New Moon Opportunities

The new moon represents new beginnings and a fresh start. Ask anyone moderately versed in magic and they’ll tell you that the new moon is a time to set your intentions, gather your thoughts and plans, and write down your desires and wishes.

So what if you already know your desires? What if you’ve written them down over and over and over again? I know I have.

What if you don’t have plans? If you’re anything like me, often you do not. And contrary to popular belief, not having a plan can lead you on a magical journey. Just set your compass due north and the Universe will make sure you arrive safe and sound.

So what do you do if you know your heart’s truest desires but you don’t have a plan to make it happen? This my child is when you must leave it to chance. Oh yes, this is how the Universe works best. 🤗

Because of my Capricorn Aquarius cusp, I am such a grounded Spirit who adores wonder and spontaneity.

A contradiction indeed.

Do you believe in chance?

About 3 years ago I read an article where Pauley Perrette (Abby) of NCIS (a show I used to love to watch) did an interview about how she was “discovered”; a chance encounter for a chance opportunity that manifested into something exceptional for both her life and career.

You can’t plan opportunities like that! While you cannot plan such things, you certainly have within you the ability to attract them.

Here’s a simple ritual to do just that.

The first thing to remember when performing magic, the single most important ingredient to any spell or ritual are your intentions.

Gather the following items in a place you feel relaxed or more open to spiritual energy; a place you won’t be disturbed.

A single bay leaf 🌿 and a black Sharpie, a white candle, black moonstone, green aventurine stone, citronella and peppermint oil, mint seeds, a small planting pot with potting soil, and finally, powerful words of affirmation.

For this particular ritual, I’ve chosen the words lucrative, opportunity, and chance. You can use those same words or any others that suit your intentions.

As you perform this ritual, burn citronella and peppermint oil in a diffuser. Citronella oil is used to attract friends and business while peppermint oil is used to affect change.

Bay leaves represent honor, glory, and reward. On the back of your bayleaf, write down your words of affirmation.

Congratulations! 🎉You have now set your intentions.

Focus on those intentions as you plant your mint seeds. Mint has the amazing ability to grow in unfavorable conditions. Their blooming 💮 season is from June to September so spring is a perfect time to plant. It’s elemental association is air. I love this because you never know which way the wind is going to blow.

Mint can represent many things in the realm of magic, however we are going to focus on prosperity and good luck for our chance opportunity. Also, Spirit has been known to be attracted to mint 🤔. And when you are attracting chance opportunity, you need all of the Divine help you can get.

There are several things you can do with your black Moonstone and Green Aventurine. If they are small you can plant them with your seeds which is a really, really great idea. Or you can simply have them nearby.

Once all components of this ritual are complete, take the bay leaf and sleep with it underneath your pillow. On the following day burn your bayleaf my white candle🕯 and chant this spell

“With this new moon opportunities await. Abundance springing from the ideas I create.”

And voila, your ritual is complete.

Faithfully, forget the opportunities coming your way. Even after you’ve done this ritual, they’ll be totally unexpected.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Adventures in the #30dayORGASMfun

When Tabitha introduced us to the #30dayorgasmfun during the Eroticon meet and greet, I was definitely excited. However, I must admit I wasn’t expecting it to be anything more than just…well, fun. Oh, was I in for a special surprise.

Better Health Orgasms

With the 30 day orgasm fun, I can vouch that orgasms definitely give you a mental health boost. I’ve been feeling a lot less stress even when I’m stressed, if that makes sense.

I had my last therapy session 2 weeks ago, and as I talked with my therapist, I was happy to report no stress, no depression, and an increase in patience (still a work in progress). I am certainly in a better place from a vibrational perspective.

At one point during the challenge, I felt myself coming down with a cold. Who feels like masturbating when you feel like crap!? I did it anyway. I was fully committed to this challenge and thankfully so because it helped my body reject the virus. After only three days, I felt better. Now, I’m not saying that orgasms are the cure to the common cold, I am just telling you about this illustrious experience that I was having. It was pretty amazing.

Toys

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Thanks to Eroticon, I got the opportunity to try out some truly worthy sex toys that you definitely want to subscribe for the reviews to come. I wish I had had more toys to play with however, the lack of toys cause me to be a bit more creative.

As I mentioned in my sex toy Herstory post, I hadn’t had much experience with sex toys. Here was my opportunity to do some self-exploring.

I’ve learned that each sex toy offers a uniquely different experience. In some cases one is not even comparable to another; like the Zumio. It is truly a unique device in the most awesome way. My perspective on toys is very, very different now.

I got to experience some rather large toys, some small toys, dildos, non-penetrating vibrators, rumbly, and buzzy. Between rumbly and buzzy toys, they both give different types of orgasms and I really enjoy both types. They are two very different yet very awesome orgasmic experiences. I got to experience the longest orgasm I have ever had using a toy; 🤯 longest, emphasis on longest.

When time is of the essence

I kept a small journal so I was able to record sessions with different toys, with lube, without lube, in the bath if the toy was submersible. I was even able to record how long some masturbation sessions took.

I noticed that as the month progressed, I was better able to control my orgasms. I was learning more about where I experienced the most pleasure. I can certainly say with pinpoint accuracy that I get most of my pleasure on the right side of my clitoris.

