art by tinamariaelena

Sex with Strangers

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In the heat of summer on an early Saturday evening, a beautiful woman of few friends and mild social anxiety can be found scrolling the personal ads of her local online classifieds to see what wonders there are to discover: long term relationships, casual encounters, women for men, women for women, women for more women.

She doesn’t find any ad that piques her interest, so she decides to place one of her own. She’s a talented writer with an entrenched love for writing. She fills her ad with poetic symphonies of iambic pentameter; words of truth from her heart. She writes in a way that people placing ads for online personals just don’t write. Not so, “Let’s just cut to the chase.” It’s a waste; nothing there anyway but weirdos and creeps, scammers, sex trafficers, and desperate souls. Oh, but she is neither and yet she is here. She’s just a lonely girl fishing to fill her Saturday night with a bit of fun and fresh delight.

Sex with Strangers

I don’t know about anyone else, but I do enjoy the thought of the occasional risque rendezvous of encounters with strangers; nameless sex in unknown territory. Sometimes it magically morphs into more and those are the times I risk it all for. No pressure. Millenials are indeed recreating the dynamics of relationships.

I’ve met a few friends through the ads of online classifieds. Imagine my devastation when I discovered such a venue no longer exists.

We all do relationships a bit differently from meetings and individual introductions to sexual encounters and all facets of relationships.

This is one way I do or rather did them. Now, SESTA and FOSTA and the entire 45 administration is destroying what I suspect had been a way of doing relationships for many of us introvert, socially awkward and anxious type.

Anonymous Debut

Ever since the internet debuted in my life in the eighth grade, I’ve resorted to late night chat room conversations to keep me entertained in the realm of relationships. I truly enjoy the mystery and vulnerability of it all. Chat room therapy is what I once called it. Pouring out my truest confessions to faceless human persons while sitting nude in dim light gives new meaning to being naked.

I’ll be the first to admit that the potential for sex with a stranger excites me a lot more than actually following through on it. In my head, I romanticize it so much that I’m really just scared it won’t be remotely anything the way I see it in my mind’s eye.

In the words of a close friend of mine, “You can’t expect romance in a one night stand.” 🙄 I’m still not sure where we get such ideas from. Romance is so perfect for one night stands and I’ll tell you why just not today.

Casual Encounters

I’m just concerned that sex with a stranger might be all icky and objectified; sex without the connection.

Although, there was that one time that was quite magical. I had been fantasizing about a mmf (male, male, female) threesome, but there was no one in my life with whom I felt remotely comfortable in carrying out this fantasy with, so I placed my very specific request in the casual encounters section of the online classifieds.

Jay responded.

art by tinamariaelena

instagram.com/tinamariaelena

I’ve always been wary of mmf encounters because of the stigmas associated with them. There was a recent discussion on Instagram about reprogramming and reconstructing these ideas of multiple men having sex with one women.

I’d had a mmf threesome long ago that I mentioned in my 9 Tips for Her Better Oral Pleasure post. It was an unplanned pleasant experience. I wanted to have that again, but based on the stories I’d heard from other women, my experience was a lucky one; I felt like the probability of it happening again in that positive way was unlikely without some sort of guidance on my part.

Fortunately, Jay understood precisely what I needed and oh boy did he deliver. He and his close friend saw me through multiple selfless, pleasurable, shameless, and stigma-free squirting orgasms.

Would I have been able to have this had it not been for the ease of stranger encounters via online classifieds? Perhaps. Maybe not.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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All Opposed to Cunnilingus Say I

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Vaginas are not that complicated

Pussy is not that anatomically complicated. People are out here making it seem like it’s rocket science; it’s not. The outside is called the vulva and the inside is the vagina. See easy. All the parts of the vulva you can see and touch, are quite easy to find and remember once you get some up close and personal hands on experience. But you gotta dive in, lights on, eyes opened, and face first.

It seems like a lack of desire fueled by conditioning, misogynistic and patriarchal propaganda, social constructs and the severe deficit of sex education that is the cause of resistance when it comes to learning the pussy; causing a person to not want to get too up close and personal with the female sexual anatomy. We fear what we do not understand.

Pussy is beautiful and absolutely amazing. Trust me, I have one, but if you listen to what society teaches you in the readily available mainstreams of our culture, you might learn something opposite.

Growing up in church with unclean women

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I grew up in a small, southern town in Mississippi where I attended a missionary baptist church. I was raised on those biblical teachings: Sunday school, bible study, choir rehearsal. Before a certain point in my life, I was always at church for some reason or another.

As a young girl, I recall one Sunday in particular. A woman in our congregation, whom also happened to be well-known in our community, stood up to announce that she had been called upon by god to minister to her people. I’d seen this happen before in the church, but this time it was different. Something different was happening. As a child, I did not understand why, but as I got older I grew into the understanding of that experience.

In the past, I had only witnessed men who stood to announce themselves as ministers, preachers, and reverends. When Ms. Cat, as we called her, stood to make her announcement, you could feel the energy shift within the church. There were whispers about the uncleanliness of women due to her monthly cycle and how she was not permitted by god to stand and give “the word” from the pulpit. There were several meeting announcements, more than usual and it caused quite a commotion in our community. After several meetings, deacon board meetings, members and congregation meetings, pastors meetings etc, it was decided that she would be permitted to join the ranks of a position long held only by men in our church. I was one of my very first memories of being a woman.

