Sometimes we think of sex toys as replacements for actual sexual intercourse but what are they really for.

I don’t need a toy; I need the real thing 🍆

You will find the word sex toy a lot in this post since it is indeed about sex toys. In the finale of the summer 100, you will find that I have linked the words “sex toy(s)” to several awesome sex toy stories and reviews so that you can discover the world of sex toys from a variety of perspectives! 🤗

Sometimes we think of sex toys as replacements for actual sexual intercourse but what are they really for.

What is the purpose of sex toys anyway?

Are they for…

A) relaxation
B) pleasure or
C) a replacement for actual intercourse

This past May my child-free friend, Christy invited all of her friends with children over to her home for a nice little barbecue and pool party. 🏊

As we gathered for drinks and conversation, I told the ladies a little bit about who I am and what I do as a sex blogger. I gave them each a copy of my business card and of course, my women’s orgasms matter button and we started in on a conversation about sex toys.

“I have one,” one of the ladies shared. “I’ve been using it a lot since I’ve been single.”

“I don’t need a sex toy,” another one said. “I need the real thing.”

Sex toys are cool; I have a few, but I have a man now though so I haven’t used them in awhile.” the last one shared.

“Well, Vikki can certainly tell you anything you need to know about sex toys and her blog is so amazing 🥰,” my friend Christy chimed in.

Although, I know this isn’t totally true, the fact that I have mad resources thanks to my sex blogger posse filled with toy reviewers, I could certainly get these ladies all the information they desired.

Sex Toys & Group Think

In retrospect, I can recall many situations of both directly and indirectly associating the use of toys with being single or not having a person there to assist me in fulfilling my sexual desires. In my mind, that’s what sex toys were for.

As each of us shared our stories about our experience with sex toys, how we use them, and the purpose we see in sex toys, I begin to notice a theme and it was not unlike my own thoughts about sex toys before embarking on my blogging journey and eventually the 30-day orgasm fun challenge.

Why do we believe the things we believe about things we've never experienced?

When I started my blog back in February of 2017, I had no interest in sex toys or plans of incorporating them into my sex blogging journey because of this belief. Little did I realize the Universe definitely had other plans.

This encounter cause me to question what we believe the purpose of sex toys to be and how I and other sex bloggers and individuals who use sex toys regularly could possibly change this perception. I’ll admit, I’m probably a bit easier to convince than average. After all, my motto has always been, “I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it.”

I’ve noticed that so many of us, most specifically black women, who lack experience with them believe that sex toys are replacements for actual bodies. This statement absolutely includes me.

It was during this conversation by the pool with these ladies that I realized my belief about sex toys acting as replacements for bodies had actually been a symptom of group-think.

Group-think can be this thing that happens when we believe something about people, places, things, or ideas often times without having any experience in whatever that thing is and allowing those beliefs to influence how we interact with those people, those places, or those things/ideas.

And here, we hold these ideas about sex toys without actually having much experience with sex toys at all.

The Pleasure Advocate

The pleasure advocate

I shared with these ladies that I once held their same perspective. Then I got the opportunity to dive into a world of sex, including the toys, and I quickly learned that there are so many sex toys that do so many magical things. Sex toys don’t replace bodies; they can’t! In retrospect I think to myself, what a silly thought. How did I even come up with that?

They are there in some ways to enhance bodies, to compliment bodies, and to help us explore and discover our bodies in new ways; in spiritual ways even; in ways we might not have explored our own being-ness had we not been introduced to toys. I can certainly say all of those are true for me.

As we sat at the poolside between sipping mimosas🍹 and reapplying sunblock to our children, I continued telling the ladies about rechargeable toys and some of my specific favorites including the zumio and all the satisfyers 😍. I could tell by the expression on their faces that this was all new territory for them as it had been for me.

I had no idea of the power and magic so eloquently dubbed “the wand” that could be held in the palm of one’s hand. I explained how the design and technology of sex toys has evolved to more pleasure centered roles with research to support. So much so that you might actually discover new ways to orgasm, new kinds of orgasms, and that even the same type of orgasm can feel vastly different depending on the type of sex toy you’re using.

They were all suddenly wide-eyed 👀 and intrigued. “I’m going to have to take a look into these new toys,” one of the ladies responded. Success! My work is done. I can officially add sex toy pleasure advocate to my resume. 🥰✊🏿🤩

I am a total sex toy novice and I love, love, love sharing all of the new discoveries I make with my own body. So I encourage you to dive into the world of toys and see what new things you might find.


Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Signs of Men I’ve Loved

Spending this last week with my love has me thinking about all the men I love and connecting the dots of what they all might have in common. I absolutely love the way we do relationships in a variety of ways including this way as expressed by May More.

One thing I’ve noticed is that I’m forever falling for society’s weirdos. The ones that have been called “Gay” “weird” “Black Sheep” etc. They move differently; all of them sensing or sensitive type. I would even venture so far as to say they are all Empaths like me… Perhaps.

As we all know by now if you follow this blog, I am polyamorous. When I fall in love, I don’t fall out or at least I never have. I might grow apart from the person I love, however to this day I love them still. I think about them often and some are still in my life. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

One thing I love about me is that I love in the moment and without attachment. If my journey with the someone I love has ended, I accepted it as such because I know I can never lose that love. They may have brought it out, but that love originates in me. At its source, love is infinite.

So without further Ado let’s get into this, shall we.

The sign of the first guy I ever loved at 14 years old. Yeah, I know too young blah blah. Yet, here I am at 32 still claiming him as my love and he claims me as well. We know what it is… anywho.

Leo a fire sign— what did I love about this guy. First of all, needless to say weirdo 😆. He was/is a “fuck you looking at” class clown type to make me laugh until my stomach hurt. I love the things he said about me; the way he talked about me to other people when I wasn’t around.