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I learned my spots. I’m still learning my spots and I’m learning how to go directly to those spots instead of spending so much time searching around.

My sessions averaged a little over eight minutes. I did kind of dragged them out a little longer as I learn to control my orgasms because I was indeed having so much orgasm fun. So that may have had a bit of an effect on the average time. 😏

Debunking myths one sex toy induced orgasms at a time…

I have crazy stamina already, but I notice how this fun challenge was increasing my stamina. And I also discovered that even though I was masturbating everyday, I did not become less sensitive. In fact, I became more sensitive; more in touch with my sensitivity (myth debunked).

During this fun challenge I have learned so much about my body and not just my vulva and clitoris. Even though I did get to know them very intimately during this journey.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Self Discovery and Sex Magick

I am a practitioner of sex magick. I’ve been practicing Sex Magick for about 2 years now; 2 years exactly in June. This challenge has been instrumental in bringing my root chakra into alignment and it’s made me realize so many things about how sex directly corresponds to your passion and your desires. Oh my goodness! Such an epiphany has come to me through this fun challenge.

Having an orgasm everyday has made creating and channeling much more productive. I found it easier to focus my intention when I’m manifesting through climax.

Your root chakra is a compass and masturbation helps to calibrate that compass! Guiding you towards your passion. More to come on this in another post.

All the things you desire in life can be sensed by your body on a vibrational level. Everything has a frequency and having an orgasm a day puts you more in tune with that frequency.

This is such an amazing Discovery!

The goal was 30 days of orgasms and I am very proud of my 29 days strong. I did miss one day because of a water bug where the kids sleep. Even though our cat killed it, they were so scared they wanted to sleep in my bed. As you can imagine, I didn’t get to have my orgasm that night😒 but I made up for it big time (and still am)🤣🤣.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Although I did keep a journal, I realize, I did not record as much data as I could have in retrospect. I will definitely be doing this challenge again very soon when my apartment is free of children. There are so many things I want to try; so many toys I want to try; so many places I want to try them.

I mean I just never had a clue that orgasms could be so much more than fun. The 30-day orgasm challenge has definitely been an enlightening experience. I’d like to personally thank Miss Tabitha for coming up with this challenge, for introducing me to this challenge, and for being an amazingly profound woman.

Yes, the 30-day orgasm fun has ended but I don’t want to end it. fortunately for me it’s masturbation month, all May Long.

Confidence is just radiating from the pores of my skin to the gradients of my aura; an orgasm a day is literally giving me life.

A really awesome thing happens when you purchase the products I recommend. I get a small kickback at not cost to you! This post contains links to those awesome products. Click on them to learn more.

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Hashtag Datazz-Sinful Sunday

I had never been a fan of my ass. When I was young, I was told I didn’t have one. Imagine how that must feel as a black womxn.

I mean, you can’t be a real black woman if you ain’t got #datazz 🙄. Then I graduated to a lil booty and I fell in love…enough to cup.

Except is was actually a bit more than that. And apparently it’s quite a sight on all fours from behind.

Such a beautiful experience, listening to the magnificent moaning of men as you bring them the visual pleasures of #datazz.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- Sinful Sundays 368 datazz

#sinfulsunday 368

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Make Her Cumm Without Using Your Tongue

What if more men thought of sex as something you give a woman rather than something you get from a woman? Oh, how different sex might be!

There is a movement among us, a powerful movement sweeping the sexual freedom community. This movement calls for more and better external clitoral stimulation so that women, all women, may enjoy the pleasure of experiencing mind-altering ORGASMS and a higher frequency of said ORGASMS. The movement seems to particularly focused on oral stimulation of the clitoris. Yep, that’s right. Cunnilingus.

As a woman with a clitoris, I love clitoral stimulation and I am all for oral clitoral stimulation. But of course, I still must listen to guys say, “I should not be obligated to eat pussy if I don’t want to.” Same thing we’ve been saying about sucking dick, but I digress. And while I do so reluctantly, I can empathize with this. No one should be obligated to perform any sex act that they don’t desire to perform. However, getting the lady you are with to achieve ORGASM is still your responsibility and moral obligation. Yes, you read that correctly…MORAL OBLIGATION.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- Press Her Button- Clitoral Stimulation

Porn makes it seem like fellatio is a necessity when it comes to sex. We know that isn’t true. At least not from a climaxing perspective, however stimulation of the clitoris is absolutely necessary for many (most) women in order to climax. Mostly, that requires external stimulation most reliably achieved through oral stimulation though not always guaranteed due to a lack of skill.

Why don’t some men like to eat pussy? I don’t know but I’m like 90% certain that it has something to do with their conditioning in regards to the cleanliness of the vulva and vagina as well as menstruation.  I mean, at least from the many conversations I’ve had with guys. Other’s have shared that they can’t get past the taste. There have been a few I’ve been fortunate to persuade otherwise,😏 while others stand firmly by their “I do not eat pussy,” mantra. I guess you can’t win ’em all. 🤷🏾‍♀️

You remember Mike, right? I told you about Mike in my When did you first recognized you needed consent? post. Remember how I told you that I still have the most amazing orgasms with him? #TrueStory In fact, if I’m totally honest he gives me the best ORGASMS I’ve ever had at this stage in my life. Now, I’ll let you in on another secret. Mike has never, in the five years that I’ve known him, perform cunnilingus on me. And as far as I’m concerned, he never has to. I know you’re probably thinking, Whaaaaat? And I’m thinking yaaaaaasss.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- flower opening

Why? How? Firstly, I do not require external stimulation to reach ORGASM. Also because there’s obviously more than one way to stimulate the clitoris. Duh.

