothing there anyway but weirdos and creeps, scammers, sex trafficers, and desperate souls. Oh, but she is neither and yet she is here. She’s just a lonely girl fishing to fill her Saturday night with a bit of fun and fresh delight.

Sex with Strangers

I don’t know about anyone else, but I do enjoy the thought of the occasional risque rendezvous of encounters with strangers; nameless sex in unknown territory. Sometimes it magically morphs into more and those are the times I risk it all for. No pressure. Millenials are indeed recreating the dynamics of relationships.

I’ve met a few friends through the ads of online classifieds. Imagine my devastation when I discovered such a venue no longer exists.

We all do relationships a bit differently from meetings and individual introductions to sexual encounters and all facets of relationships.

This is one way I do or rather did them. Now, SESTA and FOSTA and the entire 45 administration is destroying what I suspect had been a way of doing relationships for many of us introvert, socially awkward and anxious type.

Anonymous Debut

Ever since the internet debuted in my life in the eighth grade, I’ve resorted to late night chat room conversations to keep me entertained in the realm of relationships. I truly enjoy the mystery and vulnerability of it all. Chat room therapy is what I once called it. Pouring out my truest confessions to faceless human persons while sitting nude in dim light gives new meaning to being naked.

I’ll be the first to admit that the potential for sex with a stranger excites me a lot more than actually following through on it. In my head, I romanticize it so much that I’m really just scared it won’t be remotely anything the way I see it in my mind’s eye.

In the words of a close friend of mine, “You can’t expect romance in a one night stand.” 🙄 I’m still not sure where we get such ideas from. Romance is so perfect for one night stands and I’ll tell you why just not today.

Casual Encounters

I’m just concerned that sex with a stranger might be all icky and objectified; sex without the connection.

Although, there was that one time that was quite magical. I had been fantasizing about a mmf (male, male, female) threesome, but there was no one in my life with whom I felt remotely comfortable in carrying out this fantasy with, so I placed my very specific request in the casual encounters section of the online classifieds.

Jay responded.

art by tinamariaelena

I’ve always been wary of mmf encounters because of the stigmas associated with them. There was a recent discussion on Instagram about reprogramming and reconstructing these ideas of multiple men having sex with one women.

I’d had a mmf threesome long ago that I mentioned in my 9 Tips for Her Better Oral Pleasure post. It was an unplanned pleasant experience. I wanted to have that again, but based on the stories I’d heard from other women, my experience was a lucky one; I felt like the probability of it happening again in that positive way was unlikely without some sort of guidance on my part.

Fortunately, Jay understood precisely what I needed and oh boy did he deliver. He and his close friend saw me through multiple selfless, pleasurable, shameless, and stigma-free squirting orgasms.

Would I have been able to have this had it not been for the ease of stranger encounters via online classifieds? Perhaps. Maybe not.

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Conclusion: The Joys of Fellatio Blog Series

Today marks the conclusion of The Joys of Fellatio blog series in which I took you all on a journey through my personal experience, exposure, and enlightenment to discovering passion in the joy of giving pleasure to another and the power of owning that pleasure. Yes, indeed. For a limited time only while you hold all his glories between your lips, you are the sole proprietor of his sensual pleasure. And of course we all know that with great power comes great responsibility.

Context is Everything

If I have learned nothing of my own experience and a huge part of Emily Nagoski’s message in Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, it’s that context is everything. What is context? Context is the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea, and in terms of which it can be fully understood and assessed; it is the greatest determining factor between “this is wonderful” and “this is awful” especially when it comes to sex.

Do all that you can to build the ideal fellatio loving environment. One that is comfortable, inviting, filled with consent without pressures or expectations. Take your time to imagine and create your ideal context because everyone is not the same.