The messages would always get back to me. In my head, I would be like, “Aww, he said that about me.”

I’ve always expressed my love through touch and words of affirmation. I like writing letters and almost every man I love his gotten a letter in some form from me.

Today, I’m learning that my love is actually in writing down my feelings.

Next up, the Sagittarius. I fell in love with how this man was on a mission to find out who I was before ever approaching me. He interviewed a couple of folks from my neighborhood. I thought it was the cutest thing ever. I also love the way he’d stare at my lips and into my eyes as I was talking while actually listening because you know I test for these things 😆. Again, he was constantly verbally expressing what he loves about me and why he loves me. What can I say, I love hearing beautiful honest and unusual things about myself. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Next up, another Sag. He once said to me, “You are so beautiful.” I said, “I know.” He responded, “No, you don’t have a clue.” I knew in that moment that he could see who I am. He took such care with me. He was corny level hilarious and I was partly laughing with him and at him at the same time. He’d often share the private men-folk conversations that were being had about me. People didn’t know we were dating so he enjoyed listening to the conversations. We’d laugh about them later.

If you’re noticing, all of my lovers so far have been Fire signs, but this one is a Cancer.😭 My first water sign. Seeing him cry was a beautiful experience. It’s funny now because the interwebs are always talking about Cancers the criers.

I’d rarely seen men cry outside of the death of a loved one. I loved his effort. His willingness to step outside his comfort zone. So sensitive 😍, verbally expressive of his love for me, very protective of me, defending my honor when I wasn’t there to speak for myself. You know the type.

Them : Shut up, you just saying that cuz you like her.
Him: So

I love a man with integrity. Obviously here in lies a trend. He could read me like a book and I loved it because it meant he was paying attention, close attention to the things I didn’t say.

Water sign once again, this time a Scorpio. This one doesn’t do much talking, but his expression towards me and to the things I say are everything. His smile, his eyes, his laugh, his eyebrows say it all. The way he reacts to me, staring at me when I’m asleep, and kissing me awake. The Cancer would do these things as well. All the PDA is my fave. He once made me a mixtape. It was actually a CD; mixtape just sounds better.

He loves to kiss. ‘Kisses all ova’ is what he text me. The way each of them expresses his love is what I seem to be falling in love with.

And Sagittarius is up once again. Could you guess that he’s a clown; silly and sensitive. Fire signs aren’t known for being sensitive, but they are… at least the ones I’ve dated. His words, his integrity… very protective of me and he expressed his love for me through the care of my children and of course of me. He was so selfless in his love for us. I never experienced that before; Even being married.

Then there was a Pisces; the briefest love affair I’ve ever experienced… I’m still in love with the magic of how it all went down. When we touched, energy surged through my body. I never had such a physical reaction to someone before. It was instant and we were inseparable for about 36 hours give or take. Once again, protective of me always in a chivalrous way. The way he talked about me with his mother 😍 He is super silly, resourceful, talented, skilled and also a clown.

They’ve all been the resourceful and very family oriented: home, children, siblings. I tend to attract men with historically (not scientifically) feminine characteristics.

Some might say that I couldn’t possibly have been in love that many times, but I say love is a friend that I’d recognized anywhere and it was so easy to identify in these men that I love.

These are all the signs of the men I love. What patterns do you notice? People boast of falling in love twice in their lifetime or three times. I guess I’m lucky in love; currently at 7. Oh My polyamorous 💓.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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art by tinamariaelena

Sex with Strangers

In the heat of summer on an early Saturday evening, a beautiful woman of few friends and mild social anxiety can be found scrolling the personal ads of her local online classifieds to see what wonders there are to discover: long term relationships, casual encounters, women for men, women for women, women for more women.

She doesn’t find any ad that piques her interest, so she decides to place one of her own. She’s a talented writer with an entrenched love for writing. She fills her ad with poetic symphonies of iambic pentameter; words of truth from her heart. She writes in a way that people placing ads for online personals just don’t write. Not so, “Let’s just cut to the chase.” It’s a waste; nothing there anyway but weirdos and creeps, scammers, sex trafficers, and desperate souls. Oh, but she is neither and yet she is here. She’s just a lonely girl fishing to fill her Saturday night with a bit of fun and fresh delight.

Sex with Strangers

I don’t know about anyone else, but I do enjoy the thought of the occasional risque rendezvous of encounters with strangers; nameless sex in unknown territory. Sometimes it magically morphs into more and those are the times I risk it all for. No pressure. Millenials are indeed recreating the dynamics of relationships.

I’ve met a few friends through the ads of online classifieds. Imagine my devastation when I discovered such a venue no longer exists.

We all do relationships a bit differently from meetings and individual introductions to sexual encounters and all facets of relationships.

This is one way I do or rather did them. Now, SESTA and FOSTA and the entire 45 administration is destroying what I suspect had been a way of doing relationships for many of us introvert, socially awkward and anxious type.

Anonymous Debut

Ever since the internet debuted in my life in the eighth grade, I’ve resorted to late night chat room conversations to keep me entertained in the realm of relationships. I truly enjoy the mystery and vulnerability of it all. Chat room therapy is what I once called it. Pouring out my truest confessions to faceless human persons while sitting nude in dim light gives new meaning to being naked.

I’ll be the first to admit that the potential for sex with a stranger excites me a lot more than actually following through on it. In my head, I romanticize it so much that I’m really just scared it won’t be remotely anything the way I see it in my mind’s eye.

In the words of a close friend of mine, “You can’t expect romance in a one night stand.” 🙄 I’m still not sure where we get such ideas from. Romance is so perfect for one night stands and I’ll tell you why just not today.