I mean I hope we know this. If we don’t, given the primitive way we deal with sex present day, very little surprises me.

I enjoy multiple types of clitoral stimulation that I will be sharing with you in this post. Hopefully, my experience can translate into a positive, more pleasurable experience for you and your vulva toting partner. I share all the details of how Mike makes me cum without ever using his tongue.

Toys.

Toys are not ideal for everyone. I didn’t start out with toys. Toys were not a part of my sex life until later on. Eventually, bullets became my go-to if I couldn’t get the real thing. Or I just didn’t feel like being bothered with the real thing or if the urge hit me instantly and there was no real thing around. So I’ll say I enjoy toys. They get me where I need to be and these days I’m learning to love them even more. Thanks to the #30dayorgasmfun. However, when it comes to sex, I absolutely crave human touch and this, my love, is my greatest dilemma.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- purple vibrator bullet in a gift box

I have been advised not to think of sex toys in this way, but rather as enhancements to your sexual interaction. I must admit that toys are mostly a distraction if I’m not using them alone. Mostly…but then that might be because I’m not doing it right or that I’m using the wrong kind of toys 🤔

Even so, I got into toys because I knew a chic in college who absolutely freaking love them. She was constantly dragging me into novelty stores saying, “Hey, Victoria oh my god you have to try this.” In retrospect, she would have been really, really great at selling sex toys.

Women who love toys do exist and since becoming a sex blogger I’ve met so many and it’s awesome. They’ve certainly ignited a deeper curiosity within me. Not that I ever questioned this possibility; I’ve just had such a limited experience with toys personally.

These days I do enjoy my guy using a toy to stimulate me. It’s always a fun teaching experience that ends with a lot of pleasure because of the intimacy and the laughter. While toys are not my first choice, they are definitely an option for assisting your partner in reaching ORGASM. Good vibes has an excellent selection if you’re looking for a few options right now.

All hands, but mostly fingers, on deck

Do it with your hands. As much as I love masturbating, it is even better when someone else does it for you. There is so much intimacy present as you stare into the face of your lover or enjoy some deep kissing while you bring them pleasure with your fingers and they just erupt in your hand. Ahhhh!

 

First time deliberately making someone cum with your fingers? Here’s my advice based on what I enjoy. Stick to external stimulation only…no fingering. Make sure you wash your hands first and rinse the soap completely. Your call, but consider clipping your nails. Use plenty of lube…no such thing as too much. Go slow…in the words of a well-circulated Meme…Calm down, it’s not a DJ booth. Follow their guided instruction. I know that I can’t help placing my finger over top and guiding the movement and pressure of the stimulation. Sooooo good.

Pay attention to how they respond physically and vocally. I kinda get annoyed if I tap my person and they continue doing the same thing. Even if you don’t know what something means, ask. And if I’m not enjoying it, I get very quiet. Fingerplay is definitely the best. Kissing plus finger play when my person’s a pro….Yaaaaasss.

Way to use your head

Last but certainly not least, men have this amazing ability to do this wonderful external clitoral stimulating thing with… get this, now… the head of their penis. Whoa! Absolute Magic. I would go so far to say pure sorcery. I close my eyes and I can’t tell the difference between the head of his penis and cunnilingus, except his body is pressing on top of mine. That is the only reminder. Once again, lube is your best friend.

Doing this with a nipple in your mouth 🤤. It’s not for everyone, but it’s definitely for me and maybe it might work for you, too. But if you’re new to this, just start out with one at a time. Once you catch a rhythm, jump on in with the second one. It kind of reminds me of double dutch. You got to have some talent and coordination to accomplish these things.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud- Tapping head meme

Now, this could present an issue for some because I know for me, I never used to do this type of stimulation because I just didn’t trust the guy I was with to see me through to ORGASM before he tries to put his dick inside my vagina. Thanks to the male privilege that values men’s pleasure over women’s pleasure, men tend to get ahead of themselves and think it’s perfectly acceptable to barge in without consent simply because they’re already so close. No, sir.

Those, my loves, are three ways that I enjoy external clitoral stimulation. No, cunnilingus required. Though highly recommended.

Bonus finger technique: I love this technique. It works super beautifully when I use it on myself and my partners. It’s a technique I discovered accidentally while masturbating one afternoon. With your finger, also works with your tongue or the head of your penis. You simply draw waning and waxing crescent moons over the clitoris over and over and over again.

Final thoughts on the whole, “I don’t eat pussy,” subject.

Just because you prefer not to eat the cookie, does not absolve you of seeing your partner through to a successful and complete ORGASM. They deserve it. #WomensOrgasmsMatter. Besides most vulva owners aren’t concerned about how we get it as long as we get it and the getting is good

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality- twitter poll

Oh and even if you do eat pussy, you can definitely use these to switch things up a bit. Like I said, I thoroughly enjoy all these different ways to climax. They each offer a different kind of experience. 😉

Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this moral obligation. Share your comments and related post links in the comment section below.