And while I love giving head, I do realize it is not everyone’s cup of tea. I also realize there may be more to it than “I just don’t like doing it” and it’s up to you to uncover those layers of history you have with fellatio, many of which I am sure were constructed by “social entities” outside of yourself that taught you things like, “Black girls don’t give head,” “Only nasty girls give blow jobs,” or other messages of objectification and degradation. Even things like, the penis is dirty or ugly. I know women who won’t put their face near a penis because they find them all to be hideous; a thing they were certainly taught.

It you missed this week series, don’t worry. You can catch up on it and subscribe so that you never have to miss a single post ever, ever again.

Here, I’ve conveniently listed all the post in the series below:

Day One: I Love Giving Head
Day Two: Words Unspoken
Day Three: Learning the Ropes to Giving Bad A$$ Blow Jobs
Day Four: The Anatomy of Passion
Day Five: 7 Ways to Discover the Joy in Fellatio

Finally, I would like to leave you with two final thoughts on fellatio: Context and Technique
Ideal context is first and foremost. It is also a really, really great to work on your technique. If you don’t have a clue about where to start, here’s an article on tips for an awesome BJ .


One very specific thing for the guys who love fellatio; I didn’t mention this during the series however, it is absolutely important in regards to context—performance pressure/the pressure to make a person orgasm by fellatio is a huge context killer. Obliterater. Just FYI.

Thank you all so much for reading this series. I truly hope you enjoyed it and learned great things from it. There are lots of wonderful things in store for future post including prizes (hint, hint). You should subscribe.

If you enjoyed this post, I’m sure you’ll love to know more about cuckolding and what it’s all about.

This post contains affiliates links. Thank you in advance to those who purchase.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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7 Ways to Discover the Joy in Fellatio

Welcome to Day Five of our blog series. Yesterday, we had the pleasure of discovering the anatomy of passion, learning that finding joy in fellatio is much more than learning tips and techniques on how to bring a man to his knees. Although, there is great joy and power in that as well. Be sure to check it out if you missed it.

Seven Ways to Discover the Joy in Fellatio

I’ve heard many stories of women who don’t enjoy fellatio for whatever reason which is just too fucking bad. I’m certain some guy projecting feelings of obligation who refuse to take no for an answer through direct or indirect, non aggressive body language, snuffed the desire right out of her. Perhaps even a sexual trauma she had to endure has left her with a bad taste in her mouth about fellatio.

Every woman is different however, I can relate to a lack of desire to perform the act. My personal lack of desire always arises from a man who might be too presumptuous and aggressive. I know exactly where the penis is located; I don’t need any “guidance”. I also do not care to have the back of my head held in place while a penis is being thrust into my mouth. I got this.

I can totally relate to the eternal turn-off of having unsolicited dick whipped out into your face with the expectation that you should happily slide it into my mouth. With that being said, the suggestions I’ve listed in this post would have a woman like me eager to fulfill my desire to share my joy of fellatio with my guy. Ladies can initiate these suggestions as well should she be interested in finding her own joy in fellatio.

Here goes.

Get reacquainted with the penis. One of biggest pet peeves about adult sex is going in with expectations. How about we not do that for once. How about we truly let “what happens, happen.” Let’s just feel, observe, taste, listen, and smell. Take it all in selflessly without the expectation of sex.

Communication is always my very first go to. As Mrs. Mayweather explains, you may not be there because you aren’t talking about it. Doesn’t always work but you should always try it first. Talk it out. Explore her desires with the goal of uncovering what might have her against the idea of fellatio. Explore your mutual desires. Talk about what you want yet let her know you won’t move on any of those without her green light. In a world of assumptions, reassurance is comforting. Talk about trust, talk about openness, talk intimately about things indirectly related to sex.

Learn together. Learning the male anatomy (and female anatomy) and exploring those parts interactively is a highly intimate engagement. Talking purely from experience here. Allow her to come into her own. Let her touch, rub, feel and explore your penis uninhibited and without pressure to put it in her mouth. A well-lit room, light music, drinks, lots of playful laughter always gets the joys of fellatio flowing.