Casual Encounters

I’m just concerned that sex with a stranger might be all icky and objectified; sex without the connection.

Although, there was that one time that was quite magical. I had been fantasizing about a mmf (male, male, female) threesome, but there was no one in my life with whom I felt remotely comfortable in carrying out this fantasy with, so I placed my very specific request in the casual encounters section of the online classifieds.

Jay responded.

art by tinamariaelena

I’ve always been wary of mmf encounters because of the stigmas associated with them. There was a recent discussion on Instagram about reprogramming and reconstructing these ideas of multiple men having sex with one women.

I’d had a mmf threesome long ago that I mentioned in my 9 Tips for Her Better Oral Pleasure post. It was an unplanned pleasant experience. I wanted to have that again, but based on the stories I’d heard from other women, my experience was a lucky one; I felt like the probability of it happening again in that positive way was unlikely without some sort of guidance on my part.

Fortunately, Jay understood precisely what I needed and oh boy did he deliver. He and his close friend saw me through multiple selfless, pleasurable, shameless, and stigma-free squirting orgasms.

Would I have been able to have this had it not been for the ease of stranger encounters via online classifieds? Perhaps. Maybe not.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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All Opposed to Cunnilingus Say I

Vaginas are not that complicated

Pussy is not that anatomically complicated. People are out here making it seem like it’s rocket science; it’s not. The outside is called the vulva and the inside is the vagina. See easy. All the parts of the vulva you can see and touch, are quite easy to find and remember once you get some up close and personal hands on experience. But you gotta dive in, lights on, eyes opened, and face first.

It seems like a lack of desire fueled by conditioning, misogynistic and patriarchal propaganda, social constructs and the severe deficit of sex education that is the cause of resistance when it comes to learning the pussy; causing a person to not want to get too up close and personal with the female sexual anatomy. We fear what we do not understand.

Pussy is beautiful and absolutely amazing. Trust me, I have one, but if you listen to what society teaches you in the readily available mainstreams of our culture, you might learn something opposite.

Growing up in church with unclean women


I grew up in a small, southern town in Mississippi where I attended a missionary baptist church. I was raised on those biblical teachings: Sunday school, bible study, choir rehearsal. Before a certain point in my life, I was always at church for some reason or another.

As a young girl, I recall one Sunday in particular. A woman in our congregation, whom also happened to be well-known in our community, stood up to announce that she had been called upon by god to minister to her people. I’d seen this happen before in the church, but this time it was different. Something different was happening. As a child, I did not understand why, but as I got older I grew into the understanding of that experience.

In the past, I had only witnessed men who stood to announce themselves as ministers, preachers, and reverends. When Ms. Cat, as we called her, stood to make her announcement, you could feel the energy shift within the church. There were whispers about the uncleanliness of women due to her monthly cycle and how she was not permitted by god to stand and give “the word” from the pulpit. There were several meeting announcements, more than usual and it caused quite a commotion in our community. After several meetings, deacon board meetings, members and congregation meetings, pastors meetings etc, it was decided that she would be permitted to join the ranks of a position long held only by men in our church. I was one of my very first memories of being a woman.

Those smelly, yucky vaginas

This is what mainstream, religious culture teaches us. Women are unclean; women are the cause of sin; women are the link between man and sin; women are unclean because of their vaginas; women are unclean because they bleed from their vaginas; women are unclean because they’re sex organs are tucked on the inside and cannot be properly cleaned; you can tell that a woman is unclean because of odor and discharge (even referring to natural odor and discharge) . It’s gross to touch a woman’s pussy because of odor and discharge. Women are more susceptible to infections. Women are more likely to contract and carry infections (STI, Yeast, or Bacterial). To which, regardless of how the infection was contracted, all leads back to uncleanliness.


These are very much the messages that I have received from society as women. I’m sure other women can relate. And if you’re like me and these things have been culturally embedded particularly to the point where you’ve actually subscribed to them and believed in them (which I have not and do not) then there’s absolutely no way you have any desire to put your face, mouth, or tongue in or on someone’s pussy. There are women with vulvas who think it is absolutely gross and won’t allow it done to them. There are also men who find it gross and refuse to do it.

And this is the real reason he won’t eat your pussy. Culturally embedded beliefs about feminine hygiene which includes the sell of sprays, washes, douche, and other products that fund a market that is expected to reach 42.7 Billion by 2022. All of these things contribute to callow ideas regarding vaginas and vulvas.

Peer Pressure of eating Pussy

The first time my ex boyfriend played with my pussy, he held his hand away from his body as though he’s just dipped his hand in acid. And the first time he ate my pussy he spat in an empty soda bottle for several minutes afterwards and then went to rinse his mouth with Listerine. That was not my first stroll around the block by far and I found the entire interaction absolutely hilarious. He kept apologizing and explaining that is was no offense to me. I understood. I had been conditioned to believe the same thing he was feeling in that moment.


Eating pussy seems popular. It seems like everyone is doing it or at the very least everyone with a partner who has a vulva should be doing it…right? Because of all of this scientific evidence about nerve endings and clitorises, how it brings a woman so much pleasure and helps us reach orgasms more easily which seems to be relatively absent from heterosexual intercourse without ever addressing the issue of why I never considered doing this in the first place. Yes, because they weren’t taught, but more importantly, why they weren’t taught to.

Eating pussy is a delightful and enjoyable experience and not just for the person receiving. What can I say, you are what you eat!

However, the reality is some folks don’t feel comfortable because of what we have been conditioned to believe; what we have been programmed to believe about women and the uncleanliness of our sex organs.