Those smelly, yucky vaginas

This is what mainstream, religious culture teaches us. Women are unclean; women are the cause of sin; women are the link between man and sin; women are unclean because of their vaginas; women are unclean because they bleed from their vaginas; women are unclean because they’re sex organs are tucked on the inside and cannot be properly cleaned; you can tell that a woman is unclean because of odor and discharge (even referring to natural odor and discharge) . It’s gross to touch a woman’s pussy because of odor and discharge. Women are more susceptible to infections. Women are more likely to contract and carry infections (STI, Yeast, or Bacterial). To which, regardless of how the infection was contracted, all leads back to uncleanliness.

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These are very much the messages that I have received from society as women. I’m sure other women can relate. And if you’re like me and these things have been culturally embedded particularly to the point where you’ve actually subscribed to them and believed in them (which I have not and do not) then there’s absolutely no way you have any desire to put your face, mouth, or tongue in or on someone’s pussy. There are women with vulvas who think it is absolutely gross and won’t allow it done to them. There are also men who find it gross and refuse to do it.

And this is the real reason he won’t eat your pussy. Culturally embedded beliefs about feminine hygiene which includes the sell of sprays, washes, douche, and other products that fund a market that is expected to reach 42.7 Billion by 2022. All of these things contribute to callow ideas regarding vaginas and vulvas.

Peer Pressure of eating Pussy

The first time my ex boyfriend played with my pussy, he held his hand away from his body as though he’s just dipped his hand in acid. And the first time he ate my pussy he spat in an empty soda bottle for several minutes afterwards and then went to rinse his mouth with Listerine. That was not my first stroll around the block by far and I found the entire interaction absolutely hilarious. He kept apologizing and explaining that is was no offense to me. I understood. I had been conditioned to believe the same thing he was feeling in that moment.

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Eating pussy seems popular. It seems like everyone is doing it or at the very least everyone with a partner who has a vulva should be doing it…right? Because of all of this scientific evidence about nerve endings and clitorises, how it brings a woman so much pleasure and helps us reach orgasms more easily which seems to be relatively absent from heterosexual intercourse without ever addressing the issue of why I never considered doing this in the first place. Yes, because they weren’t taught, but more importantly, why they weren’t taught to.

Eating pussy is a delightful and enjoyable experience and not just for the person receiving. What can I say, you are what you eat!

However, the reality is some folks don’t feel comfortable because of what we have been conditioned to believe; what we have been programmed to believe about women and the uncleanliness of our sex organs.

Girls Against Cunnilingus

Did you even know this was a thing? I’ll be honest. I didn’t until I heard it with my own ears. One woman disclosed that she enjoyed receiving oral sex, but it was not something she encouraged. She went on to say that she would allow a person to give her oral sex, but would not kiss them afterwards because she thinks it’s gross. Another woman disclosed that she does not allow her partner to perform oral sex on her for the same reason–she believes “it’s absolutely disgusting.” And I get it, I hear similar things all the time.

I mean if there is a woman who doesn’t want to touch herself to masturbate, then understanding that there is one who doesn’t want her partner to go down on here because she doesn’t want to kiss them afterwards is not too far fetched. Please understand that I’m not shaming anyone here. It’s perfectly fine to not enjoy oral sex for what ever reason. Everything is not for everyone.

via GIPHY

Enthusiasm vs Obligation

When I’m with a guy who does it, but does so reluctantly, the energy is so much different than the guy who does it enthusiastically. It’s like some guys feel peer pressured to eat pussy. Whether it’s because they just want their partner to enjoy it, peer pressure from society, or some other personal reason. Instead of it being from a place of desire, it comes from a place of obligation and I don’t like that word much at all especially when it involves anything sexual. In order for me to enjoy it, it definitely has to be something I love doing and I expressed as much in my Joys of Fellatio series last summer.

I enjoy receiving oral sex a lot. I like to watch. I love the way it feels, however I don’t need to receive it in order to reach orgasm. So in order for me to enjoy receiving, I require a partner that enjoys giving. I absolutely need enthusiastic consent in order to enjoy oral sex. Other than that, it is not necessary for an orgasm but it absolutely makes sex better ←No doubt about it. Which means I’d rather have it than not just to make myself real extra clear.

For many women, eating the pussy is necessary for both enjoyment and orgasm. And now that we know the real reason behind why he won’t eat your pussy, let us work on that part. Let’s get reacquainted with the vulva, the vagina, the female sex organs, the pussy. Let’s honor pussy. The vulva and vagina is a sacred space deserving veneration. Be dauntless in reclaiming the vagina narrative.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Sex Magick: An Introduction

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This post is All About Sex Magic and I’m not talking Tantra here. At least I don’t believe so. However, I cannot be 100% certain, only because I’ve never actually read any Tantra myself. Although, I plan to. I’m curious as to how Tantra aligns with the things I’ve discovered for myself and my experience and experiments with Sex Magic.

Sex and spirituality are two things we don’t commonly discuss intersectionally. However, sex is very much a part of our spiritual evolution and affirming ourselves. It’s so important to affirm ourselves through unconditional self-love.

It has been said that sex magic is simple. I agree in theory; yes, however there is so much more to Sex Magic than meets the five senses.

Do you believe in magic?

What is magic? Magic is simply the way we choose to communicate our desires into the universe… Along with our faith in the manifesting of those desires. No matter who you are, no matter where you are or how you achieve this, at any given moment we are constantly communicating our desires whether it be intentional or not.

Sex is one powerful means of intentionally manifesting your desires.