Put her desires and pleasure first. Let her know you care about how she feels and you want her to feel good. Help her feel relaxed. Keep a bit of distance and allow her to come to you but let her know you’re interested. Anticipation can be quite the mood heightening tool even if there’s no follow through. If she refuses you verbally or through body language accept that without taking it personally, without pressure or continuous inquiry. Most of the time, it’s not about you, and it’s just not worth snuffing out her joy.

Genuinely sweet talk her. Tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her things you honestly enjoy about her unrelated to sex. I have had guys tell me they sense a beautiful soul within me. That guy is more likely to get his dick sucked than some some guy telling me I have nice legs because guys tell me that, too. Once again though, context is everything. Ask her to share her fantasy of cunnilingus: the when, the where, the how. Ask her for all the details. Add to her details, suggest some things that you might do to her. Once she’s done, ASK her whether she minds if you share yours.

During the act, play with her ass and around her pussy; Not IN but AROUND her pussy. Hopefully, you follow the earlier suggestion of putting her pleasure first so that pussy is nice and wet when you go to play with it. It’s not easy to play in dry pussy and it’s honestly a turn-off (for me anyway). Moan loud enough that she can hear you from down there. Let her know how much you’re enjoying it. Tell her you like what she’s doing and be specific about what that is. Tell her how good she is at sucking your dick. Offer her verbal, seductive guidance, rub her back, play in her hair and if you’re on that level, tell her you love her. Let her have her way. She’ll let you have yours soon enough.

It’s praise time. When she’s done, tell her how much you enjoyed her sucking your dick. Grab her face, kiss her deeply, and tell her, “thank you for sucking my dick so good”. And if you make it to intercourse, give her long deep strokes. Squeeze her ass and ask her if she enjoyed sucking your dick. Look her directly in her eyes and tell her she sucked your dick so good. Even if she didn’t; she’ll get better and it will all be worth it.


I was reminded of to add this tip by my sex blogger buddy, Jordan; one that I mentioned in the introduction.

Own it! Yas, ladies. Once you’ve discovered your joy in fellatio. Own that $h!t. Show him who has the power and who is in control. You don’t like when he’s grabbing your head or hair? Let him know that hand has to go if he wants things to continue. Want him to move faster or slow down grab him by the hips and guide his body. You hold the pleasure therefore you have the power.

On the contrary, she might be the total opposite of all I just explained and enjoys her man aggressively telling her what to do and how to do it. Kind of like they do in standard porn. Not really my thing but hey it could be hers. Again, communication is key here. Remember, fellatio is not all about HIS pleasure.

If this doesn’t work, Carly gives some amazing BJ tips on After Market Cocks.

This marks the end of the Joys of Fellatio blog series. Let me know how you enjoyed it in the comments and whether you’d be interested in another series. I’m open to receiving ideas. Tomorrow, I will be concluding the series…a summary of sorts. Once again, subscribe, subscribe.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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The Anatomy of Passion

Welcome back to the Joys of Fellatio blog series Day Four: The Anatomy of Passion. Yesterday in Learning the Ropes to Giving Bad A$$ Blow Jobs you learned many things about how I learned and discovered the joys of fellatio. You can catch up on the entire series from the beginning in The Joys of Fellatio Introduction.

The Anatomy of Passion

The student had learned much from her master. Alas, our journey had ended. When my mom found out that I had been with a guy five years my senior, she threatened to have him arrested. I told her it wouldn’t matter because I was the age of consent in the state where we lived. This made mama very furious and of course, I could not go on seeing him. It wasn’t a big deal, but I wanted to know more. I needed to know more.

Lost in a Good Book

As a teenager, I spent my weekends in Barnes & Nobles. One of those weekends, I came across a book, What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex by Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, a female gynecologist. My mom knew I was sexually active and she wasn’t one for sex talks and conversations about boys so of course, she bought me the book and lots of condoms. That was much easier for her.