Girls Against Cunnilingus

Did you even know this was a thing? I’ll be honest. I didn’t until I heard it with my own ears. One woman disclosed that she enjoyed receiving oral sex, but it was not something she encouraged. She went on to say that she would allow a person to give her oral sex, but would not kiss them afterwards because she thinks it’s gross. Another woman disclosed that she does not allow her partner to perform oral sex on her for the same reason–she believes “it’s absolutely disgusting.” And I get it, I hear similar things all the time.

I mean if there is a woman who doesn’t want to touch herself to masturbate, then understanding that there is one who doesn’t want her partner to go down on here because she doesn’t want to kiss them afterwards is not too far fetched. Please understand that I’m not shaming anyone here. It’s perfectly fine to not enjoy oral sex for what ever reason. Everything is not for everyone.


Enthusiasm vs Obligation

When I’m with a guy who does it, but does so reluctantly, the energy is so much different than the guy who does it enthusiastically. It’s like some guys feel peer pressured to eat pussy. Whether it’s because they just want their partner to enjoy it, peer pressure from society, or some other personal reason. Instead of it being from a place of desire, it comes from a place of obligation and I don’t like that word much at all especially when it involves anything sexual. In order for me to enjoy it, it definitely has to be something I love doing and I expressed as much in my Joys of Fellatio series last summer.

I enjoy receiving oral sex a lot. I like to watch. I love the way it feels, however I don’t need to receive it in order to reach orgasm. So in order for me to enjoy receiving, I require a partner that enjoys giving. I absolutely need enthusiastic consent in order to enjoy oral sex. Other than that, it is not necessary for an orgasm but it absolutely makes sex better ←No doubt about it. Which means I’d rather have it than not just to make myself real extra clear.

For many women, eating the pussy is necessary for both enjoyment and orgasm. And now that we know the real reason behind why he won’t eat your pussy, let us work on that part. Let’s get reacquainted with the vulva, the vagina, the female sex organs, the pussy. Let’s honor pussy. The vulva and vagina is a sacred space deserving veneration. Be dauntless in reclaiming the vagina narrative.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Sex Magick: An Introduction

This post is All About Sex Magic and I’m not talking Tantra here. At least I don’t believe so. However, I cannot be 100% certain, only because I’ve never actually read any Tantra myself. Although, I plan to. I’m curious as to how Tantra aligns with the things I’ve discovered for myself and my experience and experiments with Sex Magic.

Sex and spirituality are two things we don’t commonly discuss intersectionally. However, sex is very much a part of our spiritual evolution and affirming ourselves. It’s so important to affirm ourselves through unconditional self-love.

It has been said that sex magic is simple. I agree in theory; yes, however there is so much more to Sex Magic than meets the five senses.

Do you believe in magic?

What is magic? Magic is simply the way we choose to communicate our desires into the universe… Along with our faith in the manifesting of those desires. No matter who you are, no matter where you are or how you achieve this, at any given moment we are constantly communicating our desires whether it be intentional or not.

Sex is one powerful means of intentionally manifesting your desires.

I started doing sex magic during the summer of 2016. I have been practicing ritual spells, potions, and such since 2013 during an ugly custody battle for my children. As a mother with a newborn, no job, no income, and no place of my own, I knew I needed to source powers beyond my own physical capabilities. It was my nowhere else to turn leap of faith. And guess what it worked. Even my lawyer was surprised we had won. That was also because as a newbie lawyer he was making deals under the table with my ex-husband’s more season lawyer. But that’s neither here nor there. 🙄

No weapon formed against me shall prosper.

Anywho, I was hooked. Using my newly discovered abilities to manifest my desires, I kept my request short and simple. I watched them all come to pass. Then begin feasting my eyes on greater. I also wanted those greater things to happen faster.

These days, whenever I want something I get it. Especially answers to my most burning desires. Like how do I manifest my desires more promptly. The answer that came back was simple enough… Sex Magik.

Hit or Miss

And here is where things get less simple. My attempts to manifest through sex magic were hit-or-miss. Sometimes I’d be successful but most times I find myself saying this is not what I meant.

Intentions are everything whether you’re aware of those intentions or not. To be productive in any form of magic your intentions must be clear. Sex is a bit tricky in this matter due to our sex-negative conditioning. There may be certain aspects of sex, certain conditioned beliefs we hold in regards to sex that prevent us from maintaining clear intentions– blockage. Often times we aren’t aware of these blockages.

Because of this, most of us will have to do a bit of excavating before imploring sex magick to grant what we seek and exploit its grand potential. And no, I’m not there. Yet I am on this incredible journey where I have learned so much already, I feel compelled to share it with you.

Calibrate your Compass

Why is the world so imbalance? First of all creativity, desire, and pleasure all resonate in the root chakra. Your root chakra is your compass, your most basic and primitive spiritual sense pointing you in the direction of your passion. Many of us are like uncalibrated compasses which causes confusion and imbalance when it comes to manifesting your desires through any means. Because of this, being aroused does not always equate to a desire to have sex.

As you explore sex magick you will quickly learn that sex is not as primitive as people believe it to be. It is not simply a physical act of procreation and pleasure. It is a vehicle, a powerful vehicle of communication. It’s similar to sending an email versus sending snail mail and getting the same or better responses via email.

Sex is of the root chakra and it is the foundation of your Spiritual Being-ness. As we all know if your foundation is broken, it causes so many other problems in other areas. The entire structural integrity of the building has been compromised and for many of us we might very well need to rebuild from the ground up when it comes to our ideas about sex.

In other words, if you harbor a lot of the sex-negative messages that are pervasive in our society, it definitely isn’t the ideal foundation for the practical use of sex magick. It’s important to understand that some foundations require more work than others. Get to work on that foundation.