I started doing sex magic during the summer of 2016. I have been practicing ritual spells, potions, and such since 2013 during an ugly custody battle for my children. As a mother with a newborn, no job, no income, and no place of my own, I knew I needed to source powers beyond my own physical capabilities. It was my nowhere else to turn leap of faith. And guess what it worked. Even my lawyer was surprised we had won. That was also because as a newbie lawyer he was making deals under the table with my ex-husband’s more season lawyer. But that’s neither here nor there. 🙄

No weapon formed against me shall prosper.

Anywho, I was hooked. Using my newly discovered abilities to manifest my desires, I kept my request short and simple. I watched them all come to pass. Then begin feasting my eyes on greater. I also wanted those greater things to happen faster.

These days, whenever I want something I get it. Especially answers to my most burning desires. Like how do I manifest my desires more promptly. The answer that came back was simple enough… Sex Magik.

Hit or Miss

And here is where things get less simple. My attempts to manifest through sex magic were hit-or-miss. Sometimes I’d be successful but most times I find myself saying this is not what I meant.

Intentions are everything whether you’re aware of those intentions or not. To be productive in any form of magic your intentions must be clear. Sex is a bit tricky in this matter due to our sex-negative conditioning. There may be certain aspects of sex, certain conditioned beliefs we hold in regards to sex that prevent us from maintaining clear intentions– blockage. Often times we aren’t aware of these blockages.

Because of this, most of us will have to do a bit of excavating before imploring sex magick to grant what we seek and exploit its grand potential. And no, I’m not there. Yet I am on this incredible journey where I have learned so much already, I feel compelled to share it with you.

Calibrate your Compass

Why is the world so imbalance? First of all creativity, desire, and pleasure all resonate in the root chakra. Your root chakra is your compass, your most basic and primitive spiritual sense pointing you in the direction of your passion. Many of us are like uncalibrated compasses which causes confusion and imbalance when it comes to manifesting your desires through any means. Because of this, being aroused does not always equate to a desire to have sex.

As you explore sex magick you will quickly learn that sex is not as primitive as people believe it to be. It is not simply a physical act of procreation and pleasure. It is a vehicle, a powerful vehicle of communication. It’s similar to sending an email versus sending snail mail and getting the same or better responses via email.

Sex is of the root chakra and it is the foundation of your Spiritual Being-ness. As we all know if your foundation is broken, it causes so many other problems in other areas. The entire structural integrity of the building has been compromised and for many of us we might very well need to rebuild from the ground up when it comes to our ideas about sex.

In other words, if you harbor a lot of the sex-negative messages that are pervasive in our society, it definitely isn’t the ideal foundation for the practical use of sex magick. It’s important to understand that some foundations require more work than others. Get to work on that foundation.

This is the time to kill confusion, to calibrate your compass, and reconstruct a new foundation through balancing your root chakra. This can happen in many ways and especially through meditative masturbation.

It’s time to touch yourself with intention and without shame. It’s time to feel (yes, I meant feel) your cup from the bottom up. Fall in love with the basic essence of your being-ness.

My child you are created through sex, imagine the things that you are capable of creating through sex.

Sex magic begins with deconstructing sex-negative conditioning and cultivating self-love.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Fuck me like you love me so I know it’s real.

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**VENT POST**

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I wrote this post awhile ago. Perhaps a year ago or more. It was about a lackluster sexual experience that seemed promising at first. I didn’t want to post it then because I was still in contact with the person and I was also aware of the fact that he read my blog regularly. We eventually had a conversation about this because he wanted to know why I had lost interest. Ha!

I wanted to sub title this post: When good dick just isn’t that great.

I mean, dudes stunt for the gram, for their friends, and fake ass politically correct ass corporate America everyday. Why is THIS so hard!? Is it fear? Are you scared you might get attached? Don’t worry, I won’t let you.

For the sake of pure pleasure, the purest pleasure– can we just pretend for bit? No strings attached.

Oh, you think I’m the one who’s going to get attached? Not likely. Don’t get me wrong. I love deeply as in my heart is buried deep beneath reluctance and suspicion that takes a diamond drill of authenticity to unearth. And let’s just be real, there aren’t many authentic ones. They’re too caught up in trying to fake it till they make it.

I’m not that emotionally strapped woman they warned you about, trying to hit up dudes for love, affection, and acceptance. Nor am I the heartless gold digger type. I’m not even convinced that either of these women exist at the extreme in which men attempt to portray us. I’m just here to fuck and at the very least, I need it to be worth my while. It’s a gamble at best.

He keeps asking when I’m going to write about him in my blog. Well, guess what sir. Today is your day, but you’re probably not going to like what I have to say.

Let the record show that he definitely has good dick but…

The first time was amazing because it was incredibly sexy. It involved being woken from my sleep by kisses down my spine, slow deep body shaking strokes, an eruption of orgasm rolling through my entire body and him whispering, “Fuck me back,” over and over again. Unfortunately, it couldn’t last.

I’m so over guys who learned to fuck from a porno or from his ex-girl who learned from her ex-dude who learned from a porno. And trust me, porn is not a substitute for good sex education. I found myself counting, one to two, two to four, three to seven. These were the ratio of orgasms: mine to his. And suddenly I’m bored and just a tad bit bitter. This is precisely why women’s orgasms matter.

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He doesn’t last. Understandable though. This is not my first rodeo. I know I got good pussy and I own that. I know it ain’t easy to stand up against Desi, but by now, you know that, too. So one would figure that you would have gotten yourself together because they usually do. Alas, this could not be our fate.

I mean, do you think your dick is just so great that orgasms aren’t necessary. Not hardly likely, contrary to popular believe. I need the release just as much as you do and you definitely know how to make it happen but you don’t. You are 100% content with getting yours, being done, and promising to return later to finish the job *cough cough* I mean get another one for yourself. Nah, I’m good.