A really awesome thing happens when you purchase the products I recommend. I get a small kickback at not cost to you! This post contains links to those awesome products. Click on them to learn more.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Flirty & Fun Foot Fetish- Sinful Sunday

What is it about feet?

I’ve always loved mine. From my cute and stubby, fat toes to my beautifully curved arch, high instep, and thick, wide heel.

My feet have always brought me great pleasure being tickled, touched, kissed, and caressed.

When you tell people you wear a size 10 shoe they say, “Whoa, you got some big feet,” but I’ve always felt they were proportionate to my body.

Despite their size, I get compliments on them all the time.

Who would have ever thought that my feet, of all things, would be funding my passion!? Oh but they are in so many ways.

My clients are my faves because they spoil me endlessly and fuel my love of yes, feet!

#footfetish

#sinfulsunday

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When in London

It’s my first travel guide!😁🤗 And it’s from my recent trip to London for Eroticon 2018. I had such an amazing time. Take me back!

It has taken me way too long to write this short travel guy and I promise is going to be short. This is not a post to keep you on my blog past three minutes. Although, I do have some crazy long pieces like my 7 Truths About Being Non-monogamous post and the To Be a Sex-Positive Parent post. In my defense, they’ve been think pieces where I’m deep in thought processing my experiences through my writing. Such a thing could never be captured in a 500-word post. At least, I don’t think so.

Safe Travels:

The British Airways flight (connecting from American Airlines) was a 7-hour flight and it was a bit more pleasant than I had expected. Also because I was flying at night; so that was a plus. I slept most of the flight; probably would have done that anyway regardless of the time of day.

Although, I was a bit annoyed at the placement of a screaming baby on the seats in front of mine. Fortunately, I can sleep straight through almost any noise. It’s only touching me while I’m sleeping that I cannot tolerate.

Ways to Pay

So first things first: passport, boarding pass, — check, leggo. When traveling in London on the railway system and lines, it’s best to go Contactless. You can even do Contactless from your phone via Google Pay. Awesomeness and hella convenient. You set up your cards on Google pay. Once it’s all set up, you simply unlock your phone and tap it wherever you see the Contactless symbol.

Prior to this trip to London I had no idea about Contactless. I hadn’t heard about it. I had occasionally seen that little symbol  but all I hear is Apple pay here in the states.

And if you don’t have a Contactless card or access to it via Google play or just don’t feel comfortable setting that up that way, then you’ll do just fine with an Oyster card. Be careful on your travels on the tube. I found that it was difficult for some people to muster up an excuse me or maybe they just didn’t speak my language. And stand to the right on the subway escalator because the left is for people that are going to keep moving instead of just standing. Such etiquette over there! I love it.

The underground subway lines are called the tube and different lines have different names. You’re going to need a map.

Place to Stay

While visiting London I stayed at the Generator Hostel. It was pretty nice. I have zero experiences with hostels so this was my first. I’ve gotta say I’m really impressed. I also enjoy being in communal spaces like these particularly for the enjoyment of people watching.

As an Empath, I really enjoy being around different types of energy. It’s an enlightening experience.

Anyhoo, if you’re going to stay at Generator Hostel make sure you bring toiletries, shower tote for your bathtime goodies (I’d say a caddy that’s much too bulky. Unless it’s one of those foldable caddies) towel, and shower shoes and cap.

They serve breakfast and have lockers where you can lock up your things but that’s extra. If you don’t want to purchase a locker, they do have like these little rolling drawers under your bed that you can put a lock on. So you could very well just empty your suitcase into those drawers and then put a lock on your drawer. That way you can just have the suitcase there in the room with you. It took me a day to figure that out. Ahh, well.

The hostel was very nice and they even call a taxi for you but I wouldn’t recommend it for people with fragrance allergies. Random, I know. I have a sensitive nose, but fortunately for staying in hostels, no fragrance allergies.

Easy Peasy

Before traveling, I thought I was going to have to like call my credit card companies and let them know that I would be out of the country and call my cell phone company and go through all of that yada yada yada but I didn’t. (total run-on)

My credit cards are with Capital One so I have the Capital One app. There was simply an alert sent to my email to ask whether or not I was making certain transactions. Once I hit the little “that was me” link in the email I was good to go. Way convenient. My phone plan is through Verizon and I was able to get the daily Travel Pass which is like $10 a day for talk text and data only on the days you use it. Extra awesomeness!

If you don’t have access to travel pass or something similar, you can always download WhatsApp because they have lots and lots of free Wi-Fi access.

I really thought I was going to have to bum Wi-Fi the entire trip which had me so bummed out. No pun intended. 🤣

For the Sake of Convenience

Three apps that you might want to download for your trip includes the my taxi app, National Rail, and you probably already have Uber. Downloading the app for the airline company you’re flying with would be pretty convenient as well.

I’m not really one for seeing the sights when I visit places. For some reason I’d rather go shopping and mingle with people. But if you do plan to get out and see the sights, prepare to get pushed around by tiny, older Asian women when exploring tourist areas.

There are lots of cash machines with free cash withdrawals (no ATM fee) that will give you the British money for the American money that’s from your debit card. Best of all they advertise how much you have to pay before you even stick your card in the machine. Take note America. It’s the little things.