This is the time to kill confusion, to calibrate your compass, and reconstruct a new foundation through balancing your root chakra. This can happen in many ways and especially through meditative masturbation.

It’s time to touch yourself with intention and without shame. It’s time to feel (yes, I meant feel) your cup from the bottom up. Fall in love with the basic essence of your being-ness.

My child you are created through sex, imagine the things that you are capable of creating through sex.

Sex magic begins with deconstructing sex-negative conditioning and cultivating self-love.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Fuck me like you love me so I know it’s real.



I wrote this post awhile ago. Perhaps a year ago or more. It was about a lackluster sexual experience that seemed promising at first. I didn’t want to post it then because I was still in contact with the person and I was also aware of the fact that he read my blog regularly. We eventually had a conversation about this because he wanted to know why I had lost interest. Ha!

I wanted to sub title this post: When good dick just isn’t that great.

I mean, dudes stunt for the gram, for their friends, and fake ass politically correct ass corporate America everyday. Why is THIS so hard!? Is it fear? Are you scared you might get attached? Don’t worry, I won’t let you.

For the sake of pure pleasure, the purest pleasure– can we just pretend for bit? No strings attached.

Oh, you think I’m the one who’s going to get attached? Not likely. Don’t get me wrong. I love deeply as in my heart is buried deep beneath reluctance and suspicion that takes a diamond drill of authenticity to unearth. And let’s just be real, there aren’t many authentic ones. They’re too caught up in trying to fake it till they make it.

I’m not that emotionally strapped woman they warned you about, trying to hit up dudes for love, affection, and acceptance. Nor am I the heartless gold digger type. I’m not even convinced that either of these women exist at the extreme in which men attempt to portray us. I’m just here to fuck and at the very least, I need it to be worth my while. It’s a gamble at best.

He keeps asking when I’m going to write about him in my blog. Well, guess what sir. Today is your day, but you’re probably not going to like what I have to say.

Let the record show that he definitely has good dick but…

The first time was amazing because it was incredibly sexy. It involved being woken from my sleep by kisses down my spine, slow deep body shaking strokes, an eruption of orgasm rolling through my entire body and him whispering, “Fuck me back,” over and over again. Unfortunately, it couldn’t last.

I’m so over guys who learned to fuck from a porno or from his ex-girl who learned from her ex-dude who learned from a porno. And trust me, porn is not a substitute for good sex education. I found myself counting, one to two, two to four, three to seven. These were the ratio of orgasms: mine to his. And suddenly I’m bored and just a tad bit bitter. This is precisely why women’s orgasms matter.



He doesn’t last. Understandable though. This is not my first rodeo. I know I got good pussy and I own that. I know it ain’t easy to stand up against Desi, but by now, you know that, too. So one would figure that you would have gotten yourself together because they usually do. Alas, this could not be our fate.

I mean, do you think your dick is just so great that orgasms aren’t necessary. Not hardly likely, contrary to popular believe. I need the release just as much as you do and you definitely know how to make it happen but you don’t. You are 100% content with getting yours, being done, and promising to return later to finish the job *cough cough* I mean get another one for yourself. Nah, I’m good.

This dude needs to do some kegels. I bet he didn’t even know that men could do kegels. He probably doesn’t even know what is a kegel. While vaginal weightlifting can do wonders for a woman. We don’t hear so much about it as it applies to men. He’s walking around with an undesirable affliction of premature ejaculation syndrome and doesn’t even realize there’s a cure.

You think just because you have good dick that automatically makes the sex great? Good dick is good dick but it only plays a small part in amazing sex. You have not arrived.

Your sex is so inanimate, so rehearsed, so flat-lined, so boring…I think I said that already. I’m bored and obviously unfulfilled.

And I already know that this is my fault. Women set the expectation, men treat women how she allows him to treat her, any other cause you can come up with blah, blah, blah… This is a common experience even in marriages. Listen to me when I tell you that I am a woman and the fact that a man has no rhythm, stroke game, premature ejaculation issues, or just straight up selfish ain’t got shit to do with the woman. That’s on him.

All that being said, pretend for a moment. Close your eyes and visualize the woman you love. Imagine you are about to make love to her. Consider how good you’d want her to feel and all the things you would do to make sure she reaches her ultimate pleasure.

Now think about how you stunt for the gram. Think about how you play the part of professionalism knowing damn well that it’s not the real you. Now back to the woman you love. If not a woman, channel the passion for something you enjoy. Visualize how you go above and beyond for what you are passionate about. Imagine, imagine that is me, but only until I climax.

Yeah, fuck me just like that image you just got in your head. Fuck me like you love me. I promise you won’t regret it.

After that you can return to your regularly scheduled program.

Wale- Bad featuring Tiara Thomas

Is it bad that I never made love, no I never did it

But I sure know how to fuck

I’ll be your bad girl, I’ll prove it to you

I can’t promise that I’ll be good to you

Cause I have some issues, I won’t commit

No, not having it

But at least I can admit that I’ll be bad no to you (to you)

Yeah, I’ll be good in bed but I’ll be bad to you

Bad that I never made love, no I never did it

But I sure know how to fuck

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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3 Reasons to Masturbate Beyond Pleasure

How can a person be an advocate for women’s orgasms and not be an advocate for masturbation? Short answer. You can’t.

Lately, I’ve been talking a lot about masturbation and that’s no coincidence.

First, the theme for round one’s summer 100 is masturbation and self-pleasure. And ever since I took part in the 30-day orgasm fun, I’ve learned so much about masturbation and I love sharing these things with y’all.

What is the purpose of masturbating? So many reasons, right? I’m sure many of us can agree that masturbation is a very pleasurable experience. Here are three more reasons to masturbate beyond just pleasure.