This dude needs to do some kegels. I bet he didn’t even know that men could do kegels. He probably doesn’t even know what is a kegel. While vaginal weightlifting can do wonders for a woman. We don’t hear so much about it as it applies to men. He’s walking around with an undesirable affliction of premature ejaculation syndrome and doesn’t even realize there’s a cure.

You think just because you have good dick that automatically makes the sex great? Good dick is good dick but it only plays a small part in amazing sex. You have not arrived.

Your sex is so inanimate, so rehearsed, so flat-lined, so boring…I think I said that already. I’m bored and obviously unfulfilled.

And I already know that this is my fault. Women set the expectation, men treat women how she allows him to treat her, any other cause you can come up with blah, blah, blah… This is a common experience even in marriages. Listen to me when I tell you that I am a woman and the fact that a man has no rhythm, stroke game, premature ejaculation issues, or just straight up selfish ain’t got shit to do with the woman. That’s on him.

All that being said, pretend for a moment. Close your eyes and visualize the woman you love. Imagine you are about to make love to her. Consider how good you’d want her to feel and all the things you would do to make sure she reaches her ultimate pleasure.

Now think about how you stunt for the gram. Think about how you play the part of professionalism knowing damn well that it’s not the real you. Now back to the woman you love. If not a woman, channel the passion for something you enjoy. Visualize how you go above and beyond for what you are passionate about. Imagine, imagine that is me, but only until I climax.

Yeah, fuck me just like that image you just got in your head. Fuck me like you love me. I promise you won’t regret it.

After that you can return to your regularly scheduled program.

Wale- Bad featuring Tiara Thomas

Is it bad that I never made love, no I never did it

But I sure know how to fuck

I’ll be your bad girl, I’ll prove it to you

I can’t promise that I’ll be good to you

Cause I have some issues, I won’t commit

No, not having it

But at least I can admit that I’ll be bad no to you (to you)

Yeah, I’ll be good in bed but I’ll be bad to you

Bad that I never made love, no I never did it

But I sure know how to fuck

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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3 Reasons to Masturbate Beyond Pleasure

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How can a person be an advocate for women’s orgasms and not be an advocate for masturbation? Short answer. You can’t.

Lately, I’ve been talking a lot about masturbation and that’s no coincidence.

First, the theme for round one’s summer 100 is masturbation and self-pleasure. And ever since I took part in the 30-day orgasm fun, I’ve learned so much about masturbation and I love sharing these things with y’all.

What is the purpose of masturbating? So many reasons, right? I’m sure many of us can agree that masturbation is a very pleasurable experience. Here are three more reasons to masturbate beyond just pleasure.

Self-Exploration

During the 30-day orgasm fun, I learned that not all toys are created equally. Many of them are really simple to use, while others require a bit more practice. No worries, because I’ve also learned that such toys present the opportunity to spend time deliberately getting to know your body as you master the use of this pleasure inducing device better known as the sex toy.

As I mentioned in Touch of Self-Love, I have been masturbating for a very long time. Even as that is true I know that there is still so much to learn about my ever-evolving sexual body. The first time I used a toy that wasn’t so straightforward I got super frustrated. As I navigated the toys over my clitoris, I’d find a good spot and then I lose it. Highly frustrational.

I was not having any orgasm fun at all. I felt like I just wanted to throw it against the wall. I had read so many rave reviews. I just wanted it to perform for me the way it did for its reviewers. In the midst of my frustration and a masturbation session that was asking well over 12 minutes, I took a deep breath and decided I try again later that week. In the meantime, I chose a different toy to finish things off.

When I used the toy again later that week I was surprised at how much better the experience was going compared to when I first used it. Through the use of other toys, I had been exploring more with my physical pleasure. Once you can master your own body, you can master almost any decent toy.

Exploring yourself, including through masturbation, is important to your self-care and unlocking your magic. Eliminating shame is also a key to unlocking your magic. There’ll be a post on this soon.

Healing and Self-Care

Often we hear about meditation, therapy, baths, and yoga as a part of self-care. Well, let’s add masturbation to that list. As Ani can tell you, self-care is more than just manicures and girls night out. Self-care is indeed a way of life.

I take pride in my masturbation experience. And before it became a thing of sexual pleasure, it was purely for the purpose of relaxation. As a child, I had a lot of anxiety. I’m still figuring out why that is or what that means. Anyway, masturbation has helped me a lot through that anxious period in my life.

I never got over that anxiety, for the most part, I just learned to suppress it and masturbating allowed me to relax my anxiety away. The truth is masturbation is like my security blanket. It helps me relax; it helps me sleep. Masturbation puts me in a meditative state of sorts. And when I’m in this state, I express myself more creatively. I’m more comfortable and open to exploration, especially spiritually.

It didn’t take me long through all of this relaxation, connection, openness, and creativity to recognize I was healing myself. Through this conscious and physical act of self-exploration and self-pleasure. I witnessed a rise in my confidence and the release of stress and fear that was manifesting in the form of depression. Now, this has not been through masturbation alone, however, masturbation has acted as a strong catalyst on my healing journey.

Sex Magick

When you encounter something powerful that helps you connect and release you better believe magical things are happening. Sex, in many ways, is a spiritual practice for me. With its anatomical location in the pelvic plexus, the root chakra and sex is linked to creativity, passion, and desire. It is the base, the foundation of our spiritual evolution. It is associated with feeling safe and grounded. No wonder it helps so much with my anxiety.