I still own that book. It taught me all about the male anatomy and of course, techniques on how to give great head, and a ton of other taboo sex stuff that had me totally intrigued, nurturing my inner freak that desperately wanted out but didn’t know much about how to make her debut. This is when I learned it was called fellatio.

I learned about growers and showers. I learned the most sensitive parts to lick and suck; How to use my lips and palate; how to move my tongue and the way to create vibration through low, deep moaning.

If you are a woman who already loves giving head, reading this section may help you learn new techniques. If your man likes oral stimulation, you can give him the ultimate pleasure by learning how to perform masterful fellatio.

 What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex, Dr. Hilda Hutcherson

Love + Passion= Joy

Suddenly I found myself three steps away from becoming a fellatio pro.

Step One: Read the techniques in the book
Step Two: Seduce some unsuspecting teenage boy
Step Three: Bringing him to his knees

It’s funny how I became the girl version of the guys my daddy had taught me to watch out for and I was enjoying the prowl. It was fun while it lasted but I must warn you, they never lasted very long.

I was very good at giving head. My favorite part was teaching a guy about his own sexual anatomy. I’d firmly run my tongue along the soft spongy part underneath the shaft of the penis and ask if he knew what it was called. He didn’t and I was happy to educate him. I was so very careful about whom I allowed to put it in my mouth. Consistently, I chose the introvert, handsome, passionate ones.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

When I met my ex-boyfriend, sparks flew. I couldn’t keep him out of my mouth. I didn’t want to. My passion of fellatio combined with my love of the actual person took oral sex to an entirely new level of joy. Sucking his dick got me so high that whenever I did, the room would spin and he would go crazy. Our energy would collide like planets out of orbit. I knew very well the joys of fellatio but not quite in this way. The energy between us was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. Putting it in my mouth was never a chore.

It was in these moments that I learned orgasm was possible from the simple act of giving pleasure to another. And, that there is so much more to discovering joy in fellatio than just tips and techniques. There is passion and there is power.

Tomorrow is the final day of The Joys of Fellatio blog series and I am serving seven (or more) ways to discover joy in fellatio. I’m excited because it’s not about tips and techniques but more about intimacy and reprogramming. You’re not going to want to miss this.

This post contains an affiliate link to the book What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex. Thank you for reading!

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Learning the Ropes to Giving Bad A$$ Blow Jobs

Welcome back. Yesterday in the Words Unspoken post I talked about why I had never spoken the words “I Love Giving Head.” A lot of if has to do with slut-shaming and misogyny surrounding feminine sexuality. Make sure you check it out if you missed it.

Learning the Ropes

My very first memory of giving head was such a wonderful one which is likely a contributing factor to why I enjoy it so much today. This guy was unlike any other I’d ever been with. Although at the time, that wasn’t very many at all. There was not a place on my body that he considered off limits for his hands or mouth. He was doing rimjobs before it was even “a thing” and I was here for it all yet I didn’t even know it until the moment he did them. From oral to anal to exhibitionism and his sexy foot fetish, he opened me up to a flood of new sexual experience leading me to discover that I am a mermaid. Not a fish out of water at all. . .

Ready and Willing

He loved to face plant in my pussy; whether he loved it or he loved the way I loved it, I’m still not sure. One day he asked me if I enjoyed giving head. I said yeah even though I had never done it before. I certainly wanted to. I was willing. I was ready. I’m a “try anything once” kinda girl. If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t do it again; simple as that. However that was certainly not the case. I loved it and so did he. I was a natural, born to do this, pro status on my debut kind of woman. I took him in like a breath of fresh air.