During the 30-day orgasm fun, I learned that not all toys are created equally. Many of them are really simple to use, while others require a bit more practice. No worries, because I’ve also learned that such toys present the opportunity to spend time deliberately getting to know your body as you master the use of this pleasure inducing device better known as the sex toy.

As I mentioned in Touch of Self-Love, I have been masturbating for a very long time. Even as that is true I know that there is still so much to learn about my ever-evolving sexual body. The first time I used a toy that wasn’t so straightforward I got super frustrated. As I navigated the toys over my clitoris, I’d find a good spot and then I lose it. Highly frustrational.

I was not having any orgasm fun at all. I felt like I just wanted to throw it against the wall. I had read so many rave reviews. I just wanted it to perform for me the way it did for its reviewers. In the midst of my frustration and a masturbation session that was asking well over 12 minutes, I took a deep breath and decided I try again later that week. In the meantime, I chose a different toy to finish things off.

When I used the toy again later that week I was surprised at how much better the experience was going compared to when I first used it. Through the use of other toys, I had been exploring more with my physical pleasure. Once you can master your own body, you can master almost any decent toy.

Exploring yourself, including through masturbation, is important to your self-care and unlocking your magic. Eliminating shame is also a key to unlocking your magic. There’ll be a post on this soon.

Healing and Self-Care

Often we hear about meditation, therapy, baths, and yoga as a part of self-care. Well, let’s add masturbation to that list. As Ani can tell you, self-care is more than just manicures and girls night out. Self-care is indeed a way of life.

I take pride in my masturbation experience. And before it became a thing of sexual pleasure, it was purely for the purpose of relaxation. As a child, I had a lot of anxiety. I’m still figuring out why that is or what that means. Anyway, masturbation has helped me a lot through that anxious period in my life.

I never got over that anxiety, for the most part, I just learned to suppress it and masturbating allowed me to relax my anxiety away. The truth is masturbation is like my security blanket. It helps me relax; it helps me sleep. Masturbation puts me in a meditative state of sorts. And when I’m in this state, I express myself more creatively. I’m more comfortable and open to exploration, especially spiritually.

It didn’t take me long through all of this relaxation, connection, openness, and creativity to recognize I was healing myself. Through this conscious and physical act of self-exploration and self-pleasure. I witnessed a rise in my confidence and the release of stress and fear that was manifesting in the form of depression. Now, this has not been through masturbation alone, however, masturbation has acted as a strong catalyst on my healing journey.

Sex Magick

When you encounter something powerful that helps you connect and release you better believe magical things are happening. Sex, in many ways, is a spiritual practice for me. With its anatomical location in the pelvic plexus, the root chakra and sex is linked to creativity, passion, and desire. It is the base, the foundation of our spiritual evolution. It is associated with feeling safe and grounded. No wonder it helps so much with my anxiety.

The root chakra, which is where we house our ideas and feels about sex, provides the foundation on which we build our life.

It supports us in growing and feeling safe into exploring all the aspects of life. It is related to our feeling of safety and security, whether it’s physical or regarding our bodily needs or metaphorical regarding housing and financial safety. To sum it up, the first chakra questions are around the idea of survival and safety. The root chakra is where we ground ourselves into the earth and anchor our energy into the manifest world.

If there are any energy blockages happening in your root chakra, masturbation absolutely helps you release them. Once things are balanced, this is when the real magic happens. It’s like the difference between one of those fake plastic trees and a tree with actual roots. It is the difference between existing in the world as we are told and being free to grow, change, and evolve in the way we were designed.

Real trees produce fruit; those fruits produce seeds; seeds produce more trees. Masturbation can be and for me it very much is the key to manifesting my desires and creativity in the physical.

In this way, you get to decide what that tree will become. Sex Magick is very powerful and precise. It is my preferred form of practical magick. Through balance and development, it becomes as easy as thinking a simple thought channeled by your desire, your passion, and your creativity.

I have not mastered sex magic. I assure you I’m well on my way which is the best part because I’m in such a place of discovery and exploration. So much is new to me and I teach as I learn.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Does “too much” Masturbation Make Me Less Sensitive?

The theme for the last couple of months has been masturbation. It all started in April with the 30-day orgasm fun followed by May’s Masturbation Month. I got to try out a few awesome toys. I am so excited 🤩 to share via my YouTube channel launching this summer 😍.

Go on over and subscribe. It’s going to be wildly entertaining.

So with all of the reviews I have in the works, it is safe to say I have been doing quite a bit of masturbating. Yes, indeed.

Before the 30-day orgasm fun and masturbation month, I had never masturbated this much in my life. And never this consistently. So when someone following me asked whether a woman could become less sensitive due to “overstimulation” from masturbation I had no clue how to answer.

I ended up posting the question on my Instagram for others to answer. The spectrum of responses was so broad, my proposed solution didn’t get me any closer to the truth of whether “too much” masturbation causes you to become less sensitive.

One follower suggested that it might require more stimuli and more work to reach orgasm in the future. Another theory I was testing out for myself.

Now, this is the part where I tell you all about my experience.

For 30 days every single evening, I watched porn and entertained my followers on IG half expecting that each new climax would somehow cause me to become less interested in the next. To make a tall story short, that never happened. With each new climax, I half expected that the next one would take longer to achieve. Nope, that didn’t happen either.

Masturbating every day for 30 days straight using my fingers and a variety of toys did not cause me to become less sensitive.

In fact, I found that I became more in tune with my sensitivity. And by that I mean I learned which spots were more sensitive which methods of stimulation produced greater pleasure sensations in my genitals. Overall I just became more aware of what felt good to me and what brought my body pleasure.