Random Tidbits

Just a bit of signage as we come to the end of this post… The lift is the elevator the toilet is of course the restroom and the way out is the exit.

People often ask me if I had a difficult time understanding their British accents. Honestly they have more trouble understanding this slight southern drawl American accent and my nasally descent from a cold I took on before I left the states.

I truly enjoyed Eroticon and London was so good to me. So looking forward to my next trip.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

Favorite Things Eroticon

Erotic on UK was so freaking awesome! Oh my gosh! I have spent the last few days processing and writing down all of these wonderful ideas. It was my very first trip to London and I cannot wait to go back next year.

Okay, so how did I even get to London in the first place?

I happened to be having a chat with my good friend Isabelle of IsabelleLauren.com. We were discussing the details of the Summer 100 Sex Blogger Blog Challenge. You should join this year. It’s a great way to build relationships with other sex writer and creatives as well as SEO for your blog. I was also sulking a bit over the overwhelmingness of my life. 😔

During our conversation, Isabelle started talking about Eroticon UK and how she was a bit nervous to meet everyone, but very much looking forward to attending. I had heard of a Eroticon but I didn’t know much about it. As she was explaining to me about the sex writers event, I immediately begin looking for flights to London so that I could attend. It was so random and so spontaneous. It was precisely what I needed.

Eroticon Selfie

This being my first Eroticon, I had no clue what to expect.

When I arrive to the mixer on Friday, I was promptly and warmly greeted by Molly and Michael. It was such a wonderful experience. It felt so awesome that they knew who I was and the conversation just sparked. It was just such a welcoming experience; such beautiful, beautiful hospitality.

I got the opportunity to chat and have drinks and eats with so many other sex writers and creatives.

Meet and Greets

One thing you might notice about me is anytime I go anywhere it’s my connection with people that I enjoy and value the most. I love that Eroticon had so many awesome people that there was just not enough time to connect with everyone. There’s always next year, though.

I had a little photo op with Aurora, Petra, and Sarah.

I enjoyed sweet potato fries with the creators of the couple’s app Desire, and lots of orgasm talk with Tabitha.

Tabitha invented the Ruby Glow which I cannot wait to try, and if you haven’t signed on for the #30-dayorgasmfun, you should.

After the self-editing workshop, I got to chat briefly with Mia of Mia-More. Thank you so much for that conversation. She is such a beautiful, beautiful spirit.💖

 

Favorite Displays

There was such a great mix of products and companies.

I really enjoyed my chat with Mark at the Fetish.com display. We had an insightful conversation about SEO, and I later attended their workshop which just added icing to the cake.

At The Bijoux display, I was so excited to learn that all of their products are 100% vegan. Oh my gosh! Love, love, love it. I cannot wait to plan this trip to Barcelona.

Also I cannot wait for the launch of Love Giver. I know it’s going to be such an awesome sex creators community. I was jumping up and down at the table because I was like, “Oh, we really really need this.” Plus, I love, love, love this mug!!!

Eroticon UK LoveGivr mug

Of course, Tabitha was super awesome at the Rocks-Off display. I kept coming back because her energy was magnetic. The table was quite colorful and attractive. I am so glad I got the pleasure to meet her and hang out with her several times; Friday at the mixer, Saturday at the conference, and then Saturday evening at The Edinboro Castle pub social.

Sex Talk & Takeaways

We all deserve to make money doing something we love. 🤑💦 I love orgasms and I love teaching people about orgasms. That’s what I got from the “How to Make Money from your Blog Without Losing Your Soul or Your Audience”. Kayla Lords gave so much awesome advice that I plan to put to use immediately.

Vlogging is something that I really enjoy doing so I couldn’t wait to hear Hannah Witton’s talk on Vlogging 101. I got so much great insight. I am seriously considering starting a vlog. Who knows, perhaps I’ll launch this summer…🤔

As a storyteller who is constantly writing in passive voice, perhaps too often, I really appreciated all that Anna Sky had to offer in her Self-editing Tips and Tricks workshop. Remember, if you can add “by a zombie” to the end then it’s in the passive voice.

Wishful Wishlist

In the beginning, I wasn’t sure I wanted to get too involved in sex toys and such. However, after an entire year of deliberation (and trying a few toys on my own), I feel like I’m ready.

I had a great talk with Alex at the 🐙 Hot Octopuss table. He really knows his shit and I was so sold on the Hot Octopuss that I cannot wait to try it.

After being wand shamed by William at the Doxy display, I’m so ready to get my hands on the Doxy to truly experience what all the hype is about. *Rubs hands together cynically* After all, I’m from America, home of the wands…according to William anyway.

I fell in love with harnesses after wearing one in my recent photo shoot. I currently have eyes for this beauty by the the all vegan Bijoux Indiscrets. YASSSSS! I love their products simply because I love pretty things…including an adorable vibrating diamond we got in our #swagbags.

Bijoux Indiscrets Eroticon UK display

Me Things

I was so excited that my #WomensOrgasmsMatter badges were such a huge hit at the conference. Everyone was looking for me to get their hands on a badge. I ended up running out. Next time I’ll be better prepared.