He would tell me that some girls acted like they didn’t like it even when they did. I knew what he meant. Some girls I’d known who enjoyed it were embarrassed to admit it out of fear of slut-shaming or a feeling of obligation that I mentioned in Words Unspoken.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Student and the Master

He could tell I enjoyed it and that made him enjoy it even more. He taught me so much about how to give [him] great head. Tips and techniques that I learned worked well on almost any man. He taught me to wiggle my ass when giving head and how to rock my head back and forth as I moved it in and out of my mouth. He taught me the one and the two hand twist and how to take it far back without gagging, but that gagging was cool too because it produced more saliva. And he always reminded me to watch my teeth. Most importantly, he taught me how to communicate my own desires, which can sometimes seem unwelcomed in the sexual arena as Amelia explains in her article, How to talk about sex more playfully. I recall that he’d scold me when I wouldn’t tell him that I wasn’t enjoying something, saying, “How am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me?”

I could tell that teaching me was sometimes frustrating for him but nevertheless rewarding. I’ve always been good at following instructions well.

He had me watching a Karrine “Supahead” Steffans porn video once. As Kristen will tell you, porn is not sex ed. I am also keenly against using porn as a source of education when it comes to sex but I must admit this works for guys. Probably because lots of guys have watched videos of her I’m sure.

Making Magic

I loved giving him head. I loved pleasing him orally because he made great efforts to please me in that very same way. That still holds true for me today regardless of who I’m with. Being self-less during intercourse is one of the sexiest things a person can be to me. I am more willing to give when I see that great efforts are made in giving to me. This is when the magic happens.

Thanks for reading today’s post. In tomorrow’s post, The Anatomy of Passion, I plan to talk about how my desire turned into an obsession of power and the joy I derived from making guys weak at the knee with my “oral fixation”. Remember to subscribe.

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Words Unspoken

Welcome to Day Two of The Joys of Fellatio blog series: Words Unspoken. Yesterday, I told you all about my special playmate in, I Love Giving Head, who allowed me to satiate my curiosity and interest in the male anatomy, and I previewed a bit about what we would talk about today. Here goes everything.

Words Unspoken

When I initially got the idea for this series, I wrote out the topic, I love giving head, and as I read those words, I realized I’d never spoken them out loud before- knowing they are 100 percent true; knowing they have been true since my very first opportunity to give oral pleasure to a man.

It’s not for everyone. Yet when you say these words out loud to others, this is precisely the assumption. It is automatically assumed that because you love giving head, you’d love to do it for anyone who asks, and you’d do it for everyone who asks essentially, when this could not possibly be farther from my truth.

Terms and Conditions Apply

Guys who haven’t got a chance in hell (mostly because it doesn’t exist) suddenly believe they do. The context and the conditions must be ideal for me. After all, I give head for my own personal joy, and as much as the guy might be enjoying it, I give fellatio primarily for my pleasure based on my desire to give and not anyone’s desire to receive. Yes, selfish, I know

As much as I love it, giving head is very special to me.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Consider something you love, no matter what it is because we tend to believe sex is different when really it’s not. We’ve been duped into believing it can somehow become lesser through our actions which is a total myth. It is just as sacred and as coveted as anything else we love or care for deeply, no matter how one might present it; prude, slut, or anything in between.

Any way, whatever it is that you love, you might also love to share it with others. Perhaps having the opportunity to share what you love expounds upon that love which makes it even more enjoyable. You love camping; You don’t camp all the time; you don’t camp just anywhere; you only enjoy camping with others who enjoy camping for the same reasons you do.

Well, I don’t share my love of giving head with everyone in that very same way. I believe this assumption has much to do with misogyny being ingrained. Something we desperately need to overcome as Isabelle talks about in Can We Overcome Misogyny.

You can learn a lot more about misogyny and how to spot it from Ani at The Story of A.

An Act of Endearment

On a large scale, sex and this includes oral sex has become hugely objectified; reduced to a simple act of physical pleasure and nothing more. I choose not to share something I enjoy endearingly on such a shallow premise.