The trajectory of my orgasm was within my complete control. Basically, that means I was able to control what I felt and how I felt based on which toys I used and whether I use my fingers or some other method. I was able to control how long I wanted my pleasure to last and if I didn’t want to take up too much time I knew exactly where to go to induce a 2-minute climax whereas when I first started the fun challenge, it easily took me an average of 8 minutes to reach orgasm.

The sensation of my pleasure did not decrease and I was able to shorten the time it took for me to reach orgasm.

Then came the final test of “too much” masturbation. Would it make it more difficult to reach orgasm during intercourse with a man?

Here’s the thing, whenever I spent all that time masturbating it is easy to assume you might become less interested in sex in general. Typically people talk about masturbation being a replacement for a body either directly or indirectly. I don’t know how anyone else feels about it, but this certainly isn’t true for me.

The more I was masturbating, the more I’d crave human touch, the more I’d wish there was someone enjoying the sexual experience alongside me. Because masturbation with a partner is quite an experience. Once the day arrived to fulfill this craving I was able to have multiple effortless orgasms. They took less time and there were more of them. Mind blown 🤯.

With way more confidence than I’d had before, I was able to tell my partner exactly where to go and exactly what to do for the maximum amount of pleasure. Now assuming you have a partner that takes directions well, this can be a magical experience; by magical I mean the entire constant masturbation for 30 days and then having this mind-blowing sexual experience with your partner afterward.

I did not require more work nor did I require more stimuli to reach orgasm. Specifically for me, I came faster.

And there you have it from me anyway. I encourage you to answer these questions for yourself and discover your own experience. It is beyond worth the journey; one Miss Scarlet describes well of her own masturbation journey.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Themes and Other Things

We have decided to create themes for each round. And since there are six rounds there will likewise be six themes. Special thanks to Carly of Dildo or Dildon’t for coming up with (most of) these themes. Isabelle and I got together to finalize which themes would be broad enough to allow for the most creative freedom.

If you have questions about how long each round lasts, be sure to visit the FAQs.

Coming out of May (Masturbation month) I’m certain many of us have lots to write about from the toys we’ve used, to tips and techniques, erotica stories, personal journeys and more. So we figured this would be an appropriate way to kick off our Summer 100.

  • Round One– Masturbation/Self pleasure/Self-care
  • Round Two– Oral Sex
  • Round Three– Relationships
  • Round Four– Kink/Fetish/BDSM
  • Round Five– Sex Toys
  • Round Six– Sex Education

You only need to write one or two posts for each theme per round. That way we can be sure that there is enough related content for others to link to. I also took out the time to create a blog catalog of sorts by grabbing posts from the blogs of each participants and organizing them by categories. You can find that catalog here.

Yes, you can link to older content. Just in case you were wondering. I only took a few from each participant, however there is so much more awesome content to link. I encourage you to visit each site on your own to discover for yourself.

Finally, please include this link & graphic to the guestbook at the end of each of your posts inviting your visitors to view more posts by summer100 participants. Grab the code below to do this effortlessly.


Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic


Lady in Red

I love the color red. It is one of my absolute favorite colors to wear. Here, I’m wearing leftover, smeared lip color of my favorite shade of red.

Smeared makeup is art. I sleep in it on purpose just to wake up and discover the beauty of what is created. #Iwokeuplikethis #smearedmascara #besobystila #ilovemyboobs


Lady in Red

#sinfulsunday 372

Visit the linked lips below for more sinful shares 💋💋💞

Sinful Sunday

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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New Moon Opportunities

The new moon represents new beginnings and a fresh start. Ask anyone moderately versed in magic and they’ll tell you that the new moon is a time to set your intentions, gather your thoughts and plans, and write down your desires and wishes.

So what if you already know your desires? What if you’ve written them down over and over and over again? I know I have.

What if you don’t have plans? If you’re anything like me, often you do not. And contrary to popular belief, not having a plan can lead you on a magical journey. Just set your compass due north and the Universe will make sure you arrive safe and sound.

So what do you do if you know your heart’s truest desires but you don’t have a plan to make it happen? This my child is when you must leave it to chance. Oh yes, this is how the Universe works best. 🤗

Because of my Capricorn Aquarius cusp, I am such a grounded Spirit who adores wonder and spontaneity.

A contradiction indeed.

Do you believe in chance?

About 3 years ago I read an article where Pauley Perrette (Abby) of NCIS (a show I used to love to watch) did an interview about how she was “discovered”; a chance encounter for a chance opportunity that manifested into something exceptional for both her life and career.

You can’t plan opportunities like that! While you cannot plan such things, you certainly have within you the ability to attract them.

Here’s a simple ritual to do just that.

The first thing to remember when performing magic, the single most important ingredient to any spell or ritual are your intentions.

Gather the following items in a place you feel relaxed or more open to spiritual energy; a place you won’t be disturbed.

A single bay leaf 🌿 and a black Sharpie, a white candle, black moonstone, green aventurine stone, citronella and peppermint oil, mint seeds, a small planting pot with potting soil, and finally, powerful words of affirmation.

For this particular ritual, I’ve chosen the words lucrative, opportunity, and chance. You can use those same words or any others that suit your intentions.

As you perform this ritual, burn citronella and peppermint oil in a diffuser. Citronella oil is used to attract friends and business while peppermint oil is used to affect change.

Bay leaves represent honor, glory, and reward. On the back of your bayleaf, write down your words of affirmation.

Congratulations! 🎉You have now set your intentions.

Focus on those intentions as you plant your mint seeds. Mint has the amazing ability to grow in unfavorable conditions. Their blooming 💮 season is from June to September so spring is a perfect time to plant. It’s elemental association is air. I love this because you never know which way the wind is going to blow.