After attending Eroticon, I’ve learned yet something new about myself. I’m totally into kink. 😲As I’ve been sharing this with my friends, none of them seem to be surprised 😆. So then, why am I so surprised? 🤔 I truly enjoyed making my mini flogger with Kink Craft.

Finally, I learned that I share so many parallels with Girl on the Net when in comes to sexual pleasure. That being as it is, I am so excited to have this work of art in my possession. It’s already sooooo good.

Girl on the Net- Book- Eroticon UK

Eroticon UK has been such an awesome experience. I cannot wait to next year!

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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My Sex Toy HERstory

Ever since I started my blog I’ve been contemplating doing a few sex toy reviews. Mostly for pleasure which is why I’ve wanted to tell this story for a while.

The legend

I got my first dildo as a teenager in high school. Yeah, funny story actually. My 18 year old boyfriend bought it for me as a gift. When he gave it to me I was like, “Oh,” but on the inside I was more like “What the fuck is this?” By now he had spent enough time with me to be able to read me. He saw the look on my face and immediately begin explaining what it was for and how it was used which I kinda knew, but I was still like why are you bringing me this when I have your dick at my disposal. 😈

It was pink and curved and jellied (yes unfortunately); those dreadfully toxic, jelly dildos. I didn’t know then what I know now about toxic toys.

It had a built-in vibrator with different pulses and speeds. We used it together once and I did not enjoy that at all, but I kept it to use when I was alone. I did not put it back into my vagina though and only used it as a clitoral vibrator. Mostly this was because I don’t really like toys that penetrate, even present-day so there goes that. I’m hoping to find a toy that will change that.

Remember when the rabbit was real popular

My mom usually kept a single dildo on deck. Her favorite was the Rabbit with the pearls that swirled around the dildo part that had the bullet vibrator with the rabbit sleeve to stimulate the clitoris. Y’all know what I’m talking about.

She usually kept it tucked away in the bottom drawer in her room. I know this because I am the one that usually put away her clothes. My mom would often sleep out on the couch; she just thought it was more comfortable. One day in particular my boyfriend and I decided to clean up as a surprise for her when she returned home.

He reached between the cushions of the sofa, grabbed some mysterious object and pulled it out only to discover that it was my mother’s dildo. I died of laughter. However he did not find it funny AT ALL. He made this face like he wanted to throw up, And he was absolutely done cleaning for the rest of the day. 🤣🤣🤣 I still laugh so hard when I tell this story.

So this is not necessarily my personal experience with sex toys but it is certainly a hilarious story. Don’t you think so. 😂

A story about vibrators and toxic dildos

Eggs aren’t just for the easter bunny

In my next experience, I find myself sitting in the dorm room of a college peer enjoying this magical, first time experience of simultaneous masturbation. She introduces me to a double, silver egg bullet vibrator; “One for you and one for me,” she says to me. Like I may have mentioned before, I’m an all hands on deck type of chick so at this point I’ve had very limited personal experience with clitoral stimulating toys or toys at all for that matter.

We both lie in bed beside each other moaning to the feels of our pleasure and the sound of one another’s pleasure. If you have never had an orgasm via what I like to call side-by-side masturbation you are missing out on one of life’s GREATEST ADVENTURES.

From then on, I kept bullets for masturbation. You can read my masturbation story, too.

Yes, I was a Passion Parties consultant….briefly

Fast forward to after the birth of my first child, I became a Passion Parties consultant. I do not believe they exist any longer and have been taken over by Pure Romance. That experience was largely uneventful except that during that period I got to try out a lot of different toys.

Bullets and vibrators and waterproof vibrators, G-spot simulators and yeah. All that good stuff.

sex toy party ecard

At this stage of my life, I was not very comfortable openly discussing sex and pleasure with strangers. So I wasn’t a great sex toy saleswoman. There was still a lot of shame surrounding sex especially because there was now physical proof that I had engaged in the act. As crazy as that might sound, it’s true.

Present day Victoria’s Vulva

Present day I own one large pink suction cup silicone dildo that I purchased at Wood Hull last year, a purple Calexotics vibrating dildo that has died so many times that I refuse to purchase any more batteries which brings me to my most recent toy purchase, a rechargeable Nu Sensuelle bullet. My very first rechargeable sex toy but oh no, it won’t be my last.

When I started this blog I was excited for the opportunity to review sex toys. I am not so easy to please when it comes to this toy thing. I am definitely a hard sale. I have to be convinced. I really don’t have too much experience in the area of sex toys, because a)they don’t appeal to me and b)I don’t understand what all the hype is about. I would really like that to change.

Can a toy actually bring me as much pleasure as the real thing?


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Being A Black Mother in America: A Recent Encounter with Law Enforcement

Disclaimer: This post is not about sexuality.

On Saturday, I experienced a very traumatic event. I was stopped by an officer and subjected to what seems to be a common experience between black people in America and law enforcement. At 32, this was my first and only experience with such a situation.

Of everything that I had gone through, the most hurtful things that I heard came from people closest to me. Some in the way of passive victim-blaming.

Thing one:

Did you record it? You should know better than that by now.

Yes, I certainly do. I know that if I attempt to record I could potentially record my own murder and that is not something I want the world and most of all my children to have to watch over and over again. In the midst of the situation, I was truly amazed at how at peace I was. Many things crossed my mind and each one so clear, clearer than ever. The Universe whispered to me be still a few times throughout the incident.