During sex, I’ve had a guy ask me whether I enjoy giving head in which case I simply answer yes or no. Yet, I’d never before even uttered the sentence, I love giving head. I prefer to answer under individual circumstances. If I’ve learned nothing from reading Emily Nagoski’s Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, it’s that context is everything when it comes to sexual preferences; the things that make you go and things that make you stop.

That way, it is never assumed that sucking your dick is automatic. FRIES remember FRIES. Just because I love giving head does not necessarily mean I love giving you head or that I even want to or that just cause I’m in the mood for intercourse, means I’m also in the mood to give (or receive oral sex) because sometimes, that is just not the case. Just because one loves to do a thing does not mean they want to do it at every opportunity placed before them. That is also a myth. You know what they say about too much of a good thing.

Thank you all for tuning in to today’s post in The Joys of Fellatio blog series. Tomorrow’s post is all about Learning the Ropes in which I talk about the very first time I performed oral sex on a guy and the things I learned from that experience. Please remember to subscribe.

This post contains an affiliate link to the book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. Thanks for reading!

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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I Love Giving Head

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Welcome to The Joys of Fellatio blog series Day One: I Love Giving Head. Yesterday, I posted a brief Introduction which includes an index of sorts on what would be covered over the next few day of this delicious blog series that I had so much fun writing and I hope you will enjoy reading it just as much.

I Love Giving Head

I love giving head. Let me rewind a bit… I love penis. And I don’t only mean in a manner of sexual pleasure. I love the way it looks circumcised or uncircumcised. I love the shape of it; the way it feels; the way it changes shape growing in my hand as I stroke it slowly. I like the way it comes in various shapes and sizes; the way my hand fits more around some than it does around others, or how some require two hands to cover from base to tip; others one and a half and others only one. Not only their design, I love their purpose and the way the purpose and design have the ability to combine so eloquently to induce succulent two-way pleasure, resulting in a symphony of orgasm.

Nevermind that after such a session of admiration, said penis almost always inevitably ends up in my mouth. However, that is usually not my goal. Even so, this adds to my joy as I compare the feel of the penis cupped in my hand (or gripped inside my vagina) to the way it feels as it slides slowly between my lips and across my tongue to graze the back of my throat.

Will You Play with Me?

When I was a young teen I knew a boy. He’d let me play with his penis. We didn’t particularly have any romantic involvement per se. We were friends. He lived nearby. It was a match of convenience more than anything. Of course, there are no coincidences in life.

I loved playing with his penis and he willingly allowed me to satiate my curiosity requiring nothing from me. I recall that he thought I was the weirdest girl, but he’d let me do it anyway with no expectation of sex.

I’d touch and stroke his penis sometimes so focused on every little detail of it, and other times I’d just daydream without intention. I’d stroke him until semen erupted from his shaft out of the head of his penis and flow slowly down the back of my hand. I’d watch in pure fascination, as his penis returned to its original flaccid state. In many ways, it was more of an enlightening experience of intimacy than a sexual one.

I later learned it is called a hand job.

He’d ask me if it bothered me to have “cum” on my hand. I’d tell him not at all then I’d ask him, why.  He’d told me some girls would respond with “Ewww, what’s that” or some other kind of yuck reaction.

We did eventually make our sexual debut together. I asked him, mostly from a place of comfort and curiosity. As I mentioned before, we weren’t romantically involved. The first time we ever kissed was the day we met up for our planned sexual debut. I remember thinking, I didn’t realize he was so much taller than me. I’m sure I’ll get around to telling you all about it in another post.

The Flip Side of the Coin

Even when one loves giving head, there is so much in this world of patriarchy and misogyny designed to take that away, leaving one to feel dirty and subpar. Things like slut-shaming and public degradation; too often I’ve seen guys expose a girl in an attempt to devalue her for doing something she enjoys. Then there are the most heinous stories of the unwarranted act of being forced to perform fellatio which could possibly strip one of all joy and satisfaction they may have gotten from it before. It’s time to end that and as Nell puts it, turn the walk of shame into the stride of pride.