The root chakra, which is where we house our ideas and feels about sex, provides the foundation on which we build our life.

It supports us in growing and feeling safe into exploring all the aspects of life. It is related to our feeling of safety and security, whether it’s physical or regarding our bodily needs or metaphorical regarding housing and financial safety. To sum it up, the first chakra questions are around the idea of survival and safety. The root chakra is where we ground ourselves into the earth and anchor our energy into the manifest world.

Chakras.info

If there are any energy blockages happening in your root chakra, masturbation absolutely helps you release them. Once things are balanced, this is when the real magic happens. It’s like the difference between one of those fake plastic trees and a tree with actual roots. It is the difference between existing in the world as we are told and being free to grow, change, and evolve in the way we were designed.

Real trees produce fruit; those fruits produce seeds; seeds produce more trees. Masturbation can be and for me it very much is the key to manifesting my desires and creativity in the physical.

In this way, you get to decide what that tree will become. Sex Magick is very powerful and precise. It is my preferred form of practical magick. Through balance and development, it becomes as easy as thinking a simple thought channeled by your desire, your passion, and your creativity.

I have not mastered sex magic. I assure you I’m well on my way which is the best part because I’m in such a place of discovery and exploration. So much is new to me and I teach as I learn.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Does “too much” Masturbation Make Me Less Sensitive?

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The theme for the last couple of months has been masturbation. It all started in April with the 30-day orgasm fun followed by May’s Masturbation Month. I got to try out a few awesome toys. I am so excited 🤩 to share via my YouTube channel launching this summer 😍.

Go on over and subscribe. It’s going to be wildly entertaining.

So with all of the reviews I have in the works, it is safe to say I have been doing quite a bit of masturbating. Yes, indeed.

Before the 30-day orgasm fun and masturbation month, I had never masturbated this much in my life. And never this consistently. So when someone following me asked whether a woman could become less sensitive due to “overstimulation” from masturbation I had no clue how to answer.

I ended up posting the question on my Instagram for others to answer. The spectrum of responses was so broad, my proposed solution didn’t get me any closer to the truth of whether “too much” masturbation causes you to become less sensitive.

One follower suggested that it might require more stimuli and more work to reach orgasm in the future. Another theory I was testing out for myself.

Now, this is the part where I tell you all about my experience.

For 30 days every single evening, I watched porn and entertained my followers on IG half expecting that each new climax would somehow cause me to become less interested in the next. To make a tall story short, that never happened. With each new climax, I half expected that the next one would take longer to achieve. Nope, that didn’t happen either.

Masturbating every day for 30 days straight using my fingers and a variety of toys did not cause me to become less sensitive.

In fact, I found that I became more in tune with my sensitivity. And by that I mean I learned which spots were more sensitive which methods of stimulation produced greater pleasure sensations in my genitals. Overall I just became more aware of what felt good to me and what brought my body pleasure.

The trajectory of my orgasm was within my complete control. Basically, that means I was able to control what I felt and how I felt based on which toys I used and whether I use my fingers or some other method. I was able to control how long I wanted my pleasure to last and if I didn’t want to take up too much time I knew exactly where to go to induce a 2-minute climax whereas when I first started the fun challenge, it easily took me an average of 8 minutes to reach orgasm.

The sensation of my pleasure did not decrease and I was able to shorten the time it took for me to reach orgasm.

Then came the final test of “too much” masturbation. Would it make it more difficult to reach orgasm during intercourse with a man?

Here’s the thing, whenever I spent all that time masturbating it is easy to assume you might become less interested in sex in general. Typically people talk about masturbation being a replacement for a body either directly or indirectly. I don’t know how anyone else feels about it, but this certainly isn’t true for me.

The more I was masturbating, the more I’d crave human touch, the more I’d wish there was someone enjoying the sexual experience alongside me. Because masturbation with a partner is quite an experience. Once the day arrived to fulfill this craving I was able to have multiple effortless orgasms. They took less time and there were more of them. Mind blown 🤯.

With way more confidence than I’d had before, I was able to tell my partner exactly where to go and exactly what to do for the maximum amount of pleasure. Now assuming you have a partner that takes directions well, this can be a magical experience; by magical I mean the entire constant masturbation for 30 days and then having this mind-blowing sexual experience with your partner afterward.

I did not require more work nor did I require more stimuli to reach orgasm. Specifically for me, I came faster.

And there you have it from me anyway. I encourage you to answer these questions for yourself and discover your own experience. It is beyond worth the journey; one Miss Scarlet describes well of her own masturbation journey.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Themes and Other Things

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We have decided to create themes for each round. And since there are six rounds there will likewise be six themes. Special thanks to Carly of Dildo or Dildon’t for coming up with (most of) these themes. Isabelle and I got together to finalize which themes would be broad enough to allow for the most creative freedom.

If you have questions about how long each round lasts, be sure to visit the FAQs.

Coming out of May (Masturbation month) I’m certain many of us have lots to write about from the toys we’ve used, to tips and techniques, erotica stories, personal journeys and more. So we figured this would be an appropriate way to kick off our Summer 100.

  • Round One– Masturbation/Self pleasure/Self-care
  • Round Two– Oral Sex
  • Round Three– Relationships
  • Round Four– Kink/Fetish/BDSM
  • Round Five– Sex Toys
  • Round Six– Sex Education

You only need to write one or two posts for each theme per round. That way we can be sure that there is enough related content for others to link to. I also took out the time to create a blog catalog of sorts by grabbing posts from the blogs of each participants and organizing them by categories. You can find that catalog here.