Thing two:

Well at least he acknowledged your son.

It is so sad how we’ve come to view the bare minimum as acceptable and I see this phenomenon everywhere, especially among our youth in school. “Well, at least I did something,” they say of their work assignments.

At least he acknowledged my son? Barely and this is not acceptable.

“You could have been dragged from your car, thrown to the ground, and held at gunpoint until we determine that you weren’t a threat,” the officer says to me in front of my son. “But fortunately that didn’t happen because you have your kid in the car and that would have been a bad thing for him to have to see.”

This would have been a bad thing for him to see? Not a bad thing for an officer of the law to do or not for an officer to even threaten to do within earshot of my son but just a bad thing for my son to have to see.

This officer caused me undue stress and psychological trauma; a memory that will dwell with me for my eternal beingness but we have to find someplace to give him some kind of credit so at least he acknowledged your son.

No, no, no! None of that shit is acceptable. NONE of it. You have no right to threaten a person of bodily harm, especially one that has shown no physical or verbal aggression towards you in anyway.

Thing three:

Be careful out here.

This comment wasn’t as hurtful as the thought that it invoked.

My response was, how does one be careful in such a situation, I wonder. I stopped without incident. I was calm. Yet he still approached me with an aggressive and threatening tone. The scariest thing was knowing that there is no way to guarantee my own safety in such a situation.

Even so, in the midst of this terrifying situation, I recognize this familiar feeling. That feeling you get when you know a person is threatened by you. As scary as the situation was, I felt so empowered by that feeling. Clearly it was not my skin that was threatening to him; it was not my demeanor; it was not my behavior; it was not my actions; it was not my tone, so he was clearly threatened by a presence that could not be physically observed. The presence of a great and immeasurable power.

This was a feeling that I could never figure out. I could never figure out what would possess a person to dislike or hate another person that they knew absolutely nothing about so much so that they would threaten them with physical harm and in the process cause psychological trauma. My mother would often try and help me make sense of this experience.

This officer is clearly threatened by my presence, by my Beingness, by my very physical existence in this world but why is a question I’d often ask my mother.

She’d tell me, it’s because you’re beautiful, because you’re intelligent, and because they want what you have. Those things, those beautiful things my mother taught me about myself are preserved in my soul, eternally. This officer recognize my power, he was intimidated and threatened by that power so he attempted to project them into the world and into me so that I might react in a threatening manner and give him a reason to try to stifle or even kill my power.

You can kill the revolutionary but you cannot kill the revolution. Fred Hampton

But I was on my way to see the Black Panther movie and I was so inspired and so empowered just by the mere thought that I was going to see this movie My Soul said to me, he will take nothing from you today and you will not give him anything. And with those words I mustered up all the apathy I had inside which is not very difficult, and that is what I gave him all while being 100% compliant to his direction.

You think that might help him calm down, nope and his partner’s support of his attempt to justify his behavior and state of mind didn’t help either.

Many questions cross my mind one was, Are police officers trained to subject people to such psychological trauma? Another question was, Would he do this to me if I were a white woman? Why is this even necessary? It certainly qualifies as excessive use of force in my book.

It was quite an interesting social experience that I am thankful to have lived to tell about as crazy as that statement is to me.

“Routine Police Interaction Turns Deadly.”

I don’t even watch the news so I certainly don’t want my own segment. This is just one of those things that just happens to other black people well it happened to me. #theotherblackpeople

This incident may have been racially motivated but it was not about race. It was so clear to me that this incident was about power, the power that that officer thought he had over me, but quickly realized that that wasn’t so and so he came at me in an aggressive manner. Perhaps half hoping to get a rise out of me; to get an excuse for what he might have done. Something that I think he’d certainly planned to do because he verbalized it quite well.

Why did he feel that it was necessary or even appropriate to threaten me in such a violent manner?

I’m still sorting through all my feels and affects. My son is unbothered by the entire situation because I raise him this way.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and support.

Happy 32nd Journey Around the Sun

At the start of 2017, I was in such a crappy mood. I didn’t celebrate my 31st birthday. I just wasn’t feeling it and I gave myself permission to be in my feelings. I felt like something needed to change, and things were changing in that precise moment.

I was born on this day. It was Friday, January 17th 1986 at 22:26.

As we approach the astrological location of my birth, I’d like to take this time to thank year 31 for the many gifts it brought.

★Thank you for revealing my passion. My greatest gift in year 31. #WomensOrgasmsMatter

★Thank you for the magic of being able to wear my heart on my sleeve, and granting me the freedom to love without attachment.

★Thank you for my new found confidence and sexiness that gets on everything and everyone around me. Mommy bodies are STILL sexy bodies.

★Thank you for my subscribers, those who support my message, and seek me out for advice, support, and collaboration.

★Thank you for believing in me and trusting me with these gifts.

★Thank you for a healthier version of me. #vegangains

★Thank you for the magick.

★Thank you for guidance, peace, and the support of my tribe in the midst of a literal storm: Hurricane Harvey.

★Thank you for all of the wonderful friendship from those who were once strangers.

★Thank you for bringing me grand spiritual understanding.

★Thank you for my greatest income yet and more where that came from.

★Thank you for bringing me courage as I strut into year 32.