Fortunately, this is not a part of my story.

Tomorrow’s post, Words Unspoken, will talk more about the thing of patriarchy and such that makes one reluctant to announce to others that he or she loves to give head. It’s the same reason that body count is such an issue when it shouldn’t be as Teena explains in her article, How Many Sexual Partners Have You Had. You definitely do not want to miss it. My best advice; subscribe, subscribe.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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The Joys of Fellatio Blog Series

Do you love giving blow jobs? I certainly do, and over the next seven days (including this one) I would like to take you all on a journey through the conception, birth, growth and development of my pleasures in giving head in this Joys of Fellatio blog series.

As with other things I publish here on my blog, my goal is that those reading will learn something new and insightful from my personal experience with oral sex and quite possibly awaken some new desire within themselves.

We’ll, soon dive deep into the wonders and pitfalls of genuinely enjoying fellatio but first, this brief introduction:

What is fellatio?

Here’s a definition for fellatio I found on which includes a fun fact as well:

stimulation of the penis with the lips , tongue and mouth by a male or female partner for sexual pleasure or for orgasmand ejaculation . A distinction, now obsolete, was once made in Latin and old English between fellatio and irrumatio depending on who was actively moving: irrumatio meant to thrust the penis into the partner’s mouth , fellatio meant to move the head and mouth up-and-down around the penis . This distinction has vanished in modern English and the word irrumation has almost completely fallen out of use.

To get better aquainted with fellatio and oral sex in general, check out this brief video by Life Sexual.

“Men love receiving oral sex because they are able to just lie back and enjoy without any performance anxiety. They can watch, too, and since they are the stars of the show, it’s a better turn-on than any porno flick. Women get their own sense of pleasure from fellatio. “I feel powerful when I give a blow joy,” one of my colleagues told me. “At no other time do I feel such complete control of my partner’s pleasure.” She shares the sentiments of many other women who like the feeling of power they get from having his most prized possession between their lips. Some women find it very arousing to watch their partners enjoy their oral mastery.”

What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex by Hilda Hutcherson, M.D.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

What’s in it for me?

When it comes to sex in general, I am a giver but not right off the bat. Very little dejects me more than a selfish lover; one who does not realize the maximum potential of their own pleasure is directly linked to mine. Essentially, the more you give to me the better it turns out for you.

Other than that, it is just as the quote mentions above, I derive great power from being in complete control of my partner’s pleasure. I love praise kink. I want to hear my lover moan and tell me what a good job I’m going. This point is made even clearer from the male perspective as Modern Mandingo recounts his own joys of receiving amazing fellatio.
Fun Fact about me: I like it slow. I like it sensual. I like it sloppy, but no, I do not swallow.

In the upcoming days here’s a summary of the things we will cover in this blog series: The Joys of Fellatio.

Day One: I Love Giving Head is a brief history of my acquaintance with the penis and how my love for it was born. Which may be surprising for some, because there are certain things that black women just don’t do, Six according to Kiarra at Blackgirlsvibe, and giving head is one of them.

Day Two: In Words Unspoken, I talk about how difficult it is to have a conversation with a mouth full of penis. I’m only joking. Actually it talks about the reason why I had never before said the words, “I Love Giving Head,” out loud.

Day Three: Learning the Ropes is about the first time I ever performed fellatio and how I learned to do what I enjoy and enjoy what I do.

Day Four: The Anatomy of Passion talks about how my desires to give fellatio evolved into an obsession of sorts and then into a passion which eventually resulted in uninhibited joy once I allowed myself to openly explore it.

Day Five: On the last day of the blog series, I will offer Seven Ways to Discover The Joys of Fellatio. Bare in mind that all women are different, but if you know your lady then you know whether any of these suggestions might work for you. It might even teach you that you have a lot more to learn about her.

Finally, I will end the series with a smooth Conclusion: The Joys of Fellatio that will be greatly influenced by the feedback I receive throughout the series along the way. So be sure to leave comments and share the posts with your tribe because I definitely would like to know your thoughts.