Yes, you can link to older content. Just in case you were wondering. I only took a few from each participant, however there is so much more awesome content to link. I encourage you to visit each site on your own to discover for yourself.

Finally, please include this link & graphic to the guestbook at the end of each of your posts inviting your visitors to view more posts by summer100 participants. Grab the code below to do this effortlessly.

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Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

 

Lady in Red

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I love the color red. It is one of my absolute favorite colors to wear. Here, I’m wearing leftover, smeared lip color of my favorite shade of red.

Smeared makeup is art. I sleep in it on purpose just to wake up and discover the beauty of what is created. #Iwokeuplikethis #smearedmascara #besobystila #ilovemyboobs

 

Lady in Red

#sinfulsunday 372

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New Moon Opportunities

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The new moon represents new beginnings and a fresh start. Ask anyone moderately versed in magic and they’ll tell you that the new moon is a time to set your intentions, gather your thoughts and plans, and write down your desires and wishes.

So what if you already know your desires? What if you’ve written them down over and over and over again? I know I have.

What if you don’t have plans? If you’re anything like me, often you do not. And contrary to popular belief, not having a plan can lead you on a magical journey. Just set your compass due north and the Universe will make sure you arrive safe and sound.

So what do you do if you know your heart’s truest desires but you don’t have a plan to make it happen? This my child is when you must leave it to chance. Oh yes, this is how the Universe works best. 🤗

Because of my Capricorn Aquarius cusp, I am such a grounded Spirit who adores wonder and spontaneity.

A contradiction indeed.

Do you believe in chance?

About 3 years ago I read an article where Pauley Perrette (Abby) of NCIS (a show I used to love to watch) did an interview about how she was “discovered”; a chance encounter for a chance opportunity that manifested into something exceptional for both her life and career.

You can’t plan opportunities like that! While you cannot plan such things, you certainly have within you the ability to attract them.

Here’s a simple ritual to do just that.

The first thing to remember when performing magic, the single most important ingredient to any spell or ritual are your intentions.

Gather the following items in a place you feel relaxed or more open to spiritual energy; a place you won’t be disturbed.

A single bay leaf 🌿 and a black Sharpie, a white candle, black moonstone, green aventurine stone, citronella and peppermint oil, mint seeds, a small planting pot with potting soil, and finally, powerful words of affirmation.

For this particular ritual, I’ve chosen the words lucrative, opportunity, and chance. You can use those same words or any others that suit your intentions.

As you perform this ritual, burn citronella and peppermint oil in a diffuser. Citronella oil is used to attract friends and business while peppermint oil is used to affect change.

Bay leaves represent honor, glory, and reward. On the back of your bayleaf, write down your words of affirmation.

Congratulations! 🎉You have now set your intentions.

Focus on those intentions as you plant your mint seeds. Mint has the amazing ability to grow in unfavorable conditions. Their blooming 💮 season is from June to September so spring is a perfect time to plant. It’s elemental association is air. I love this because you never know which way the wind is going to blow.

Mint can represent many things in the realm of magic, however we are going to focus on prosperity and good luck for our chance opportunity. Also, Spirit has been known to be attracted to mint 🤔. And when you are attracting chance opportunity, you need all of the Divine help you can get.

There are several things you can do with your black Moonstone and Green Aventurine. If they are small you can plant them with your seeds which is a really, really great idea. Or you can simply have them nearby.

Once all components of this ritual are complete, take the bay leaf and sleep with it underneath your pillow. On the following day burn your bayleaf my white candle🕯 and chant this spell

“With this new moon opportunities await. Abundance springing from the ideas I create.”

And voila, your ritual is complete.

Faithfully, forget the opportunities coming your way. Even after you’ve done this ritual, they’ll be totally unexpected.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Adventures in the #30dayORGASMfun

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When Tabitha introduced us to the #30dayorgasmfun during the Eroticon meet and greet, I was definitely excited. However, I must admit I wasn’t expecting it to be anything more than just…well, fun. Oh, was I in for a special surprise.

Better Health Orgasms

With the 30 day orgasm fun, I can vouch that orgasms definitely give you a mental health boost. I’ve been feeling a lot less stress even when I’m stressed, if that makes sense.

I had my last therapy session 2 weeks ago, and as I talked with my therapist, I was happy to report no stress, no depression, and an increase in patience (still a work in progress). I am certainly in a better place from a vibrational perspective.

At one point during the challenge, I felt myself coming down with a cold. Who feels like masturbating when you feel like crap!? I did it anyway. I was fully committed to this challenge and thankfully so because it helped my body reject the virus. After only three days, I felt better. Now, I’m not saying that orgasms are the cure to the common cold, I am just telling you about this illustrious experience that I was having. It was pretty amazing.

Toys

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Thanks to Eroticon, I got the opportunity to try out some truly worthy sex toys that you definitely want to subscribe for the reviews to come. I wish I had had more toys to play with however, the lack of toys cause me to be a bit more creative.

As I mentioned in my sex toy Herstory post, I hadn’t had much experience with sex toys. Here was my opportunity to do some self-exploring.

I’ve learned that each sex toy offers a uniquely different experience. In some cases one is not even comparable to another; like the Zumio. It is truly a unique device in the most awesome way. My perspective on toys is very, very different now.

I got to experience some rather large toys, some small toys, dildos, non-penetrating vibrators, rumbly, and buzzy. Between rumbly and buzzy toys, they both give different types of orgasms and I really enjoy both types. They are two very different yet very awesome orgasmic experiences. I got to experience the longest orgasm I have ever had using a toy; 🤯 longest, emphasis on longest.