I am so grateful for this last year. There has been exponential growth in the most profound and unexpected ways. I have not felt more ready, more prepared for the things to come. Year 31 has inspired me so much in the pursuit of my purpose. It has shown me that I am my greatest discovery.

No, this isn’t a very long post. It doesn’t need to be. Besides, it’s my bearth day. I gotta go do birthday shit!

I encourage you all to join me on this powerful journey. I welcome you on this journey. I want you on this journey with me. As I approach 1k followers on Instagram, I invite you to witness my joy and excitement in year 32.

I don’t want to do this without you. All of the follows, likes, shares, comments, they encourage me so much. Although, I am mostly on Instagram, follow me on all of my social platforms and if you want to get the best parts of me…SUBSCRIBE!

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When did you first recognize you needed consent?

The first time I knew I needed consent.

It was May 2013. I had received a judicial order to return to my residential state that accused me of endangering my children and removing them without parental consent. In the months prior to this, my mother had ascended, I’d given birth to my second child, and found myself in a volatile domestic situation that had led to my homelessness.

The world was a dark place and I was ready to find my corner and settle in.

The dark place

I can’t remember the exact date I met Mike. Rewind to a few hours prior to our meeting, my mother in law had arrived to pick up the kids. She hadn’t seen them in a couple of months and I was exhausted. I scheduled the hand off and had planned to take refuge beneath the warmth and darkness of layers of covers: quilts, comforter and anything else I could pile on in order to block out the world and sleep away my existence.

Just as I was settling into my dark and warm, woman-made cocoon, a voice in my head said, “Fuck this shit.” I immediately popped out of bed. Not knowing how long I’d be displaced, I had tried to conserve the last $200 in my checking account knowing there would be no more coming in due to my inability to work the job I had recently secured.

I decided instead to go get a nice pedicure and temporarily forget about the fucked up situation I was in. And it worked, for as long as I was there.

When the Universe has a change of plans

As I exited the nail shop, I didn’t actually want to leave. I didn’t feel like going back into my depression. I don’t like it there. I thought of staying to get more stuff done because a girl can spend all day in the nail salon with great purpose. Then I had to realistically re-assess my money situation.

I walked towards my step mother’s red SUV digging around in my purse for the key when a voice in my head which had never been so clear before that moment said firmly, “STOP.”

I stopped and continued to search for the key in pockets and creases of my handbag. Found them and right next to them were my sunglasses. I pulled them out and placed them on my face. Then a voice said to me, “Is that what you were looking for?” Only this time it wasn’t in my head. It was coming from Mike.

Mister, Mr. Mike

Mike had been loitering in front of the barbershop next door, casually scrolling through his phone. I looked over at him, smiled from behind my sun glasses, made some brief statements and continued to the car. I sat for a moment pretending to answer a text that hadn’t actually come through silently asking the Universe to send him over. I felt like it was a long shot just because by now I was already inside the car, but I desperately needed someone to talk to.

Imagine my joy and surprise when the guy who had once been standing outside the barber shop was now at my window. I’ve never been a fan of small talk…not really. The conversations started with a bit of small talk age, place of origin, marital status, things like that, then quickly escalated to me spilling the contents of my current tragedy.

Mike decided not to join me on my pity party. Instead, he made light of it and that made me smile uncontrollably. Then to me smiling so much he responded, “That is why I had to come talk to you. Your smile is so gorgeous.” More uncontrollable smiling followed. He asked me for my phone number. I recall him say, “You said yes so fast I thought it was a no.”

When did you first recognize you needed consent?

 

I can’t put my finger on it but it’s different

I’d never met anyone like him. He asked me out on odd outings. He was extremely soft spoken. Often I had to ask him to repeat himself. He had a calming energy and the sexiest swag I know to date.

After several dates, conversations, and hand holding sessions, I wanted to take things farther. Actually I wanted to take it further days prior but I was still adjusting to my new self and trying to exercise some self-control. Which is not something I’d had to do in such a long time. Mike made it easy though.

One day he called me up and asked me would l like to go out…he listed off a couple of places to which I said no to them all. He then asked if I’d like to get a room. I promptly responded affirmatively.

It had been a while since I’d had sex with anyone besides my soon to be ex husband and it had even been several months since that had even occurred. I was a lactating mess and a nervous wreck. Mike did not care. His energy said so.

Insert Consent [HERE]

We sat on the bed beside one another almost as if it were our first time and in some ways, it was his first time with me, my first time with him, our first time experiencing such a CONNECTION which is something I would later learn.

It was so funny because I was pretending to be deeply entrenched in what was happening on the television when he tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to face him and he said to me, “Do you like to kiss; Would you like to kiss me?”

I SMILED so hard it still hurts my face when I think about it. I could not recall a time before or after that any person has asked permission to access my body. That was the most AWESOME kiss ever in the history of my life. He’d actually asked before kissing me! That was such a huge, “WHOA!” moment for me.

I love you, Mike!

Now, there is such a thing as nonverbal consent and I’m really big and obvious when it comes to this type of consent. However, it was at this moment that Mike asked me for a kiss that I realize how much validation, security, openness, and vulnerability comes with certain verbal consent. How wonderful to feel both VULNERABLE and SECURE as a simultaneous emotion!

I still have the best orgasms with him.


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