This post contains an affiliate link to the book,What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex through which I will receive a small commission if purchased. So I’d like to thank those who do.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Play With My A$$ While I Read a Book

But wait wouldn’t that be distracting. Well sure, it could be distracting. It could also be sexual harassment or sexual assault depending on the context. More obviously, with someone you’re comfortable with, it could be arousing. Allowing someone to play with my booty while I read a book is mostly about the context of the circumstances.

First, if I’ve opted to read when you’re around that means we’ve gotten past that formal, somewhat awkward first stage of getting to know someone and meeting their representative. Some might find it rude, but I promise it’s a compliment coming from me. We are now moving to an area that we can interact with one another without direct physical or verbal contact. For me, this is such a pleasant and peaceful place to be. It means we enjoy one another’s presence; one another’s aura and energy. I wish to share this feeling with more people, more often.

I enjoy reading mostly when I feel comfortable and uninhibited. Usually, I am home, mostly nude, and food is nearby. I like when things are quiet and I’m in solitude. The chance of being disturbed is unlikely.  If I allow you to join me in my solitude, you just might be a sure thing.

As much as I love to read, few people whom I share a personal relationship with have witnessed me reading. To give you a better idea, for the entire three years of my marriage, I did not read a single book. I did not feel comfortable and I was constantly on high alert (I’ll post about that, too). Those are not great reading contexts at all.

Secondly, I haven’t always been a huge fan of my ass. It’s brought on a lot of criticism throughout the years; mostly self-criticism. It didn’t exist until somewhere around 2006. It’s oddly shaped. It’s flat at the top. It’s (arguably) small. It doesn’t fit my hips. It has too many stretch marks to be so little. Ewww cellulite. It’s too hairy. It’s jiggly. Why is it jiggly and it’s not even big?

It has taken a lot of self-compassion to bring me to this place of loving my booty. It’s ok to not have the socially constructed version of the perfectly round, taught, even toned, Brazillian waxed, bikini booty. When I finally sat down to have the long overdue conversation with myself about my relationship with my ass, I realized I really didn’t have an issue with any of those things. I love my ass; even more so in some hi cut, cheeky, lace boy shorts and when I’m watching it bounce back and forth in the reflection of mirrored hotel room walls as I’m taking it from the back.

Even so, I’m very sensitive when it comes to my ass. The wounds of self-criticism are still healing. Keep all negative comments to yourself, please and thank you. I said all that to say, if I let you play with my ass (even when I’m not reading a book), I feel safe with you. My safety is the most important thing to me, physically and psychologically. In many contexts, my safety is the key to my comfort. I cannot feel comfortable unless I feel safe.

The Pretty Pink Lotus Bud writer, Victoria R.

Playing with my ass while I read a book essentially means I feel safe and comfortable with you.

Finally, it’s more about intimacy and less about sex. Once I’ve reached this place, you could play with my ass all day and I’d probably fall asleep before I’d want to have sex. This is because I value intimacy much more than I value sex, however, mostly the two are intertwined. Once a romantic connection is established, intimacy usually leads to sex. Chances are if I’m comfortable enough to be intimate with you, I’m comfortable enough to have sex with you even if I never do.

However, under the circumstances of playing with my ass while I read a book, sex is likely to occur soon and often, if it hasn’t already. In the meantime, I’ll enjoy basking in the safety and comfort of such an intimate moment way too much to end it. I’m selfish like that sometimes. And if I am this comfortable with you, then I’m certain that you won’t mind me being selfish because you‘ll know that’s your ass and you can have it anytime you want.

Artist of the featured image is not known. I have searched all over IG for whom it belongs to. I would like to give thus artist credit for their work. If you have any information, please email me at prettypinklotusbud @ or tag me on IG (prettypinklotusbud)

What are things you do when you are comfortable with your lover?

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