When time is of the essence

I kept a small journal so I was able to record sessions with different toys, with lube, without lube, in the bath if the toy was submersible. I was even able to record how long some masturbation sessions took.

I noticed that as the month progressed, I was better able to control my orgasms. I was learning more about where I experienced the most pleasure. I can certainly say with pinpoint accuracy that I get most of my pleasure on the right side of my clitoris.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

I learned my spots. I’m still learning my spots and I’m learning how to go directly to those spots instead of spending so much time searching around.

My sessions averaged a little over eight minutes. I did kind of dragged them out a little longer as I learn to control my orgasms because I was indeed having so much orgasm fun. So that may have had a bit of an effect on the average time. 😏

Debunking myths one sex toy induced orgasms at a time…

I have crazy stamina already, but I notice how this fun challenge was increasing my stamina. And I also discovered that even though I was masturbating everyday, I did not become less sensitive. In fact, I became more sensitive; more in touch with my sensitivity (myth debunked).

During this fun challenge I have learned so much about my body and not just my vulva and clitoris. Even though I did get to know them very intimately during this journey.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Self Discovery and Sex Magick

I am a practitioner of sex magick. I’ve been practicing Sex Magick for about 2 years now; 2 years exactly in June. This challenge has been instrumental in bringing my root chakra into alignment and it’s made me realize so many things about how sex directly corresponds to your passion and your desires. Oh my goodness! Such an epiphany has come to me through this fun challenge.

Having an orgasm everyday has made creating and channeling much more productive. I found it easier to focus my intention when I’m manifesting through climax.

Your root chakra is a compass and masturbation helps to calibrate that compass! Guiding you towards your passion. More to come on this in another post.

All the things you desire in life can be sensed by your body on a vibrational level. Everything has a frequency and having an orgasm a day puts you more in tune with that frequency.

This is such an amazing Discovery!

The goal was 30 days of orgasms and I am very proud of my 29 days strong. I did miss one day because of a water bug where the kids sleep. Even though our cat killed it, they were so scared they wanted to sleep in my bed. As you can imagine, I didn’t get to have my orgasm that night😒 but I made up for it big time (and still am)🤣🤣.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Although I did keep a journal, I realize, I did not record as much data as I could have in retrospect. I will definitely be doing this challenge again very soon when my apartment is free of children. There are so many things I want to try; so many toys I want to try; so many places I want to try them.

I mean I just never had a clue that orgasms could be so much more than fun. The 30-day orgasm challenge has definitely been an enlightening experience. I’d like to personally thank Miss Tabitha for coming up with this challenge, for introducing me to this challenge, and for being an amazingly profound woman.

Yes, the 30-day orgasm fun has ended but I don’t want to end it. fortunately for me it’s masturbation month, all May Long.

Confidence is just radiating from the pores of my skin to the gradients of my aura; an orgasm a day is literally giving me life.

A really awesome thing happens when you purchase the products I recommend. I get a small kickback at not cost to you! This post contains links to those awesome products. Click on them to learn more.

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Hashtag Datazz-Sinful Sunday

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I had never been a fan of my ass. When I was young, I was told I didn’t have one. Imagine how that must feel as a black womxn.

I mean, you can’t be a real black woman if you ain’t got #datazz 🙄. Then I graduated to a lil booty and I fell in love…enough to cup.

Except is was actually a bit more than that. And apparently it’s quite a sight on all fours from behind.

Such a beautiful experience, listening to the magnificent moaning of men as you bring them the visual pleasures of #datazz.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- Sinful Sundays 368 datazz

#sinfulsunday 368

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Make Her Cumm Without Using Your Tongue

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What if more men thought of sex as something you give a woman rather than something you get from a woman? Oh, how different sex might be!

There is a movement among us, a powerful movement sweeping the sexual freedom community. This movement calls for more and better external clitoral stimulation so that women, all women, may enjoy the pleasure of experiencing mind-altering ORGASMS and a higher frequency of said ORGASMS. The movement seems to particularly focused on oral stimulation of the clitoris. Yep, that’s right. Cunnilingus.

As a woman with a clitoris, I love clitoral stimulation and I am all for oral clitoral stimulation. But of course, I still must listen to guys say, “I should not be obligated to eat pussy if I don’t want to.” Same thing we’ve been saying about sucking dick, but I digress. And while I do so reluctantly, I can empathize with this. No one should be obligated to perform any sex act that they don’t desire to perform. However, getting the lady you are with to achieve ORGASM is still your responsibility and moral obligation. Yes, you read that correctly…MORAL OBLIGATION.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- Press Her Button- Clitoral Stimulation

Porn makes it seem like fellatio is a necessity when it comes to sex. We know that isn’t true. At least not from a climaxing perspective, however stimulation of the clitoris is absolutely necessary for many (most) women in order to climax. Mostly, that requires external stimulation most reliably achieved through oral stimulation though not always guaranteed due to a lack of skill.

Why don’t some men like to eat pussy? I don’t know but I’m like 90% certain that it has something to do with their conditioning in regards to the cleanliness of the vulva and vagina as well as menstruation.  I mean, at least from the many conversations I’ve had with guys. Other’s have shared that they can’t get past the taste. There have been a few I’ve been fortunate to persuade otherwise,😏 while others stand firmly by their “I do not eat pussy,” mantra. I guess you can’t win ’em all. 🤷🏾‍♀️

You remember Mike, right? I told you about Mike in my When did you first recognized you needed consent? post. Remember how I told you that I still have the most amazing orgasms with him? #TrueStory In fact, if I’m totally honest he gives me the best ORGASMS I’ve ever had at this stage in my life. Now, I’ll let you in on another secret. Mike has never, in the five years that I’ve known him, perform cunnilingus on me. And as far as I’m concerned, he never has to. I know you’re probably thinking, Whaaaaat? And I’m thinking yaaaaaasss.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- flower opening

Why? How? Firstly, I do not require external stimulation to reach ORGASM. Also because there’s obviously more than one way to stimulate the clitoris. Duh.