Mint can represent many things in the realm of magic, however we are going to focus on prosperity and good luck for our chance opportunity. Also, Spirit has been known to be attracted to mint 🤔. And when you are attracting chance opportunity, you need all of the Divine help you can get.

There are several things you can do with your black Moonstone and Green Aventurine. If they are small you can plant them with your seeds which is a really, really great idea. Or you can simply have them nearby.

Once all components of this ritual are complete, take the bay leaf and sleep with it underneath your pillow. On the following day burn your bayleaf my white candle🕯 and chant this spell

“With this new moon opportunities await. Abundance springing from the ideas I create.”

And voila, your ritual is complete.

Faithfully, forget the opportunities coming your way. Even after you’ve done this ritual, they’ll be totally unexpected.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Adventures in the #30dayORGASMfun

When Tabitha introduced us to the #30dayorgasmfun during the Eroticon meet and greet, I was definitely excited. However, I must admit I wasn’t expecting it to be anything more than just…well, fun. Oh, was I in for a special surprise.

Better Health Orgasms

With the 30 day orgasm fun, I can vouch that orgasms definitely give you a mental health boost. I’ve been feeling a lot less stress even when I’m stressed, if that makes sense.

I had my last therapy session 2 weeks ago, and as I talked with my therapist, I was happy to report no stress, no depression, and an increase in patience (still a work in progress). I am certainly in a better place from a vibrational perspective.

At one point during the challenge, I felt myself coming down with a cold. Who feels like masturbating when you feel like crap!? I did it anyway. I was fully committed to this challenge and thankfully so because it helped my body reject the virus. After only three days, I felt better. Now, I’m not saying that orgasms are the cure to the common cold, I am just telling you about this illustrious experience that I was having. It was pretty amazing.


Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Thanks to Eroticon, I got the opportunity to try out some truly worthy sex toys that you definitely want to subscribe for the reviews to come. I wish I had had more toys to play with however, the lack of toys cause me to be a bit more creative.

As I mentioned in my sex toy Herstory post, I hadn’t had much experience with sex toys. Here was my opportunity to do some self-exploring.

I’ve learned that each sex toy offers a uniquely different experience. In some cases one is not even comparable to another; like the Zumio. It is truly a unique device in the most awesome way. My perspective on toys is very, very different now.

I got to experience some rather large toys, some small toys, dildos, non-penetrating vibrators, rumbly, and buzzy. Between rumbly and buzzy toys, they both give different types of orgasms and I really enjoy both types. They are two very different yet very awesome orgasmic experiences. I got to experience the longest orgasm I have ever had using a toy; 🤯 longest, emphasis on longest.

When time is of the essence

I kept a small journal so I was able to record sessions with different toys, with lube, without lube, in the bath if the toy was submersible. I was even able to record how long some masturbation sessions took.

I noticed that as the month progressed, I was better able to control my orgasms. I was learning more about where I experienced the most pleasure. I can certainly say with pinpoint accuracy that I get most of my pleasure on the right side of my clitoris.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

I learned my spots. I’m still learning my spots and I’m learning how to go directly to those spots instead of spending so much time searching around.

My sessions averaged a little over eight minutes. I did kind of dragged them out a little longer as I learn to control my orgasms because I was indeed having so much orgasm fun. So that may have had a bit of an effect on the average time. 😏

Debunking myths one sex toy induced orgasms at a time…

I have crazy stamina already, but I notice how this fun challenge was increasing my stamina. And I also discovered that even though I was masturbating everyday, I did not become less sensitive. In fact, I became more sensitive; more in touch with my sensitivity (myth debunked).

During this fun challenge I have learned so much about my body and not just my vulva and clitoris. Even though I did get to know them very intimately during this journey.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Self Discovery and Sex Magick

I am a practitioner of sex magick. I’ve been practicing Sex Magick for about 2 years now; 2 years exactly in June. This challenge has been instrumental in bringing my root chakra into alignment and it’s made me realize so many things about how sex directly corresponds to your passion and your desires. Oh my goodness! Such an epiphany has come to me through this fun challenge.

Having an orgasm everyday has made creating and channeling much more productive. I found it easier to focus my intention when I’m manifesting through climax.

Your root chakra is a compass and masturbation helps to calibrate that compass! Guiding you towards your passion. More to come on this in another post.

All the things you desire in life can be sensed by your body on a vibrational level. Everything has a frequency and having an orgasm a day puts you more in tune with that frequency.

This is such an amazing Discovery!

The goal was 30 days of orgasms and I am very proud of my 29 days strong. I did miss one day because of a water bug where the kids sleep. Even though our cat killed it, they were so scared they wanted to sleep in my bed. As you can imagine, I didn’t get to have my orgasm that night😒 but I made up for it big time (and still am)🤣🤣.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic-a sex blog about feminine sexuality, relationships, and spirituality

Although I did keep a journal, I realize, I did not record as much data as I could have in retrospect. I will definitely be doing this challenge again very soon when my apartment is free of children. There are so many things I want to try; so many toys I want to try; so many places I want to try them.

I mean I just never had a clue that orgasms could be so much more than fun. The 30-day orgasm challenge has definitely been an enlightening experience. I’d like to personally thank Miss Tabitha for coming up with this challenge, for introducing me to this challenge, and for being an amazingly profound woman.

Yes, the 30-day orgasm fun has ended but I don’t want to end it. fortunately for me it’s masturbation month, all May Long.

Confidence is just radiating from the pores of my skin to the gradients of my aura; an orgasm a day is literally giving me life.

A really awesome thing happens when you purchase the products I recommend. I get a small kickback at not cost to you! This post contains links to those awesome products. Click on them to learn more.

Pretty Pink Lotus Bud for sex-positive spaces; #WomensOrgasmMatter; the sexually liberated woman, proheaux, sex magic

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