I mean I hope we know this. If we don’t, given the primitive way we deal with sex present day, very little surprises me.

I enjoy multiple types of clitoral stimulation that I will be sharing with you in this post. Hopefully, my experience can translate into a positive, more pleasurable experience for you and your vulva toting partner. I share all the details of how Mike makes me cum without ever using his tongue.

Toys.

Toys are not ideal for everyone. I didn’t start out with toys. Toys were not a part of my sex life until later on. Eventually, bullets became my go-to if I couldn’t get the real thing. Or I just didn’t feel like being bothered with the real thing or if the urge hit me instantly and there was no real thing around. So I’ll say I enjoy toys. They get me where I need to be and these days I’m learning to love them even more. Thanks to the #30dayorgasmfun. However, when it comes to sex, I absolutely crave human touch and this, my love, is my greatest dilemma.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- purple vibrator bullet in a gift box

I have been advised not to think of sex toys in this way, but rather as enhancements to your sexual interaction. I must admit that toys are mostly a distraction if I’m not using them alone. Mostly…but then that might be because I’m not doing it right or that I’m using the wrong kind of toys 🤔

Even so, I got into toys because I knew a chic in college who absolutely freaking love them. She was constantly dragging me into novelty stores saying, “Hey, Victoria oh my god you have to try this.” In retrospect, she would have been really, really great at selling sex toys.

Women who love toys do exist and since becoming a sex blogger I’ve met so many and it’s awesome. They’ve certainly ignited a deeper curiosity within me. Not that I ever questioned this possibility; I’ve just had such a limited experience with toys personally.

These days I do enjoy my guy using a toy to stimulate me. It’s always a fun teaching experience that ends with a lot of pleasure because of the intimacy and the laughter. While toys are not my first choice, they are definitely an option for assisting your partner in reaching ORGASM. Good vibes has an excellent selection if you’re looking for a few options right now.

All hands, but mostly fingers, on deck

Do it with your hands. As much as I love masturbating, it is even better when someone else does it for you. There is so much intimacy present as you stare into the face of your lover or enjoy some deep kissing while you bring them pleasure with your fingers and they just erupt in your hand. Ahhhh!

 

First time deliberately making someone cum with your fingers? Here’s my advice based on what I enjoy. Stick to external stimulation only…no fingering. Make sure you wash your hands first and rinse the soap completely. Your call, but consider clipping your nails. Use plenty of lube…no such thing as too much. Go slow…in the words of a well-circulated Meme…Calm down, it’s not a DJ booth. Follow their guided instruction. I know that I can’t help placing my finger over top and guiding the movement and pressure of the stimulation. Sooooo good.

Pay attention to how they respond physically and vocally. I kinda get annoyed if I tap my person and they continue doing the same thing. Even if you don’t know what something means, ask. And if I’m not enjoying it, I get very quiet. Fingerplay is definitely the best. Kissing plus finger play when my person’s a pro….Yaaaaasss.

Way to use your head

Last but certainly not least, men have this amazing ability to do this wonderful external clitoral stimulating thing with… get this, now… the head of their penis. Whoa! Absolute Magic. I would go so far to say pure sorcery. I close my eyes and I can’t tell the difference between the head of his penis and cunnilingus, except his body is pressing on top of mine. That is the only reminder. Once again, lube is your best friend.

Doing this with a nipple in your mouth 🤤. It’s not for everyone, but it’s definitely for me and maybe it might work for you, too. But if you’re new to this, just start out with one at a time. Once you catch a rhythm, jump on in with the second one. It kind of reminds me of double dutch. You got to have some talent and coordination to accomplish these things.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- Tapping head meme

Now, this could present an issue for some because I know for me, I never used to do this type of stimulation because I just didn’t trust the guy I was with to see me through to ORGASM before he tries to put his dick inside my vagina. Thanks to the male privilege that values men’s pleasure over women’s pleasure, men tend to get ahead of themselves and think it’s perfectly acceptable to barge in without consent simply because they’re already so close. No, sir.

Those, my loves, are three ways that I enjoy external clitoral stimulation. No, cunnilingus required. Though highly recommended.

Bonus finger technique: I love this technique. It works super beautifully when I use it on myself and my partners. It’s a technique I discovered accidentally while masturbating one afternoon. With your finger, also works with your tongue or the head of your penis. You simply draw waning and waxing crescent moons over the clitoris over and over and over again.

Final thoughts on the whole, “I don’t eat pussy,” subject.

Just because you prefer not to eat the cookie, does not absolve you of seeing your partner through to a successful and complete ORGASM. They deserve it. #WomensOrgasmsMatter. Besides most vulva owners aren’t concerned about how we get it as long as we get it and the getting is good

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality- twitter poll

Oh and even if you do eat pussy, you can definitely use these to switch things up a bit. Like I said, I thoroughly enjoy all these different ways to climax. They each offer a different kind of experience. 😉

Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this moral obligation. Share your comments and related post links in the comment section below.

A really awesome thing happens when you purchase the products I recommend. I get a small kickback at not cost to you! This post contains links to those awesome products. Click on them to learn more.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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